19 Oct
Home Alone Without Macaulay Culkin

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

My husband sometimes travels for his job. I may be a complete ninny for feeling this way, but I don’t like it when he gets tagged on Facebook by coworkers as being at Place A in Town B. I just don’t think it’s a good idea to advertise on the internet that you’re out of town. I know the chances are slim that some sicko would see that, associate me with my husband, know where we live and BAM!, at 2 o’clock in the morning, come do some kind of harm while I’m home alone with our kids.

I probably have a higher chance of randomly running into Johnny Depp and him falling madly in love with me than a sicko tracking me down. Do I sound ridiculous? Or am I being smart?

Signed,

Mind Your Own Business Facebook

___________________________________

Dear Mind Your Own Business,

Let’s get right to the heart of your question. No, it’s not too late for you to randomly run into Johnny Depp and have him fall madly in love with you. And judging from the fact that he’s now filming Pirates of the Caribbean 16 he should have plenty of that Captain Jack Sparrow dough to spend on you. I just hope you love a man who has a passion for eyeliner.

But until that chance encounter happens, let’s talk about you and your husband’s travel schedule.   That Facebook can be a real nuisance. I’m pretty sure Mark Zuckerberg drives by my house each night just to keep tabs on my whereabouts.   I hate all these social networks that keep track of everyone’s location. Look, if I wanted to know that Greg Jones from my 10th grade geometry class is currently in the Strand Book Store reading the latest Candace Bushnell book, I would have kept in touch with him.

Now I don’t think you are in any danger. But it’s perfectly normal to have some anxiety when your spouse is out of town. Ask your husband to untag himself on Facebook from anything that pinpoints his location. Or better yet, ask him for his password so you can easily do it yourself. Just don’t take the opportunity to drink too many glasses of Chardonnay and send messages to his ex-girlfriends. Trust me – that does not end well.

Also, do you have an alarm system? This can totally make you feel more comfortable when your husband is away. Finally, hire yourself a full time doorman at your house for added security. (Note: This final tip only works if you have buttloads of extra cash that you just don’t know what to do with).

Let us know when you meet Johnny!

Signed,

Kelcey, TMH

11 Responses to “Home Alone Without Macaulay Culkin”

10.19.11#1

Comment by BrassyDel.

Ask the hubs to update his privcy settings to disallow others to Check Him In to places on Facebook, and to require his approval for tagging.

Desperate Dietwives Reply:

I totally agree with that: nobody should tag someone else in a specific location without his/her consent.

Also, if you hire some muscle to guard your house, make sure he’s at least Johnny Depp’s younger brother! 😀

10.19.11#2

Comment by Marinka.

It’s been a few decades now and I still haven’t been able to get over Edward Scissorhands. Can you imagine living with THAT? “I can’t load the dishwasher! No, can’t fold the laundry, either…You want me to…hold the baby?!”

Plano Mom Reply:

I couldn’t even get through the movie. I found him more annoying than endearing with all that helplessness.

10.19.11#3

Comment by GamefaceLTD.

Actually, I hold a Bachelors Degree in Criminal Justice and I can tell you that there is a real danger with people announcing their whereabouts on Facebook. There have been more than a handful of people who have been burgled (yes that is the proper term) by people who saw on their Facebook profiles that they were on vacation. I don’t know how well that applies to you since there are still family members at home and the house is not completely empty, but it is always better to err on the side of caution when it comes to things of this nature.

laffin' so hard Reply:

MYOBF: That is a very real concern, and it only takes the one time to be really regretful.

Piano Mom: Men are being trained that helpless, needy, vulnerable and whiny are attractive, at least in romantic comedies. It is going to take work to kick those traits outta them. I don’t need to see my partner cry during “Old Yeller” I need him to vanquish the wild animals before Yeller gets rabies.

TMHW:You truly don’t need the buttloads of cash. You can get a hired man for the day from the right street corner in your city. There are itinerants that wai for people to pick them up for work. You throw in lunch and a wear something low cut, you can invite into your home some complete stranger with no traceable history to gaurd your valuables for cheap, cheap, cheap!

10.19.11#4

Comment by Wendi.

Safety issues notwithstanding, I’d be more upset seeing my husband at some cool bar in L.A. while I’m home changing diapers.

laffin' so hard Reply:

That is also life endangering. His.

10.19.11#5

Comment by Ruth.

Coming from experience, YES! People can take advantage of knowing you are not home.

I posted online about two years ago that I was leaving town to go visit my parents. When we returned, we found out quick our house had been broken into. IT HAPPENS and it can happen to you. I NEVER post my location or if I have left the house. I post when I’ve returned from my trip how wonderful it was, but never again will I let the world know I am leaving town.

We never did find out who broke into our house. It was someone who knew us personally since they saw my post then came to our house. I had never felt so violated in my life.

I agree with GameFace, it would be best if your husband did not post that he was not home. Safety first!

10.19.11#6

Comment by thepsychobabble.

Get an alarm, update his privacy settings and try not to sweat it. Yes, it happens, but no, it’s not super-likely, since your house isn’t actually empty.
Also?
If Johnny Depp falls madly in love with me and sweeps me off to where-ever? I will happily help him apply his damn eyeliner. 😀

10.19.11#7

Comment by LR.

Facebook has privacy settings for a reason. They don’t always work the way you would like, but I think in this case they can if I understand your question. Under privacy settings, look at how tags work (you may need to pick “custom” privacy settings to get this option). Then he can specify details on what sort of tagging is allowed.

Your job is to get him to do it, which may be difficult if he doesn’t agree with you on the serious nature of the problem.

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