11 Oct
Don’t Call Me Mother

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

I’m six months pregnant with our first child. I’m excited about becoming a mother, but my husband recently called me “Mommy” and it really made me feel uncomfortable. I let him know right away and he sort of laughed it off, but said that once the baby was born, I’d be hearing it a lot– that everyone would be calling me that, including him.

Is this some kind of rule? Because I don’t want to be called “mommy” by anyone other than my children.

Signed,

What the hell?

_______________________________________

Dear WTH,

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

If there is a rule that all parents must be called “mommy” and “daddy” then go ahead and slap those handcuffs on me, because I am an outlaw. An outlaw who agrees with you–I will not respond to being called “mommy” by anyone whose diapers I have not personally changed. When they were babies.

I know that there are couples who call each other “mommy” and “daddy” or “ma” and “pa” and if it works for them, God Bless. But if I’m reading between the lines of your question, it’s not working for you. And that’s okay.

Since your husband’s er… threat that everyone will be calling you mommy is still haunting you, talk to him. Let him know that you find your husband referring to you as “mommy” distasteful and explain why. For example, if my husband were to start calling me mommy, I’d tell him that I did not cease being a human being upon giving birth and that I’d like to continue to be referred to as I had been in the past. (Of course my oldest child is thirteen years old, so if my husband were to suddenly start calling me mommy, I’d have to demand that he submit to a brain scan immediately.)

You’ll still hear it. The pediatrician tells my daughter, “let me talk to mom for a minute” and my son’s baseball coach says, “mom, I’m going to ask you to sit in the bleachers, not in the dugout” and although it grates a bit, I don’t mind it. I accept it as one of my titles and I don’t have it in me to explain to someone I see only occasionally that I prefer to be called by my name or as “the Bleached Blonde Goddess.”

But if the people that I interact with daily, like my husband, for example, were to all me “mom” I’d speak up. And let us know if he insists on your calling him daddy. We can definitely help with that.

Good luck,

Marinka, TMH

16 Responses to “Don’t Call Me Mother”

10.11.11#1

Comment by Desperate Dietwives.

Tell your hubby that hearing him calling you Mommy turns you off… I bet he’ll stop it immediately!!! 😀

Cate8 Reply:

Exactly….since surely you won’t want to engage in any kinky fun with someone who calls you ‘Mommy’

10.11.11#2

Comment by Katie.

My husband calls me mommy. Do I hate it? Yes. Do I let it slide? Yes, because the alternative would be to let him call me what I’m sure he’s thinking…
In the bedroom, however, “mommy” is not ever mentioned for fear he will suffer an extremely painfull case of blue balls.

10.11.11#3

Comment by StephanieG.

I hate to be the one to tell you, but once your baby arrives, you’re likely to lose your own identity, only to have it replaced with “__________’s” Mom. And if you’re like many of us, you won’t mind it a bit. Something amazing happens when your litlle family of 2 suddenly becomes 3. My husband became Daddy to me as soon as our daughter was born, and he’s never looked stronger or more sexy to me than he does now. I know he sees me differently, too. It’s one thing to take care of a grown man. It’s another thing entirely to nurture and bring forth a whole new person. Embrace your motherhood and wear your Mommy badge with pride. Except in the bedroom, of course, because that’s just kind of icky.

Tara Reply:

I completely agree. I call my husband “Daddy” when what I’m saying pertains to the kids. “Daddy, Daniel is talking to you.” etc. And I LOVE it when my husband calls me Mama! We’re a family and those are our two of our titles and I’m so thankful!

10.11.11#4

Comment by BrassyDel.

I agree that if you don’t like it, speak up, but your husband is right that others will refer to you as Mommy. It’s very common, I think in part because Mom is like an honorable title and also because it’s used in context for your kids. Assuming your child will call you Mom, it is far less confusing for small children to hear you referred to as Mom. So just be aware that you may need to correct it frequently, though I’m sure friends and family will catch on soon enough.

10.11.11#5

Comment by MommyTime.

I don’t want to be called mommy by anything beyond my two children either. But I do see a difference between being referred to as if that is my name when another adult is talking to my child (e.g. another parent at the soccer game says, “You have to ask mom before I can give you a treat”) and that other parent actually saying to me, “so, mom, how’s it going?” The first seems quite reasonable, and akin to me saying to my child, “Did you thank Mrs. Smith for having you over?” even though I call that Mrs. Smith by her first name, or a nick-name, or whatever. I don’t call my sister “Auntie Michelle,” but I do expect my children to call her that, and so I will refer to her by that name in conversations with them. Make sense?

I would also say that before I had children, there was NO WAY my husband was going to call me Mama, or I was going to call him Daddy. In fact, for a long time, my son referred to both of us as “Sweetie,” because that’s what we mostly call each other. (Mama-Sweetie and Daddy-Sweetie is actually what he said.) So I do agree that there are times when you want to reinforce the name you want the young ones to call you. And so, occasionally, I’ll find myself saying things like, “Daddy, did you hear how well Naomi just read that page?” Again, though, it’s always within said child’s hearing, as if to reinforce that the child should not be calling my husband Rick.

10.11.11#6

Comment by Wendi.

I prefer “Mama-CI-ta”, followed by a wolf whistle.

10.11.11#7

Comment by Karin.

My husband and I only refer to each other as Mommy & Daddy in the 3rd person when speaking to our children as in “I heard Daddy tell you that you couldn’t play on the computer this week b/c you haven’t cleaned your room, so don’t even give me that look!” and occasionally “I’m sorry, neighbor-child, kid#2’s daddy just called us in for dinner so you can’t come with them. We’ll see you tomorrow”.

However, something that gets under my skin is that my hubby rarely does call me by my first name – it’s always “Honey” or “Sweetie” – honestly, when we first started dating, I thought for a while that he couldn’t remember my name but he uses my first name for 3rd person reference. Actually, it goes back & forth between being sweet and getting under my skin just like I think this “mommy”-talk will for you.

VG Reply:

If I use my husband’s name, he thinks he’s in trouble LOL!

Karin Reply:

and he probably goes back and forth like me thinking it’s sweet/intimate/whatever positive to being annoyed you don’t use him given name (provided he likes his given name) until you are mad at him…

Katie Reply:

My husband doesn’t call me by name either! It does drive me a bit nuts. I guess he thinks he’s being cute? I’ve heard him refer to me to others using my given name, but when he’s addressing me it’s either “Mommy” (when with the kids), “Baby”, “Wifey” or “Ho”. Cuz that’s how we roll.

10.11.11#8

Comment by danielle.

I call my husband Daddy in reference to my child. “Go to Daddy.”, “Leo wants you Daddy” etc. Otherwise I call him by his name.
Life is confusing sometimes isn’t it.

10.12.11#9

Comment by Big G's girl.

What I really hate is when the vet refers to me as the dog’s mommy!

10.12.11#10

Comment by I'm a big ol' b with a captial B!.

Let me introduce myself and my husband. I’m babe and my husband is hon. Yep, that’s how we refer to each other. Although, I am very guilty of calling my mom and dad, grandma and grandpa. And I call my inlaws that, too because well, it’s still easier than figuring out if I should call them by their first names or not… even 10 years later.

04.09.12#11

Comment by Don't Call Me Mommy. I Am Your Wife. Remember? | The Mouthy Housewives.

[…] of all, know that you are not alone because we’ve gotten this question before. Secondly, you and your husband need to go to […]

Consider Checking Out...