02 Sep
Don’t Tell PETA, But We’re Exploiting Pet Fur Today

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

I have a dog and cat that shed year round. My bicep muscles are huge because I’m constantly sweeping, dusting, and lifting the couch to remove pet hair. Are there alternatives to all of this manual labor? It messes up my manicure. My significant other is not in favor of shaving our pets. Perhaps you have suggestions for arts and crafts projects. A dog hair sweater perhaps? A cat fur pot holder? Can I give them away (the arts and crafts not the pets) to friends and visitors or do I actually have to get off my ass and spruce up the guest area?

Signed,
Hanging on by a Hair

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Dear Hanging on by a Hair,

I don’t know about this “giving away” idea. I’ve heard of farmers who make their living by selling the hair off of their sheep. Why not us too? With three cats myself, you and I could form a distribution partnership and rule the expensive sweater industry, and possibly potholders.

On second thought, if we compare all the effort it would take to overthrow the sheep wool market, vacuuming the pet hair sounds like less work. You may not be aware of this but “mouthy housewife” in Swahili means, “take the easier way out.”   So where does that leave us, other than with nicely toned biceps?

You could always use the shedding hair as a power for good, say, discreetly drop a glob in your mother-in-law’s soup, ensuring she’ll never come over for dinner again. Think of the benefits your partnership would reap just from that one good deed!

Throw some hair in your next office potluck party dish and you’ll never be asked to bring food to the office again. That will leave you extra time to Twitter while at work.

You know those clear, plastic Christmas ornaments at the craft store you can fill? Stuff it with pet hair then wrap them up as “Angel Hair Ornaments.” No one will ever guess, plus you’ll get extra points for being all spiritual during the holidays.

Or you could always…hang on. I have to go clean up a freshly puked hairball, which I’m sure will come in handy one way or another. We’ll do more brainstorming later.

Sincerely,
Heather, TMH

8 Responses to “Don’t Tell PETA, But We’re Exploiting Pet Fur Today”

09.02.09#1

Comment by GrandeMocha.

I’ve always wanted one those robot vacuums. Maybe that would solve the prblem.
http://store.irobot.com/category/index.jsp?categoryId=3334619&cp=2804605&ab=CMS_IRBT_Storefront_062209_vacuumcleaning

09.02.09#2

Comment by Wendi.

Well done, Heather! I love, love, love the angel hair idea. You’d make a mint.

Other thought: This Halloween, why not cover your toddler in Fluffer Nutter, then have him roll around on your floor. Instant (and free) Neanderthal costume!

09.02.09#3

Comment by Marinka.

Now my kids will feel all left out because we don’t have enough pet hair for craft projects.

09.02.09#4

Comment by Karen.

Get a Furminator! This really helps with the amount of shedding. http://www.furminator.com/

09.02.09#5

Comment by April.

Lint rollers. Bonus: the cat loves it. I just run it over my clothes once to make it not so sticky and then brush her down with it. It gets up all that loose fur and you can do it while watching TV.

09.02.09#6

Comment by LISA5OF5.

Here is a link to a rant about cats that is so funny it will make you snort and fall out of your chair.

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/bos/277482847.html

09.02.09#7

Comment by LadySteele.

Marinka, email me your address and I’ll mail you some dog hair. We bought us one of those fancy schmancy bagless vacuums that are supposed to allow for easy cleaning, but I suspect were created by Merry Maids themselves to show us what filth and squalor we really live in…..oh, but wait! I digress. Anyway, send me your address and I’ll vacuum a square foot or two and suck up enough animal hair to keep you and the little Marinkas busy for a month.

09.04.09#8

Comment by minipeds.

I second the Furminator suggestion, it works and wasn’t that expensive. My cat’s fur has a way of even sticking to the vertical surfaces in my home. It floats on imperceptible air currents and sun beams…every time I clean the house I look longingly at the clippers and have to resign myself to having a very fluffy pet.

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