09 Feb
You’re Like, So Totally Braggadocious

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

I have a friend whose life is going very well. I know this because she tells me about it all the time. Like many people, I am out of work and very single, and even though I’ve told her this, she still goes on and on about how great her marriage is and how much money she is making. How do I get her to stop?

Signed,

Enough Already

_____________________________

Dear Enough Already,

I completely agree that it’s totally annoying when someone won’t stop telling you how wonderful their life is. In fact, just last week when I was hanging out at Canyon Ranch drinking champagne and getting   a salt scrub on my size-2 perfectly shaped behind,   my BFF Gwyneth Paltrow would just not shut up about how fabulous she is. “I know you’re perfect, Gwyneth,” I sighed as Rico, the muscular pool boy slowly gyrated in front of my unwrinkled, youthful face, “but my life is just so awful in comparison to yours. For the love of God, Gwynnie, my diamond ring is only 10 carats! Ten! That’s five carats less than the chubby Kardashian’s! Oy vey, my life sucks! Hey, you gonna finish that lobster truffle?”

My point is there’s always going to be someone better off than you. It’s just the way the world works. And we should   definitely try to be happy when our friends are doing well. However, if good fortune happens to turn our friends into smug, self-centered and insensitive jerks, then that’s another story. That’s when we move on to Operation Dump They Ass.

Since you’ve told her that her bragging bothers you and she still continues to do it, I don’t see the point in continuing the friendship a minute longer. Simply let her know that you’re far too busy clipping coupons and trolling for eligible men at the assisted living home to hang out any more. (Maybe wear some socks with big holes in them and eat cat food out of the tin while you’re saying this.) It’s never easy to end a friendship, but the fact is, nobody needs someone in their life who makes them feel inadequate and ignored.

And that’s exactly what I told Gwyneth right before I threw her Oscar into the landfill.

Love,

Wendi, TMH

_________________________________

Hang on to your maxi-pads, ladies, because we’ve got an exciting new giveaway this week! One lucky reader will win a copy of Elissa Stein & Susan Kim’s fabulous new book FLOW: The Cultural History of Menstruation!   As Library Journal put it, FLOW discusses that time of the month with “wit, sarcasm, and common sense . . . the authors use a pop culture lens to posit a modern, feminist, female perspective on menstruation.”   We love this book.

To enter, simply leave a comment this week on one of our posts and/or send us a question to ask@mouthyhousewives.com. Whichever you decide to do, please mention FLOW so you’ll be entered in the contest. Good luck!

11 Responses to “You’re Like, So Totally Braggadocious”

02.09.10#1

Comment by Sophie.

Oh, what the heck: FLOW, ok? I’m doing it, we’re all doing it, and I’m out of wisecrack jokes about it. Gimme the book!

And Wendi’s right about dumping that person’s ass. Done it myself, by the way, to someone who’s life was in no way better than mine.

02.09.10#2

Comment by Lisa.

Wow. That sucks. All my friends are great. FLOW on!

02.09.10#3

Comment by jennelsonlane.

Saw your plea on twitter, so thought I’d stop by! That book looks hi-larious!

Breaking up with a friend always kinda blows, but is often very, very necessary.

02.09.10#4

Comment by Lisa Rae @ smacksy.

Part 16 of Operation Dump They Ass:
Unsubscribe from goop.com

02.09.10#5

Comment by Keyona.

Tell that bitch about herself. Problem solved.

02.09.10#6

Comment by IAmLemondrop.

Good advice Wendi! There is no point going out of your way to let someone else make you miserable!

That Flow book looks really cool!

02.09.10#7

Comment by renobeth.

G8 advice as always.

(I had an Aunt Flo once, from Red Bluff.)

02.09.10#8

Comment by Jill.

stopping by to let you know that I nominated you for a Sunshine Award!

Happy Tuesday!

02.09.10#9

Comment by Amy.

Oh my, thanks for the laugh!

Usually when people tell you how WONDERFUL and SPECIAL their lives are they are the ones crying in their pillows at night. If you got it, you don’t feel the need to flaunt it. (Sorry Gwyn).

That book looks very interesting. If I don’t win it I might just have to buy it!

02.09.10#10

Comment by Andrea.

Ah, FLOW, a word I no longer have to use. It was a gift from heaven above – a total hysterectomy right after my 34th birthday last december and a week before christmas. Best damn gift anyone could have ever given me. See, my life never “flowed” properly because of polycystic ovary syndrome, so its nice to finally see an end to that nasty chaos. I would love to have this book to remind me of the good old days! Laughter truly is the best medicine and if we women cannot make fun of our Aunt Flow, then who will? Right, ladies?

02.11.10#11

Comment by mexmom.

great advice on dump that friend but another thing, there is a saying in Mexico that says whatever you brag the most is what you lack the most… meaning she might not be doing as well in her marriage and finances so she must broadcast the contrary to feel better with herself.

Life is so much better with an IUD… flow is almost inexistent….

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