BIG NEWS! Today we welcome our new Mouthy Housewife, Karen Gerwin! (@karengerwin) Whoohoo! Karen is a former literary agent, mother of two and resident of Brooklyn, NY! We are thrilled to have her join us and promise to tell you more about her once she settles in. (She’s a little tired from our huge audition process—let’s just say her feet are totally covered in blisters and we still can’t find the live chickens.) So please give Karen a warm welcome and settle in to read her very first piece of Mouthy advice!
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I just signed up for a year-long membership to a really nice Spin/Pilates studio and so far I love it. However, lately there have been two women who go to the same classes I do and they’re ruining it for me. They giggle and talk to each other during the entire spin/pilates/yoga workout and I find it to be really rude and distracting. (There are only 10-15 women in the class, so it’s very loud.) I would normally say something to the teacher/owner, but she’s friends with them and I don’t want it to turn into a big drama. I’ve tried to figure out the classes they don’t go to, but that’s way too difficult and I don’t want to adjust my life because of them.
Oh, Shhhhh, I feel your pain. At my yoga studio, I am the smelly guy magnet. If I get there early, it never fails that Mr. Stink will unfurl his mat right next to mine. True story: I was once the first to a yoga class, and put my mat down right at the front corner of the room next to the wall. The next person to walk through that door was the token smelly guy and he put his mat right next to mine. And not only that, he lined up the edges instead of staggering, so every time we extended our arms to the side and over our heads, it would be this awkward mental dance of who would move their hands slightly forward or back. I mean, what an asshole. Don’t even get me started on the people who don’t take turns at the entry to the Holland Tunnel. They even had to change the sign from “Alternate Merge’ to “Take Turns Merging’ because people are that stupid and inconsiderate.
Where was I? Oh, right, I was helping you! So, I think you’ve got a few options here:
1. This is what I call the Monica Seles approach. Beat them at their own game by loudly grunting while you’re doing the hundreds, or barking while you are in downward facing dog, or saying “Ahhhhhh” when you hit the downhill portion of spin (I’ve never taken a spin class, so I’m assuming that happens).
2. If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em! Instead of trying to stay as far away from them as you can, be like the smelly guy, and sit right near them. Every time they start talking, turn to them with a big smile on your face and say, “i know, right?” It’s sort of passive-aggressive, but you’ll come away from with it your own catchphrase.
3. Suck it up and talk to the owner. Is she really friends with them, or just friendly? Does she join in the chatter? Either way, I think you could start off by telling her how much you love the studio, love her classes, blah, blah, blah, but you’ve been to a few classes where people are talking, and it’s really distracting. As the owner, she should care about every individual’s experience at her studio. The customer is always right, or in this case, customo’s before ho’s.
4. If you know which classes they go to regularly, do your best to avoid them and go to different ones. I know. This option sucks.
It could be worse. You could live here in Brooklyn, where I’ve heard reports of women bringing their 10 year olds to spinning classes.