Dear Mouthy Housewives,
My mother constantly judges and criticizes my parenting skills. She literally called me a bad mother last week for taking a break from my daughter by going to a friend’s house for a couple of hours. We haven’t talked on the phone for an entire week (and we usually talk on the phone daily). I don’t know if I should send her a lengthy email, cut her out of my life, or forget everything and call her right now.
What should I do?
A Mom Pissed at Her Mom
Dear Mom Pissed at Her Mom,
You haven’t talked to your mom in a week and you’re complaining about it? You do realize some women would give up their Louboutin boots for that? Maybe part of the problem is the two of you talk too much. I guess you could send her a lengthy email about her behavior, but only if doing so doesn’t cut into your cocktail time. Besides, do you know what speaks louder than a lengthy email? A slammed phone followed by a dial tone.
You’d think your own mother would understand parenting is tough since she once did it herself. We all need breaks from our kids to be a better parent. The fact that your mother doesn’t remember this leads me to question her sanity.
Instead of emailing a long diatribe detailing her transgressions against you, I suggest you email her articles explaining how untreated syphilis ravages the brain. Follow that with articles on elderly dementia and then sign her up for snail mail nursing home brochures. (The seedier the nursing home the better.) Before your next girls’ night out, I bet your mom will be too paranoid to even think of your parenting skills.