Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I’m hoping you can help settle an argument I am having with my wife. We’re in the process of booking our first solo vacation, but we are deadlocked over the type of vacation we’d like to have. My wife wants something supremely relaxing, such as a resort in the Mediterranean. I, on the other hand, was hoping for something a bit more exciting and rejuvenating like an adventure vacation in Alaska or Australia. We can only afford one trip like this, so I’d like for us to both be happy.
How can we reach some sort of compromise? Last I checked, there are no zip lines in the Bahamas.
Don’t Want No Kokomo
Well, first off, congratulations on finally getting away on your own as a happy couple now that the kids are grown and three-quarters of your life is over! (Ahem. Sorry. Projecting.)
What a bummer that you aren’t in unity regarding your destination. Talk about a first world problem, amirite?! Ahhh, socioeconomics!
Anyhoo, let’s think here. I feel like you have exactly two options, so let’s explore each.
While you may not find many zip lines and whitewater rafting runs in the Bahamas, I bet there are many tropical islands that could satisfy what you are both looking for, if you are each willing to compromise just a tad. For your half of the bargain, start considering a vacation spot that has both adventure and gorgeous, serene beaches. Costa Rica, for example has a little of both, as do many South American countries.
Or, if you are thinking of Australia, consider a resort on one of its many islands. Adventures could include deep-sea diving, whale watching, and running from gigantic, poisonous spiders! As for your wife, she may need to be more flexible in her vision of a serene, tropical resort. Spend some time on the Internet looking up various countries and add the word “beaches” for some visual reference. If she’s being especially stubborn, start Googling mail-order-brides. That’ll teach her! Or, maybe just go with a third party for moderation, such as, oh, a travel agent. (No, really, I hear they still exist!)
2. Go with Option C!
If you cannot come to some sort of compromise, then how the hell did you stay married for so long? Also: really? In that case, your best option is to pick something entirely unlike what either of you had in mind so that you’ll both be equally miserable. For example, you could go to New York City and experience Broadway, The Today Show and the Naked Cowboy.
Or, how about trying a vacation in Ohio? I hear it’s lovely this time of year. No? Not for you? Well, another option still is to use the opportunity to experience life like completely different people! Dress up like Rockabillies and head down to the local Roller Derby arena. It’s Highway to the DangerZone! Now that will be a night to remember! Or NOT remember, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!
(I don’t really know what I mean.)
My point here is that, if you are smart, which you seem to be, you will figure out some sort of compromise. Having one of you cave to the other will probably turn to resentment and midlife crises and Porsches, and that’s just expensive.
Bon Voyage, you crazy kids!