18 Jun
Enough With The Macro Phallus, I’m Tired

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

Hiya. I’m not sure if you can help. Maybe I just need to vent and have no one to talk to about it, but my whole life I have been made fun of. My issue has effected my new marriage. I wanted to wait to have our first time when we were married. But as I unzipped his pants, I was in for a shock. He explained to me he has a condition called “macro phallus.” I know I should be glad but I’m a small woman and I just can’t handle it. Can it be reduced? Or should I just suck it up?

Signed,

Xenobiax

_______________________

Dear Xenobiax,

I’m sorry you’ve been made fun of your entire life. I really am. However, I’m not entirely sure how that relates to being married to a man with a giant penis. Is the penis so giant that it has the ability to speak? Does it insult you? Name call? Tell  “yo momma” jokes when it becomes fully erect? V. confused here, Xenobiax.

However, since it’s summer and I don’t usually do any thinking in the summer, I’m not even going to try to get to the bottom of this one. Also, there’s a (very high) chance this letter is a hoax, mostly because your name sounds like a pharmaceutical and you had a killer last line to your question, so there’s really no point in me even trying to give you a thoughtful answer. That decided,  what should we do instead?

Hmmmmm……I know! Let’s all look at this for a few hours:

Image from blogs.loughboroughecho.net

Personal note to Mr. David Beckham: DAVID DAVID DAVID!

POSH SPICEGIRL POSHASS DON’ LUV YOU LIKE AH LUV YOU, DAVID! ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME, DAVID? ARE YOU DAVID?? WHY DON’T YOU RETURN MY PHONE CALLS, EMAILS, TEXTS, DMS AND PIGEON MESSAGES DAVID?!? WE’RE MEANT TO BEEEEEE DAVID!!! EVEN THOUGH YOU’RE IN A BURGER KING COMMERCIAL AND HAVE A WEIRD VOICE DAVID!!! I STILL LOVE YOU AND YOUR MACRO PHALLUS DAAAAVIIIIIIDDDDDD!!!! DON’T SHUT ME OUT OR I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN.

Whew. I don’t know about you, Xenobiax, but that picture sure answered a lot of questions for me, so I think I’m going to just suck it up and take a shower now.

Have a great summer!

Best,

Wendi, TMH

 

One Response to “Enough With The Macro Phallus, I’m Tired”

06.18.12#1

Comment by Meredith L..

This is what I like to call “bragging by complaining.”

Or, you know, a hoax.

Also: DAVID BECKHAMN IN UNDERWEAR!!!1!!12zomg

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