29 Mar
Where Is The Love?

Welcome back to Guest Post Thursday! Today we have the lovely Lexa from Lemmonex. She’s often better dressed than I am, has more insight and composure in her pinky than I do in my whole body, and pulls off leopard print LIKE A CHAMP. Naturally, she is my nemesis. Good thing I like to keep my enemies close, though because SHE HAS GREAT SHOES! — Kristine

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

I just moved in with my boyfriend of almost a year. We are arguing more than normal and things always seem tense. There is a definite lack of affection. I want things to work with us because I can see a future, but I have no idea how to get through this transition. Any suggestions on how to fix this problem?

Signed,

Bickering Betsy

_______________________________

Dear Bickering Betsy,

I am the perfect person to answer this question seeing as I once lived with a boyfriend. Sure, we broke up, but that doesn’t mean I do not have some well-earned wisdom to impart on you. Please, learn from my failure.

So, living together is great. No more worrying about when you are going to see your boyfriend again or trying to figure out where to sleep or feeling disgust over his filthy bathroom. There is a real comfort in knowing that you get to come home to your partner every night.

But it can also make you really lazy.

I find that when folks move in together they start taking each other for granted. I could be totally off base here, but it is a pattern I have seen play out a million times with friends. Be honest with yourself; are you slipping into some bad patterns? Like the dishes. If you’re not washing them, who is? The fairies don’t come do them while you are at work. So, did you thank your boyfriend for dealing with them? Or for dealing with the management company or the overflowing pile of laundry? Are you grateful for him for tackling the domestic chores and general life annoyances he is handling? It is easy to fall in to these patterns without even realizing it. And nothing makes me snippier and less inclined to affection than feeling like I am not appreciated..

Which brings me to my other point. Are you tending to the relationship now that you are living with him? It is super easy to fall into a pattern of coming home and vegging out in front of the couch once you live with your partner. DO NOT DO THIS. At least not every day. Take off your dang yoga pants. Plan a date. Have an actual conversation. Keep nurturing your relationship.

I think the real thing to be aware of is this is a change and all relationships need to be cared for during change. Put down the Doritos, get off the internet, and tell your boyfriend why you love him. Hell, SHOW him you love him. Just make sure it’s out at a restaurant and not in front of a TV dinner.

Good luck!

Lexa, Guest TMH

__________

Don’t forget to enter our Guess The Mouthy giveaway! Correctly guess the author of yesterday’s advice for a chance to win a copy of both Heather Armstrong‘s & Jill Smokler‘s new books. (Contains Amazon Affiliate links.)

9 Responses to “Where Is The Love?”

03.29.12#1

Comment by TeacherMommy.

Keep in mind that, depending on the man and the pants, wearing yoga pants may actually be an excellent way to demonstrate your love for him. I have to be careful about doing that, actually, because when I DO wear yoga pants around the house with my husband, chances are they won’t stay on very long…

Or maybe that’s what you meant by “take off the yoga pants?”

Rawr.

03.29.12#2

Comment by Plano Mom.

This is very, very hard to do, but so worth the effort. Tell yourself that you are going to commit to one day/week/hour/whatever where you will not say anything negative to your mate. Nothing, zip. This includes talking about your awful day at work, your backstabbing girlfriend, etc. Focus on telling him how great you feel, and how happy you are to see him. If there’s something you don’t like or feel negative about, choose to talk about it later, after your “negativity fast.”

It is so very easy for both of you to get caught up in negativity, looking for support from your mate. But you have an equal responsibility to each other to focus on the positive. No one else in the world is more deserving of that treatment.

Big ol' B with a capital B Reply:

I love this. I needed this! Thank you!

03.29.12#3

Comment by carrie.

This may sound cheesy, but take a look at the Five Love Languages. Everyone has at least one “language” that tells them they are loved: physical touch, acts of service (the dishes), quality time, words of affirmation (“I love you”), and receiving gifts. It really works!

Big ol' B with a capital B Reply:

Just put this book on hold at the library! I’ve heard from a friend it’s great as well. Thanks!

03.29.12#4

Comment by Mandy.

Pretty wise words. Taking each other for granted is a huge problem with living together. Married or not married. My husband says that he always reminds himself that there are lots of other guys out there who would love to have a chance with his hot wife. Ha! But seriously, I have taken that to heart and think the same thing about him. Even when he is annoying me (or vice versa). Thanks for this reminder too.

P.S. I totally refrained from using any emoticons in this post.

03.29.12#5

Comment by T Minus One Week.

[…] Can’t get enough of me? Check me out today at the Mouthy Housewives giving advice about living with your boyfriend. […]

03.29.12#6

Comment by Chelle.

Just make sure he is also doing all of the things mentioned in the advice portion of this. Because if it’s all one sided, it’s going to get annoying REALLY fast. It may be the boyfriend that is sitting on the couch, putting on 15 pounds, leaving doritos chips in the couch cushions, socks on the floor, and wet towels draped over the bed.

Living together is a 50-50 proposition and it’s also an excellent way to find out if you are compatible enough to take a bigger step, like marrying the guy. I lived with my husband of 24 years for a year before we tied the knot and I after that time, I knew I had a keeper. I just hope he feels the same way, but since we’re still together, I suspect that he does!

Lexa Reply:

Oh, I agree whole heartedly…I was giving to her, but this is a good point to make sure he is giving as well.

Consider Checking Out...