03 Feb
When Is It Cool to Defriend on Facebook?

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

I have a question about Facebook etiquette. People from my past ‘friend’ me and then half the time don’t even write to say “Hi, how are you?” What the hell?   Are they just going for as many friends as they can to look popular (well, well past high school) or are they hoping I will write and plead to know what they have been up to? Because frankly if I haven’t sought you out, I don’t really care.

I want to stay on Facebook to see what my kids are up to and because I am addicted to one of the games they offer. I would love to delete all the ‘friends’ who never communicate with me but feel it is a tad rude. What do you think?


Frannie the Facebook Fan


Dear Frannie,

Of course, they are trying to pump up their friend list. Don’t you know that is the new symbol of self-worth in our society? Did you think it was still a deluxe home or a Lexus? No, no, no. The number of friends you have on Facebook now determines your financial success, your beauty and how well you age!

That said, some of your old high school acquaintances might actually be reaching out in the hopes of reconnecting. And like all of us, life gets busy. Just as they are about to send you a message on Facebook, the phone rings, they have to run out and pick up their sick kid at school who just vomited all over the other children at circle time, the car breaks down on the way home, they realize their AAA card just expired, and soon they forget all about their plans to reconnect.

Or you know, maybe they just want to build their friend list.

If someone friends you and doesn’t write a note, just send him or her a quick message that says, “Hi. It’s been awhile. How are things?” If you truly don’t care and want the person off your friend list, go ahead and defriend. They don’t get a notification that you have defriended, but they may no longer be able to view your personal profile. And if they figure it out, who really cares since they really weren’t a friend in the first place.

But if you want to be extra sensitive, just set your privacy settings so you can no longer see their updates. Poof. Suddenly, they don’t even exist. At least until your high school reunion.

And remember, life is too short to stress over Facebook.

Kelcey, TMH

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4 Responses to “When Is It Cool to Defriend on Facebook?”


Comment by LZ @ My Messy Paradise.

It used to be that you had to friend someone and then say ‘hey.’ Now, I think just friending them in the first place is that greeting. Maybe they just want to see your pictures, maybe they intend to say hello, but forget. And yes, maybe they just want higher numbers (so stupid.) I’ve never unfriended anyone, but have hidden them. If someone is just on your list to pad their numbers, you bet they know who their friends are and who suddenly is no longer on their list. Lame, but I’d hate to be asked why if I ran into him/her down the road. Unless they are hurting your feelings or racist or obnoxious, I’d just hide them. Save yourself the drama.


Comment by Keyona.

I believe it’s Defriend….but either way delete their ass! 🙂


Comment by Wendi.

So, Kelcey, is this why I can no longer see your updates?


Comment by Frannie.

Thanks for the words of wisdom!

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