21 Oct
The Geriatric Art of Mommy Judging

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

My mother constantly judges and criticizes my parenting skills. She literally called me a bad mother last week for taking a break from my daughter by going to a friend’s house for a couple of hours. We haven’t talked on the phone for an entire week (and we usually talk on the phone daily). I don’t know if I should send her a lengthy email, cut her out of my life, or forget everything and call her right now.

What should I do?

Signed,
A Mom Pissed at Her Mom

__________________________________________________________________

Dear Mom Pissed at Her Mom,

You haven’t talked to your mom in a week and you’re complaining about it? You do realize some women would give up their Louboutin boots for that?   Maybe part of the problem is the two of you talk too much. I guess you could send her a lengthy email about her behavior, but only if doing so doesn’t cut into your cocktail time. Besides, do you know what speaks louder than a lengthy email? A slammed phone followed by a dial tone.

You’d think your own mother would understand parenting is tough since she once did it herself. We all need breaks from our kids to be a better parent. The fact that your mother doesn’t remember this leads me to question her sanity.

Instead of emailing a long diatribe detailing her transgressions against you, I suggest you email her articles explaining how untreated syphilis ravages the brain. Follow that with articles on elderly dementia and then sign her up for snail mail nursing home brochures. (The seedier the nursing home the better.) Before your next girls’ night out, I bet your mom will be too paranoid to even think of your parenting skills.

Signed,

Heather, TMH

14 Responses to “The Geriatric Art of Mommy Judging”

10.21.10#1

Comment by Desperate Dietwives.

How about just telling your mother to stop criticizing your parenting skills?

10.21.10#2

Comment by Kelly.

It’s fine to be close to your mom but don’t tell her everything. She probably only knows you went to your friend’s house because you told her. So tell her less. Don’t give her ammunition to use against you and then be surprised when she does.

JubanMama Reply:

I fully agree. My brother tends to tell our parents ev-ery-damn-thing, whereas I learned long ago that What They Don’t Know Won’t Hurt Me.

Also: maybe try on the ol’ “I learned it by watching you!” on her.

10.21.10#3

Comment by GrandeMocha.

“her up for snail mail nursing home brochures” Snort. That’s awsome!

10.21.10#4

Comment by Karen at French Skinny.

I would say she gets pictures and a once weekly call to talk to her grandkids. Be polite and don’t engage in her crazy.
If she wants to “talk” tell her you can’t because you’ve taken her advice and are spending more quality time with the kids.
Then it’s a “Oh gosh, gotta go! Johnny just spilled his milk.”
Click.

Unless she’s a mean abusive biatch then just cut that cord baby.

10.21.10#5

Comment by Leigh Ann.

The hardest thing to do it actually talk to her about your feelings, but it’s probably the right thing to do. My mom does this to my (older) sister, constantly questions her and always tells her to call me and ask me what I did/would do in that situation. It completely undermines her and makes her feel terrible. That being said, I was raised in a family where no one “talks” about anything, they just walk away, hang up, etc. You don’t want that tension around yourself or your kids. Talk to her.

10.21.10#6

Comment by LrkMrk.

I would have to go with Kelly on this one: tell her less.

My mother is also incredibly free with her opinions and advice. When I was a single mother, she continually questioned the quantity and quality of time I spent with my daughter. Now that I am able to be Suzy Homemaker, she repeatedly asks if I’m going to get a job.

The key is to remember that she loves you and your daughter and wants the best for you… the only problem is: She thinks she knows what that is.

10.21.10#7

Comment by annie.

I’m so bad my first thought was – who watched your daughter? This wasn’t like one of those “Good Dog, Carl” books was it?
Those were my daughter’s favorite!! She loved the idea of me leaving the dog as her babysitter.

So yeah, I really have nothing useful to say. I did have some good wine last night though if you want to hear about that.

Heather, TMH Reply:

Do tell, Annie!

10.21.10#8

Comment by Wonka-vision.

I suggest you find some examples of some REALLY bad moms and show those to her (i.e Andrea Yates) then bring up something awful she did when you were a kid and say “It’s not like I (insert painful childhood memory here)” And if you don’t have any, concoct one. She can’t remember every single day of your life! And even if she could, she couldn’t be so full of herself that she would claim to have been a perfect mother. As long as you weren’t hooking or dealing drugs with your friend, she should shut the Hell up and mind her own business…in my humble opinion.

10.21.10#9

Comment by Plano Mom.

Practice this:

“Mom, I love you very much and value your opinion. But when you second guess my parenting choices, you make me angry and defensive. I’d like to have a close relationship with you, and for you to have one with your grandchildren, but every time you say something like that it makes me less motivated to try.”

Three strikes and she’s out except for superficial situations.

However, if you two spoke every day and you haven’t in a week, I’ll bet she knows something’s up.

10.21.10#10

Comment by dusty earth mother.

Ooh, I’m with Piano Mom on this one. Straightforward, loving, considerate, firm and marvelously threatening. Love it!

10.22.10#11

Comment by Kimberly.

I haven’t talked to my mother in months. But then, she does have dementia now and doesn’t remember not talking to me. You could either look forward to this, or have your mother tested for it now to see if this is why she doesn’t remember the hell of parenting.

10.24.10#12

Comment by marathonmom.

My mom criticized mine from the beginning. I was trying to BF in the hospital for the first time and she came over, hovering, and told me I was just frustrating my 2 hour old daugher.

I am with whoever said just have a glass of wine and forget it. Or write a book called “Dumb Shit my mom says” and make some money off her!

Consider Checking Out...