02 Aug
Wait…When Did ‘Sports Team’ Become a Euphemism?

Mouthy readers, this is your lucky Thursday, because today we have another Guest Mouthy Housewife in the clubhouse! Noa Gavin, of Oh, Noa, is a 2011 BlogHer Voices of the Year recipient, Nick Moms writer, and creator of the League of Funny Bitches, where she showcases funny writers from around the Internet. Unfortunately, there is a downside here. Aaaaand, it has to do with your Nana. (Maybe you should sit down.) The thing is…it’s just that…Noa? Her website has something to tell you:

See up above where it says that I’m funnier than your Grandma? That’s because I am. I’m sorry for your Nana and all, but, she had to learn sometime. Anyone can be funnier than your Mom, but only the truly exceptional can kick MeMaw’s ass. I’ll happily be that person.

But your grandma’s probably dead at this point, right? No hard feelings! Take it away, Noa!

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

I seriously cannot stop receiving emails and phone calls from a local sport teams sales representative. While he’s really nice, I fear this is a dead end relationship. He’s selling something I have no interest in buying.

How do I let him know – in as humorous a way as possible – that unless he’s offering me free tickets to a game, I no longer want to be on the receiving end (heheh – pun not intended) of this drawn out sales pitch?

Sincerely,
Where the heck is the end zone?!

___________________________________________

Dear End Zone,

Sounds like you want to take this guy from the starting line to the FriEND ZONE amirite? Nope? Really? That was a pretty good joke. Okay, nevermind—let’s start again.

There are three potential stages to this breakup, and you’ll need to be firm in each of them for this to work.

1. SAY NO: He’s a nice guy, you want to let him down easy, I get it. Still though, he’s being kind of a jerk about this whole thing. I mean, what has he ever done for you? Did he ever take you to someplace nice or tell you your hair looked nice when you got it cut? No. He doesn’t deserve you. Just say, “No thank you, from here and into the future. Please stop calling.”

2. THEN GO: He’s going to be stuck on you for a while, so be prepared for him to pull out all the stops to get you back into his twisted ticket scheme.

“But these hockey seats are to die for!”
“NO. STOP CALLING.”

“But the team needs to hear your voice today!”
“NO. STOP CALLING.”

“But they can’t imagine being in this world without you, and they don’t know how they can go on.”
“NO. SEE A THERAPIST.”

Unless he’s going to permanently give you free tickets and show he’s committed, then you’re done.

3. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH: He’s not getting the message. It’s time for some End Zone realness, girl. Every time he calls, answer and then use what I call, “Audio Pepper Spray.” Immediately blare anything by Pitbull as loudly as possible. No one in the world can listen to Pitbull for longer than 3 minutes without massive cranial hemorrhage.

Problem solved!

Sincerely,
Noa Gavin, Guest TMH

One Response to “Wait…When Did ‘Sports Team’ Become a Euphemism?”

08.02.12#1

Comment by StephanieG.

I hope I don’t get skewered for this one, but here goes. I’m in sales…inside sales. Which means I make a lot of phone calls to a lot of people, and hope I sell a little bit of stuff. When you’re in phone sales, it’s all about the numbers. More calls = More sales.

This guy continues to call for one of two reasons. First, he thinks he has a snowball’s chance in Texas of selling you some tickets. Second, he needs to get his call volume up because his boss is watching every single moment of his time, and since you’re so nice when he calls, you’re one of his go-to calls.

Believe me. When you’re in phone sales and can get someone pleasant on the phone, you’ll call her all day long over a guy who is a total jerk to you.

To deal with the first scenario, you will have to be firm AND clear in your answer. Speaking from 12 years of experience, if there is ANY chance in hell a prospect will buy from me, I will continue to call them until they give me a firm no. Not some mamby pamby “not right now” answer, not even a “only if you give me free tickets” answer.

This guy is going to have to hear a firm NO from you or he’s never going to let it go.

A pleasant way to do this is just cut to the chase. For example, “Matt, I enjoy visiting with you and I appreciate that you’ve kept me on your short list. However, I am not interested in purchasing tickets from you, and I’m afraid you are just wasting your valuable time by keeping me on your prospect list. You will make a lot more money in the long run if you spend your time calling someone who is likely to buy from you.”

Leave it at that. No excuses, no wavering. Just tell him no and that to call you further wastes his valuable time.

If he’s emailing you, put together a one sentence decline, and every time he emails you, send him the same response. Chances are good he’s dumped you into a customer database and the emails you are receiving are just part of an eblast that goes out to all of his prospects.

If he’s managing his responses or email bounces, he will eventually pull you off the list once he sees you’re never going to buy from him.

If you’re dealing with a guy who is dialing you because you’re fun to talk to and he’s got to make an outbound call anyway, your best bet is just to avoid his calls. He keeps calling you, and you keep taking his calls, so in his mind, what he’s doing is working. Take the power away by not answering the phone. If he leaves messages, delete them without listening to them. Turn into a mean girl and just ignore him.

Eventually, he will tire of chasing you because his needs aren’t being met, and he’ll go on on to the next person on his list.

As a member of the Dark Side of Sales, I know that repeated calls can be a pain. But I also know that the person on the other end of the line wouldn’t keep calling unless he or she thought there was a chance to make a sale.

Don’t feel bad about hurting his feelings. He probably put on his big boy pants before he got to work that day, and let’s face it, salespeople hear NO a whole lot more than they get to hear “Yes.” Do him a favor, and just give it to him straight, and he’ll eventually get the message and move on.

Good luck, and keep that caller ID turned on!

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