19 Mar
Do I Stay Or Do I Go?

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

I’m finishing up school in a few months and got a nice externship offer that I can’t pass up. But my husband and I had planned on moving back home to the East Coast when I was done with school.

I am staying to do the externship (it’s only 6 weeks), then joining him out there, but I am worried. What if I like the job, and what if they offer it full time? It would be a very nice entry on my currently empty resume; it’s a great casino and well known.

I could do a lot with the work experience. I have always been the SAHM with a husband who’s an OTR truck driver and this is my time to let him quit and me be the breadwinner. I accept that responsibility fully, but there are doubts. I could do the externship somewhere on the East Coast but would I be passing on something that could boost our income even more? Or should I try to convince him to stay in this area if they offer me the job?

I am so confused. I need advice from someone who isn’t going to bullshit me or just say what I want to hear.

Signed,

Confused in the House

_________________________________

Dear Confused,

Well that makes two of us, because who knew that casinos offered externships?  Now that I’m over that shock, let’s recap some of the things that are going on here.

1.  You  have an exciting externship opportunity.

2.  You are unsure what you should do if you love the job and it’s offered to you full time, because your husband will be on the East Coast.

3.  You are planning to be the breadwinner so that your husband can quit his OTR trucking job. (I had to look that up. OTR is “over the road” which has me worried about Under The Road trucking companies out there.  Better steer clear of those!)

You don’t mention whether your children are grown and out of the house or whether you and your husband are planning to switch and he will be a stay at home parent.

Don’t get bogged down with the fact that you and your husband planned on moving back after you were done with school. As someone very wise once said, “life happens while you’re making other plans.”  (Oh, did I say wise? I meant annoying.)  Opportunities come up when we least expect them and it can be a mistake to pass them up because of a plan previously made. (I’m being told that this advice does not apply to “if I’d known that George Clooney was available, I’d never have vowed to be faithful to you!” type scenarios.)

If you get an offer for full-time employment in a field that you love, you will need to think long and hard (and then longer and harder) before turning it down.  And please don’t make the mistake of thinking about it in a vacuum.  Discuss it with your husband, playing out all the scenarios. You refer to the East Coast as “back home” but what does that mean?  Is it your birthplace? Where most of your friends live? Do you have aging parents that need you to be near them?

These are all factors that deserve consideration and you and your husband need to weigh them carefully.  Make sure that your husband knows how much this job (assuming you get the offer) means to you.  And definitely, explore the job options back home as well.  In the end it may come down to simple economics and the decision will be made for you.

May the odds be with you,

Marinka, TMH

5 Responses to “Do I Stay Or Do I Go?”

03.19.12#1

Comment by Desperate Dietwives.

I guess you had planned the move before you were offered the externship.
Why not reopen the issue with your husband now, and see what he thinks about it? Maybe just postponing of a few months, to see if anything else comes of this opportunity of yours, will do the trick.

03.19.12#2

Comment by NandEm's mom.

1) It’s 6 weeks
2) You might hate it.
3) They might not offer you a job- not because your wonderful, but there may not be a full-time position available.
4) Did you celebrate getting the externship? If not, do so.
5) Congratulations!!

03.19.12#3

Comment by Playitsafe.

I agree with Deperate Dietwives. If you haven’t already made arrangements, and if your husband will be staying at home either way, I suggest you wait to move until you have completed the externship. That way if nothing comes of it you gave it your all, but if you are offered a job, you are not already separated. Always work from the position of power!

03.20.12#4

Comment by scrapdoll7.

If he’s an otc driver is he away often? If you don’t get to see him a lot anyway. There’s an answer right there. Look at the reasons you’re moving “back home.” Many people don’t live near family and that’s ok. Your a SAHM so how old are the kids? Are they established where you are now? We lived in Hong Kong for 3 years for my husbands job. Rented out our house. Promised the kids we would go back home, nowhere near family. He worked in Hew York and the kids and I lived in Chicago. For 2 years. That was 10 years ago and it worked for us. Really think it through. He just might love being a sahd!!

03.20.12#5

Comment by MommyTime.

Someone very wise once told me: “Never turn down a job you haven’t been offered.” Translation: you have no idea what the details would be IF they offered you a full-time job. Perhaps the pay won’t be great, or the benefits will be AMAZING, or the hours will suck, or … or… or… Rather than making a decision now, before you even have all the information, I would say you need to just start talking now about possibilities. IF the job were too good to pass up, how would you negotiate staying? What would “too good to pass up” look like? WHEN you become breadwinner, what will he do? WHY do you need to be in various locations, and what would be reasonably reasons not to be there? At least these lines of thought will help you discuss the issues at stake, without asking yourself to make a choice before you even know what your choices are.

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