06 Oct
I’d Rather Look at Your Ugly Feet Than Those Socks

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

I understood that my husband was a Birkenstock wearing guy when I married him, however, 10 years later, he has now decided to wear them with dark black socks. He is still an attractive man, but this is such a turn-off for me. What do I do?


No Socks with Sandals Wife

Dear No Socks,

Your question sent cold shivers down my spine. As if Birkenstocks aren’t dreadful enough, the whole sandal/sock combo is just tortuous. I know all the crunchie mommies are going to be throwing alfalfa sprout bread at me for saying such a thing, but I have to take a stand.

I spent my formative years being exposed to this day after day….

Those are my mother’s feet. Can you imagine what it was like to have friends over as a teenager?

Obviously I’ve been scarred and I don’t want the same thing to happen to you. Now, it’s very hard to separate a man or a woman from their sandals. So let that go. But you must draw the line at the black socks. Maybe you can barter. He stops wearing the socks/sandal combo and you stop wearing that threadbare, stained sweater your Aunt Sylvia gave you a decade ago that just seems to go with everything.

If you can’t part with the knitwear, then here’s another option: When I don’t care for something my husband wears, I say, “Yeah, it’s okay. If you’re trying to look like David Copperfield.” Now, my husband does not want to look like a cheesy, has-been magician, so he’ll immediately change. Find out your husband’s fashion nemesis, and comment accordingly.

Your final option is to just hide all his socks and proclaim your innocence when he accuses you of stealing them. Because if your husband is like a lot of men on the planet, it should take him six months to buy new ones. At least you’ll get a breather.

Good luck.


Kelcey, TMH

12 Responses to “I’d Rather Look at Your Ugly Feet Than Those Socks”


Comment by Betty Herbert.

Or you could follow my Grandmother’s lead (I used to live with her when I was a child): if she didn’t like anything in my wardrobe, she wouldn’t comment. She would just ‘disappear’ the object of her dislike. I would come home from school, and it would be gone. Gran would deny all knowledge, and that would be that. Except for the occasional sweatshirt, which would appear in the duster box a month later, cut into neat squares.

Make those sandals disappear, and helpfully buy him some appropriate footwear very soon after. He will almost certainly take the route of least resistance and adopt your choice.


Comment by Nona.

Some fashion crimes deserve swift and severe punishmnent. Those sandals need to sleep with the fishes. And when he asks what happened to them, deny, deny, deny.


Comment by Bean.

If you want, you can borrow my husband’s cat. He pees on things. You’ll never get the smell out & the shoes will HAVE to be thrown away.


Comment by Kimberly.

All I have to do is tell my husband ‘that’s what all the republicans are wearing these days’ and bingo, it’s gone. This works fir behavior modification too.

However, I’m not so sure this would apply to Republicans. Maybe just for wing tips.


Comment by dusty earth mother.

Perhaps a small house fire is in order here. Very small. Limited to his shoe and sock closet.


Comment by Karen at French Skinny.

I caught Hubby taking out the trash wearing tube socks with flip flops. The taking out the trash part was hot but……..some things are hard to forget.
Betty’s right. They must disappear.


Comment by From Belgium.

The horror the horror!


Comment by Marinka, TMH.

Do you have any advice on un-seeing that photo?


Comment by Wendi.

Go buy a new piece of sexy lingerie. Show it to your husband and tell him to get ready for you.

Then walk into the bedroom wearing the lingerie as well as black socks and Birkenstocks.



Comment by annie.

Oh boy. Can you loosen a thread or something so the socks get caught on the flashy buckle and unravel? Then burn the rest of his socks? And his sandals.


Comment by kokopuff.

Men have gnarly, yellow toenails, fringed cuticles and heels that can sand metal. Be very grateful for the socks.


Comment by Mom again.

Birkenstock makes shoes. Get him some. Yes they are as ugly as the sandels but they are still shoes and therefore not as horrific as sadels with socks.

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