Dear Mouthy Housewives,
My best friend’s husband texted me the other day out of nowhere (I don’t even know how he got my number!). At first I didn’t think anything of it, but then he started getting flirtatious. I did not flirt back and made sure I mentioned my fiancé more than once so the conversation could steer in a different direction (I mentioned wedding planning, house hunting, and his name).
I didn’t want to over-think it, but then he asked me if I minded that he was flirting with me and asked me to not tell his wife about the conversation. I of course told him that I rather he didn’t flirt because his wife is a good friend of mine and I don’t think she would appreciate it. I told my fiancé about the conversation and showed him the texts because I don’t want to hide anything from him. He was obviously pretty upset and doesn’t want me going over to my friend’s house anymore (especially when her husband is there); I also don’t feel comfortable going over there now either.
The dilemma I’m facing is whether I should break this news to my friend. They’re married and have a 1 year old baby. I don’t want to start drama especially when there is a marriage and family involved but I feel like I would want to know if my fiancé/husband was doing this to me. If her husband is texting me, then what else is he doing with other women that his wife isn’t friends with?? If I don’t tell and she finds out later on I feel like it might make matters worse but if I do tell her, then I think she will still be mad at me regardless. I feel like it’s a lose / lose situation and our friendship will not be same after this. What should I do?
Don’t Shoot The Messenger
You are between a rock and a hard place, my friend. There’s a wide spectrum of flirtation, so it’s a little hard to advise you not knowing if your friend’s husband wrote that you looked hot at the block party last weekend, or if he sent you a pic of his privates. HOWEVER, the fact that he specifically asked you not to tell his wife about the texts is super creepy. Bottom line is, you are not going to feel okay about any of this unless you tell her. I feel for you, I really do.
This situation sucks. Did you save the texts? It would help if you could actually show them to her. You can’t expect that she will immediately decide her husband (and father to her child) is a horrible person who she must leave immediately. Still, she’s probably going to feel threatened and defensive, and you need to let her know that you don’t hold her responsible for her husband’s actions, and that you hope it was just a misstep on his part and that you can all get past it.
I’m not sure his flirtatious texts to you are an indication that he’s doing this (or anything else) with other women, but it is a sign of extremely risky behavior on his part. No matter what, it made you uncomfortable, you didn’t reciprocate, and you did nothing wrong. Don’t let either of them try and turn this back on you (I’d bet good money that at least one of them will do exactly that).
Hopefully, this will just be a brief bump in the road for your friendship.