26 Jun
Aruba, Jamaica, Ooh I Wanna Take Ya to….Alaska?

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

I’m hoping you can help settle an argument I am having with my wife. We’re in the process of booking our first solo vacation, but we are deadlocked over the type of vacation we’d like to have. My wife wants something supremely relaxing, such as a resort in the Mediterranean. I, on the other hand, was hoping for something a bit more exciting and rejuvenating like an adventure vacation in Alaska or Australia. We can only afford one trip like this, so I’d like for us to both be happy.

How can we reach some sort of compromise? Last I checked, there are no zip lines in the Bahamas.


Don’t Want No Kokomo


Dear DWNK,

Well, first off, congratulations on finally getting away on your own as a happy couple now that the kids are grown and three-quarters of your life is over! (Ahem. Sorry. Projecting.)

What a bummer that you aren’t in unity regarding your destination. Talk about a first world problem, amirite?! Ahhh, socioeconomics!

Anyhoo, let’s think here. I feel like you have exactly two options, so let’s explore each.

1. Compromise!

While you may not find many zip lines and whitewater rafting runs in the Bahamas, I bet there are many tropical islands that could satisfy what you are both looking for, if you are each willing to compromise just a tad. For your half of the bargain, start considering a vacation spot that has both adventure and gorgeous, serene beaches. Costa Rica, for example has a little of both, as do many South American countries.

Or, if you are thinking of Australia, consider a resort on one of its many islands. Adventures could include deep-sea diving, whale watching, and running from gigantic, poisonous spiders! As for your wife, she may need to be more flexible in her vision of a serene, tropical resort. Spend some time on the Internet looking up various countries and add the word “beaches” for some visual reference. If she’s being especially stubborn, start Googling mail-order-brides. That’ll teach her! Or, maybe just go with a third party for moderation, such as, oh, a travel agent. (No, really, I hear they still exist!)

2. Go with Option C!

If you cannot come to some sort of compromise, then how the hell did you stay married for so long? Also: really? In that case, your best option is to pick something entirely unlike what either of you had in mind so that you’ll both be equally miserable. For example, you could go to New York City and experience Broadway, The Today Show and the Naked Cowboy.

Or, how about trying a vacation in Ohio? I hear it’s lovely this time of year. No? Not for you? Well, another option still is to use the opportunity to experience life like completely different people!  Dress up like Rockabillies and head down to the local Roller Derby arena. It’s Highway to the DangerZone! Now that will be a night to remember! Or NOT remember, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!

(I don’t really know what I mean.)

My point here is that, if you are smart, which you seem to be, you will figure out some sort of compromise. Having one of you cave to the other will probably turn to resentment and midlife crises and Porsches, and that’s just expensive.

Bon Voyage, you crazy kids!

Kristine, TMH

5 Responses to “Aruba, Jamaica, Ooh I Wanna Take Ya to….Alaska?”


Comment by StephanieG.

What a tough situation! As a mom who works full time, then comes home to a second full time job of taking care of the house and my family, I can TOTALLY see where your wife is coming from.

And as a kept man and an occasionally lazy jerk, my husband can totally relate to your point of view. Since his second job consists of watching TV and playing XBox, he has a lot more fun with his second job than I have with mine.

Oh wait….now I am projecting!

A vacation is something we do when we want to escape real life. I suspect that your wife’s life is very, very busy, and has more adventure in it than you can imagine. I bet that nothing sounds better to her than sitting on a beach sucking down drinks with little umbrellas in them.

If you’re truly in this marriage for the long haul, my advice is to be the bigger person and allow your wife that perfect beach vacation. You’ll still be married a year from now, and next year, it should be your turn to have the adventure and excitement that your everyday life is lacking.

In the meantime, maybe you could incorporate more adventure into your daily life. Is there a place you could hike? A nature preserve, perhaps, where you could be one with Mother Nature on a semi-daily basis? Maybe meeting your need for adventure during “real life” will make settling on a relaxing vacation with the one you love a little more tolerable.

Good luck to you, and let us all know how it turns out!

red pen mama Reply:

What she says. Straight up.


Comment by Kathy.

I can’t believe Kristine didn’t tell them to take a cruise! The ships have ziplines and pools. The destinations are varied enough that I’m sure you could find your compromise there.


Comment by Plano Mom.

I can’t offer any advice because hubs and I are in the same boat. He booked a cruise for us – I’ll let you know how it turns out. We did have a wonderful time in Seattle, but he was successful in getting me to get out of bed and go hiking.


Comment by Lisa.

Costa Rica is amazing. We went there for our honeymoon and loved loved loved it. Stayed at a resort in the jungle called Lapa Rios. You can zip line, surf, hike to waterfalls and all sorts of other stuff. Or just enjoy the pool, incredible scenery and keep an eye out for monkeys crossing over your balcony through the trees.

Consider Checking Out...