16 Dec
Ex-Con Relatives Aren’t on My Christmas Card Mailing List Either

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

H-E-L-P!!! I have a mother-in-law that I swear is directly related to the devil. She has done nothing but give me problems in the five years I’ve been married to her son. {I also might add she hates me because my mother kind of married her ex husband (who, yes, is my husband’s father) but that wasn’t my fault.}

The real issue is the fact that she has stolen things from my house, gotten caught, AND ARRESTED, and still thinks she is welcome in our lives. I personally hate every ounce of her being, so I did not send her a Christmas card. However I did send one to all five of her other children who live close to her. I thought this would rub in the fact that we hate her in even more. She calls us and asks why we didn’t send her card, then goes on to say that I am obviously pregnant in the picture and wants to know when her grandchild is due. I am not pregnant, nor do I look so. I think it was okay not to send her a card, right?!


Am I being too harsh?

P.S. Thank GOD she lives 1000 miles away


Dear Too Harsh,

Okay, is there a conspiracy aimed at turning me into a drunk? Because, sweet baby Jesus in a manger, I need yet another drink to process this question. If these type questions continue I’ll have to insist you conspirators include a drink recipe with your submission.

Is it okay to not send your mother-in-law a Christmas card? Let’s evaluate the situation! She stole from your house and I assume you played some role in her arrest, but you’re wondering if excluding her from your holiday mailing list is harsh. Hahaha! I do love a good Christmas laugh. They should make an after-school special based on this exact problem.

Laughter aside, I consulted a self-help book titled When Your Mother-in-Law Lives in a Trailer Park to make sure my judgment of your behavior is spot on. I was thrilled to discover my wisdom and advice crosses all socio-economic boundaries and applies well to satanic family member dynamics.

It’s okay to not send your mother-in-law a Christmas card. I don’t send Christmas cards at all, but this is more of an environmental decision (save the trees!) than anything to do with relatives whom I’ve had thrown in jail for theft.

Next time your mother-in-law calls to ask about her Christmas card you could always tell her to go steal it from one of the other five kids. However, is it okay not to send her one but send cards to others just to rub in the extent of your disfavor? What side of Santa’s Naughty vs. Nice list do you think that would fall? My advice is to follow my lead instead and claim the pro-environmental Christmas card exemption.


Heather, TMH


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20 Responses to “Ex-Con Relatives Aren’t on My Christmas Card Mailing List Either”


Comment by Cheryl.

Boo-ya! Great advice. You guys are putting the fun back in dysfunctional.


Comment by GrandeMocha.

When will this family be on Jerry Springer?

Roshni Reply:

hahahha!! Good one!!


Comment by Jess.

Mmmmmmm chocolate. Oh wait, MIL’s are the bane of lifes existence.


Comment by LrkMrk.

I love when being environmental falls directly in line with being lazy. It so infrequently happens, that I think this is cause for celebration in itself.

Some one grab the chocolate. I’ve got the champagne.


Comment by Bean.

Just curious – where is your husband in all this? His mother, he should be dealing with her, while you eat chocolate.

But in the meantime, you’re lowering yourself to her level. You might want to reconsider that.


Comment by skchord.

This reminds me of a nightmarish situation that my step-son and I invisioned the other day in which I said my dad would be perfect for his mom. We then contemplated the result…my husband’s ex-wife would then be my step-mother, and my step-son’s mom would also be his grandmother, and his grandfather would be his step-father. Whew…I need to go lie down and eat chocolate now…

Nicole Reply:

Now THIS is funny!


Comment by Wendi.

My family’s so damn boring.


Comment by Plano Mom.

My mother says “hold your head high so you can see who is in the gutter.”

I say “chocolate tastes a lot better than petty squabbles.”

It is amazing that someone living 1,000 miles away can still affect your day to day life so drastically. Could it have something to do with the fact that you won’t let that relationship go?


Comment by marathonmom.

Send her a Christmas card with a restraining order in it. If she’s been arrested and all that, it should not be a hard trick.


Comment by Cheryl in AL.

If you are still on speaking terms with her (you accepted the phone call), not sending her a card when you included all of the family is childish.

How does your husband feel about all of this? If he is willing to include her in his life, you really need to treat her with at least the bare minimum of courtesy.

Either cut ties or spend a couple of bucks to send her a card.

(By the way chocolate can help soothe your nerves)


Comment by dusty earth mother.

I say send the woman chocolates. Laced with arsenic.


Comment by Mom again.

OMGCHOCOLATE is all I can say.


Comment by reiven.

holy gods of chocolate- your brother is your husband?! wtf?!


Comment by Erin.

I hate to be one (as my husband has said before “but you are one”)


Comment by Momof4Luds.

I was with you, harsh, until I got to the rubbing it in part. I think you’re still emotionally invested in this struggle and you should just CUT HER LOOSE completely, rise above, and settle down with a nice box of chocolates.


Comment by JubanMama.

Chocolate, chocolate, chocolate, AAACCCK!

I have to agree with some of the above posters: if she’s really this bad, and she lives 1,000 miles away, then how can she still affect you so deeply? If it’s because her husband insists on having his mother in his life, then I think you may need some professional therapy…and lots of wine. But if it’s just that you can’t let go? Well then, let me put it this way. If you hate her so much, but she’s still making you this miserable, then she kinda wins, doesn’t she?


JubanMama Reply:

Er, that should read “YOUR husband insists on having his mother in his life.” Continue.


Comment by Kori.

Who is controlling whom in this relationship? Just askin’

Me, I dont send card to anyone, for any reason. I don’t even use the environmentally conscious excuse (because inevitably someone says, “But there is the Internet!” like all my classy friends who do send me cards really want in return a cheap-ass internet card, but I digress), I just remind them that instead of stressing over who I can acceptably ignore, I just sit on the couch eating chocolate.

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