01 Dec
A Holiday Giveaway For Hot Chicks

It’s the holidays, which means presents. Which means driving to the mall. Which means fighting over a parking space. Which means knocking down a tennis skirt-wearing suburban lady and whacking her with your shopping bags. Which means being arrested by a handsy mall cop. Which means getting frisked in the secret black room behind the Orange Julius. Which means using your family’s emergency fund to pay your bail. Which means nobody likes you anymore and you now have to spend Christmas Eve eating a cheese log alone in your car.

Sigh.

Aren’t the holidays wonderful?

This year they actually can be thanks to Oxfam America’s new Holiday Collection. As you hopefully already know, Oxfam has been making the planet a better place for many, many years now. Together with individuals and local groups around the world, they save lives, help people overcome poverty, and fight for social justice. And right now, they’re offering the season’s hottest gifts! (You can even watch some very, very funny videos about it that star fabulous fashion designer The Hildalgo right here.)

Oxfam gives you the opportunity to be a little more creative and charitable with your holiday spending, so instead of giving your child’s teacher yet another boring ceramic apple, you can give a needy villager a life-changing gift in her name. Like books!

Or school art supplies!

Or him!

(OK, maybe he’d be a better gift for your boss or your husband because they sort of resemble each other.)

Whatever you choose to give will then be donated to a needy villager on your gift recipient’s behalf. No mall trip required! Woo-hoo!  (U.S. residents only, sorry!)

And just to start off the holidays, we’re having an Oxfam Giveaway here at TMH where one lucky winner will win this:

Yeah, that’s right. It’s a rooster! Squawk! (Or, more specifically, a dozen baby chicks to provide an HIV/AIDS-affected household with a flock that’ll produce eggs, generate income, and improve nutrition.)

To enter this egg-ceptional contest, simply leave a comment telling us why the chicken crossed the road. (Which doesn’t have to be funny or scientifically accurate, so don’t worry.) Winner will be chosen by random drawing and announced Friday, 12/10.

Good luck, chickies!

31 Responses to “A Holiday Giveaway For Hot Chicks”

12.01.10#1

Comment by Rojopaul.

Whoa, there, stop the presses…is Orange Julius still around?! I love(d) that place!

12.01.10#2

Comment by Mom on the Verge.

The chicken crossed the road…

to prove to the possum that it was possible.

12.01.10#3

Comment by dusty earth mother.

“To get to the mall to buy unnecessary and painfully expensive gifts.”

Oh. Why did the CHICKEN?! Sorry, I thought the question was why did I cross the road.

12.01.10#4

Comment by Mandi.

Why must his motives be questioned?!

12.01.10#5

Comment by Theresa O'Connell.

Of course, to get to the 7/11!

12.01.10#6

Comment by WCA.

To avoid the Chick Fil A!

12.01.10#7

Comment by Keyona.

To get the fuck away from the kids. 🙂

12.02.10#8

Comment by Desperate Dietwives.

The chicken donned their tennis skirts, got whacked by a madwoman and crossed the road to seek the rooster’s protection, while the crazy suburban lady was being frisked by Police Academy’s Chief Frisker (wearing latex gloves) in the secret black room behind the Orange Julius.

Being what they were (i.e. chicken), they wondered about the madwoman’s motives, and subsequently started laying Easter Eggs out of season, thus pissing the rooster off.

Merry Christmas!

12.02.10#9

Comment by sarah.

To get away from that rooster, he has one thing on his mind and it is not good, she is a good chicken, her momma raised her right, she did!

12.02.10#10

Comment by Finn.

Because the Starbucks on his side of the road ran out of Pumpkin Spice lattes.

12.02.10#11

Comment by dsjuhnke.

Just to give people something to talk about.

12.02.10#12

Comment by Metrowestmama.

Because it was a lawyer chicken and it wanted to get to the accident and hand out business cards.

12.02.10#13

Comment by Crisanna.

She was visiting my podunk hometown for the holidays and crossing the road is as exciting as it gets.

12.02.10#14

Comment by joeinvegas.

In Vegas they use the sky bridges, you aren’t allowed to cross the road.

12.02.10#15

Comment by CoftheU.

So I could wrap her around some butter and make Chicken Kiev for dinner tonight.

12.02.10#16

Comment by Plano Mom.

Because the damn rooster told her not to.

12.02.10#17

Comment by melanie.

to get to the solitary cheese log
eating contest

(a cheese log alone in the car is a bad thing? not as long as there’s something restorative to wash it down)

12.02.10#18

Comment by redgirl.

It was a sad day for Henny, the Rhode Island Red hen. Her sister, Jenny had hit her first moulting with a flood of hormones and proceeded to become a crabby, peckish, and feather-pulling maniac. It was so bad, that on the second week, Jenny started to pull out Henny’s feathers!

There was no one to keep her in line, after the old gray rooster had gone to investigate some strange sounds across the fence and never came back, so Henny only had one option: she must find a new flock. After all, it’s not like that cackling flock of she-chickens would miss her…or even notice she was gone! *Sniff!!

She filled the corner of an unused burlap bag with corn to stave off starvation and didn’t go back to the coop that night. Under the cover of darkness, she slipped across the unused, overgrown fields. She heard a strange wooshing noise and a rumble under her scaly bird feet. Popping her head of the weeds, she say a black expanse with lights rushing back and forth.

Henny gave a started squawk and jumped back, only to bump into the most stunning example of a New Hampshire rooster she had ever seen. She felt herself go red (ha!) like a hatchling.

“Hello…” she said, scratching a bashful on the ground.

“Hello hotstuff,” he crowed. “My name is Bach. Are you looking to cross that road?”

“Well yes…Bach. My name’s Henny.”

“I’ve crossed a road or two in my time, and lived to tell. I’d be willing to help you cross this one.”

“Oh THANK you! How can I ever repay you?”

There was a gleam in his eye. “Don’t you worry your comb over that.”

Bach had her close her eyes and run in a straight line when he told her two. It was indeed harrowing!

When they got to the other side, Bach turned to her. “And now for my payment…”

“But,” clucked Henny, “you said not to worry about it!”

“But now you do! Hand over your valuables, especially whatever you’ve got in that burlap!”

When he saw it was just corn, and not ripe fruit, he began to ruffle his feathers ominously.

(insert into story the rest where Henny is sold into slavery, stages a revolt and wins back her freedom, finding in the process a new flock to keep her happy the rest of her days. But hey, at least she got to cross that road!)

12.02.10#19

Comment by Ann's Rants.

Because she saw the nugget-maker on FaceBook.

12.03.10#20

Comment by Novel.

To get to the other side.

12.03.10#21

Comment by GrandeMocha.

To get away from the inlaws.

12.04.10#22

Comment by Masha.

…to get the Chinese newspaper!
Do you get it?
Neither do I! 🙂

12.04.10#23

Comment by Masha.

Why did teh Chicken cross the road?
To get the Chinese newspaper!

Do you get it? No?
Neither do I! 🙂

12.05.10#24

Comment by Kimberly.

The chicken crossed the road to see if anyone was paying att-HEN-tion.

12.05.10#25

Comment by Gretchen Covine.

Sometimes us chick(en)s just need to do WHAT we WANT, WHEN we WANT.

12.07.10#26

Comment by The Mouthy Housewives » Santa Claus Is Coming To Bargain Town.

[…] forget to enter our OXFAM GIVEAWAY! You can win the gift of […]

12.07.10#27

Comment by Momof4Luds.

Because she saw a Swiffer over there.

(BTW I’d pick Redgirl!!)

12.07.10#28

Comment by Levi.

To get to the coffee!

12.07.10#29

Comment by Cheryl in AL.

To prove to the possum it could actually be done!

12.09.10#30

Comment by itssooflufffyyy.

She crossed the road to get the mail.

06.22.14#31

Comment by cochonne cul.

C’est un véritable plaisir de lire votre blog

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