A Studio Of My Own. Until He Took It.
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
My husband works from home; his desk is in the family room. Normally this arrangement works well, but it’s school vacation right now. Yesterday I took my daughter out all day so he could have the house to himself and work in peace. But when we got home he proudly showed off his new home office: my studio!
He simply packed all my art and writing projects into cardboard boxes and shoved them in the closet, then he set his computer on my desk and considered it his. I feel violated and angry and I’m having a tough time even being in the same room with him right now. What should I do?
Signed,
It’s My Studio
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Dear Studio Keeper,
When you returned home, did you happen to notice if your husband had any large bumps on his head? A gash across the brow, perhaps? Anything at all to indicate that he may have hit his head and was now out of his mind?
Because absent some kind of a head trauma, I see absolutely no reason for him to think that this kind of occupation of your studio without any discussion or court order is acceptable. I really hope that he didn’t urinate on the walls of the studio to mark his territory, too.
Not only did he violate your space, but he dismissed your work in the process. And as we learned from Dirty Dancing, no one puts Baby in the corner. (You’re “Baby.” And “the corner” is “not the studio.” Sorry, I’m still in Analogy Training.)
I am going to assume that the fact that you’re angry and avoiding him is going totally over his head. I, myself, am married to one of his brethren and have taken to sending emails to my husband to let him know when I’m giving him the Silent Treatment. (He usually replies “okay.”)
You are going to have to talk to your husband. In preparation, do the type of deep breathing exercises that will deprive the rest of the world of oxygen and then let him know that you are upset. Let him know that you considered the studio yours, it has been for a while and if he wants to make a temporary change, you’d appreciate being consulted in advance.
It’s possible that he has been unhappy with the location of his home office for a while and that being in the middle of the family room hasn’t been working for him. Quite honestly, I would not be able to work like that. If he wants to make a change, discuss a time-share of the studio, but make it clear that you do not appreciate being displaced and having your work moved to the side.
Hopefully you and your husband can work this out– perhaps you can time share, with him spending more time in the studio during school vacations or the two of you putting up a wall in the family room to give him more privacy for his work. The important thing is that he acknowledge the importance of your space. And get his stuff the hell out of it.
Best wishes,
Marinka, TMH
9 Responses to “A Studio Of My Own. Until He Took It.”
Comment by Dorothy.
Wow. Marinka was much nicer than I would be. First, there would be some discussion, and by “discussion”, I mean I would be bright red and yelling if anyone did that without talking to me first. So claiming my space and then topping it off with shoving my stuff (basically, me) in a closet is dismissive of what I consider important! It’s sneaky, rude and inconsiderate.
I assume there was an initial discussion when you began using that space for your projects. Understandable if he’s unhappy in the family room, but don’t put someone in a closet without talking to them first!! Personally, I would be taking my stuff back out and pushing his computer over and making him share the space with me. After I got through ranting. But, that’s me.
Actually, you do need to talk to him. Don’t go quiet and do the silent treatment. Men don’t get that and can ignore that quite well. Be brief, get to the point, no long words, they get glazed eyes, you know. Tell him how it made you feel, and what you want. Suggest a compromise, maybe you get the room from ? to ? and he gets it ? to ?. But your passions are important to you. Honor them.
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Comment by Plano Mom.
Well, Dorothy beat me to WOW, so I’ll just do it in capital letters. That is so not cool. However if you can calm down, Marinka is right you can respond in a way that opens this to a genuine compromise of space that gives you both what you must need.
Oh, and if you get any male to recognize the silent treatment, please be sure to document your method, because you could make enough money to build your own office/studio complex.
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Comment by sisterfunkhaus.
I’m going to approach this is a way that may not be so popular. I think that if your husband does a majority of his work from home, that he should have his own office to work from. I think it’s the way he went about it that was rude and insensitive. He should have discussed it with you so that you could reach an agreement together. That is what I think you should be approaching him about, not the fact that he rightfully wants his own private area to work from.
If you are a SAHM, then I can see why he would want a space of his own to get away from the activity. If you aren’t, then why should the room left empty all day while you are at work?
If you really need your own studio space (is this how you make your living??), like Marinka said, maybe you could share it. Maybe you could set up the closet to hold all of your supplies and just bring out your projects as you need to work on them, or designate a specific corner where you could leave your current project out to work on as you see fit.
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Comment by Carol.
The next time he leaves the house, move his stuff to the closet and bring your stuff back out. Hopefully he’ll get the message.
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Desperate Dietwives Reply:
January 4th, 2012 at 6:29 am
Plus, lock the studio and keep the key well visible, on your necklace. I guess it might dawn on him that you’re a little upset. ;-D
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Comment by Angie Uncovered.
I can certainly see how this would be frustrating and hurtful. It’s never easy to feel like someone so close to you doesn’t value what you do or what you need. Like the others above, I’ll assume that there was discussion about work space when you claimed the studio. That being said, have things changed with regard to your individual work space needs? Perhaps after you explain to him how you feel and he rightfully feels like a thoughtless heel, the two of you can come to an agreement on a more suitable solution for you both? Best of luck!
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Comment by Lisa.
Pack up his clothes and crap from the bedroom and out them in his new office. That should get the conversational ball rolling.
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danielle Reply:
January 3rd, 2012 at 1:34 pm
I have to agree with you. Maybe he went about it that way because you were dismissing his need to have an office. I would agree that unless you make a living out of that studio you should relocate to the family room while he has an office.
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