09 May
Uh-Oh. The Mouthy Housewives Have Reached The Terrible Two’s

(Our cake, but imagine TWO candles)

This month, The Mouthy Housewives turns two years old!  Which is like eighty in dog years and 150 in blog years (approximately). Anyway, we’re so busy developing our fine motor skills and learning our body parts that we just don’t have time to answer your questions this week. That’s why we’re celebrating our milestone by once again turning the tables and getting advice from you in regards to our many, many personal problems. So look for one question a day from each of us, then put on your Dr. Ruth suit and give us your answer in a totally compassionate, kick ass way. It’s the least you can do for us, isn’t it? It’s not like we’re asking you to buy us a Pottery Barn Kids kitchen set for $1,200 or anything. Jeez.

Now first up—Marinka!


Dear Mouthy Housewives Readers,

My good friend forgot my birthday this year.  It was in March.  March 31st. One day before April Fool’s Day.   How easy is that to remember?  I told her that she forgot it and that I was giving her the silent treatment, and she apologized.  Something about one of her kids having broken his leg—who the hell can keep track of this stuff? I forgave her, because I didn’t want her to think that I was holding onto a grudge, but my secret plan is to get back at her by “forgetting” her birthday.   Eye for an eye, and all that.  I guess I’m religious after all.

The problem is that ever since I came up with this plan to forget her birthday, I can’t stop thinking about her birthday.  Like how many days there are until her birthday, and then I see her birth date in neon letters in my head.  I assume this will end on JULY 5th (her birthday), but do you have any great tips to help me forget before then?

Thanks!

Marinka, born on March 31

 

32 Responses to “Uh-Oh. The Mouthy Housewives Have Reached The Terrible Two’s”

05.09.11#1

Comment by workwidow.

Yikes.

I’m totally the person who forgets friend’s birthdays (except for facebook and that doesn’t count). They’re a big deal in my family, but it doesn’t extend to friends in my mind, ya know?

It’s terrible. I’d say throw yourself a late, fabulous birthday party and make a big deal of inviting her. If others won’t do it, you gotta do it yourself.

I’d sayt

05.09.11#2

Comment by keliah.

Simply change your plan. Decide that instead of forgetting her birthday you are going to do something so HUGE for her that she’s going to feel even more guilty about forgetting yours. More then likely as you plan on how to make her birthday extra special, when the day actually arrives, you’ll end up forgetting.

thepsychobabble Reply:

This, FTW. Definitely.

pam Reply:

This one is perfect. I know, work for you but still you will feel Sooooo superior. And isn’t that what it’s all about???

05.09.11#3

Comment by marathonmom.

4th of July is on a Monday this year. So, if you start celebrating Friday and on through the weekend, you should be so slizzered by the 5th that it’s a done deal – you forget everything but how to keep head from exploding. Not because you have a um, problem, but because you are so damn patriotic.

05.09.11#4

Comment by Masha.

Go out of town July 2-6. Stay someplace (you can pretend is) without a phone or Internet. That way, even if you remember, you can claim to have “forgotten”!

05.09.11#5

Comment by Varda (SquashedMom).

Lobotomy? I mean, if it’s that important to you, why not go the whole distance?

Otherwise, just forget about it.

About the forgetting, that is. Because if you could forget the birthday, you wouldn’t have asked for the help forgetting. Oh, this is getting just too confusing, forget I said anything…

05.09.11#6

Comment by Kati.

Nonsense, the best way to make your point is to be literally the FIRST person to celebrate her birthday! Call her at 12:01 am on the 6th and say you hope you didn’t wake her, but that her birthday is sooooooo very important to you that you couldn’t even sleep in anticipation of the momentous occasion, you could not wait to celebrate the wonderful day that she blessed the earth with her presence.
Then, to really make sure she understands just how important she truly is to you, call her every hour, on the hour, after that to remind her that you do, indeed, adore her and want her to have the best birthday EVER. Continue this until 11:59 pm.

05.09.11#7

Comment by Madge.

Seriously? I mean, do adults really need to work that hard to celebrate each others’ birthdays? All the energy and resentment seems a little like high school. So she forgot BECAUSE HER KID BROKE HIS ARM. That doesn’t seem like it is worth getting worked up about, unless there’s a pattern of her not being a good friend.

Marinka, TMH Reply:

It was his LEG. If her kid had broken his arm, I would have been a lot more understanding.

Nanette Reply:

I LOVE this!!

Ilana Reply:

If it was amputation, I would agree with you, but broken bone? I don’t even think that warrants an overnight stay in the hospital. And even if it did, what better time do you have to make a birthday phone call than when you are bored out of your mind waiting for test results that are NOT EVEN YOURS??

05.09.11#8

Comment by Trish Morrison.

Silly, silly Marinka:

Haven’t you heard? The world is ending on May 21st. I remember this date because a. it’s my husband’s birthday and I won’t have to get him a present and b. it’s my daughter’s first dance recital and I’m hoping the end comes after, rather than before she dances. Her routine is number 7 on the list so cross your fingers. I also owe a friend $311 and I told him I’d pay him the full amount on May 22nd.

But back to you. Since the world is ending, you and your friend will not be around to celebrate her birthday. Ultimately this works because you can just sit back and smile, making her wonder what you know and she doesn’t.

It’s the ultimate birthday friend revenge.

Sincerely,

Trish Morrison

N and Em's mom Reply:

http://www.npr.org/2011/05/07/136053462/is-the-end-nigh-well-know-soon-enough

If NPR is reporting on it, then it must be true. What a bummer that you will not be able to exact Birthday revenge.

Frankly, I don’t get birthday celebrations, anyway. After a few years of celebrating #29, the novelty wore off.

05.09.11#9

Comment by K-Line.

All I can think as I read this is: egad, they grow so fast. And I’m getting so old!

05.09.11#10

Comment by dusty earth mother.

Marinka, Marinka, I’m surprised at you. This is such a no-brainer I can’t even believe I have to say it. Break your kid’s leg on July 4th so you can forget her birthday legitimately. Yes, yes, you’re welcome.

05.09.11#11

Comment by Misfit Mommy.

You need vodka. Egregious amounts of vodka. Also, in order to continue forgetting, it must be cheap vodka, as well. This should keep you in a fog for about a week depending on your constitution.

05.09.11#12

Comment by Crisanna.

My birthday is exactly one week after hers, so just focus on the 12th instead. You’re welcome.

05.09.11#13

Comment by Diane.

Happy Birthday Mouthy Housewives! Your advice has been indespensible and I love the comments from your readers. I’ve stopped celebrating birthdays, frankly. That way when people ask my age, I can just go with the 40+ range. Birthdays are overrated. Pick another reason to celebrate – there is lots to be thankful for.

05.09.11#14

Comment by annie.

Um, my birthday is NOT July 5th. It’s June 17th. Bitch.

05.09.11#15

Comment by Wendi.

I think you should distract yourself with watching RHONY marathons. Then you’ll know just what to say when she asks what’s the matter with you.

05.09.11#16

Comment by Alexandra.

See?

This will never work for you, never.

You’re just too nice.

Despite your campaign with your tweets and posts to try and lead us to believe otherwise.

You’re just nice.

05.09.11#17

Comment by Kyle.

Since you can’t forget it now, may I suggest channeling it into revenge? Here’s what I suggest. Buy as much advertising as you can. Billboards, newspapers, kids with spray cans. As much as possible WITHOUT (and this is critical) dipping into your wine budget. Advertise your friend’s birthday. Lie and claim she’s actually six years older than she really is and that there will be a party with cakes gallor and free booze. The night before her birthday, drink as much wine as you can take. Sneak over to her house and begin partying outside as soon as midnight hits. The crowd of people and rage over no booze will be the perfect revenge.

05.09.11#18

Comment by Mellowdee.

An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind – so get creative n’ pinch a nerve instead. I find that the best way to stop obsessing about something I need to do is to just get it over with. So, rather than waiting around to intentionally forget her birthday, why not just send her an e-card a month early without acknowledging that it’s a month early? That way it sends the same “I’m too busy to remember or care” message, BUT, you don’t come across as quite the bitch, because at least you made the effort, right? Plus, with the b-day greeting crossed off your to-do list, you’ll be more likely to forget her birthday when the actual day finally rolls around.

05.09.11#19

Comment by Cheryl.

My best thinking, which has been known to cause me much pain and suffering, is to call her ASAP to wish her a happy birthday. Let’s face it, once that gerbil has taken control of your brain, it’s never going to stop. Remember, the most important thing is your peace of mind, not giving her a piece of what’s left of your mind.

Your end of the conversation could go something like this: “I’m early with my birthday wishes? Oh crap! I thought your birthday was 39 days after mine.” Saying it with a trace of embarrassment in your voice would be a nice touch.

05.09.11#20

Comment by Ann's Rants.

Sometimes when you repeat something over and over it starts to sound really weird and make no sense.

Just wait until that happens!

HAPPY TWO!

05.10.11#21

Comment by The Flying Chalupa.

Happy Blogaversary, Mouthies!

And yes, what Dusty Earth Mother said. Brilliant. Unfortunately, also what the Empress said. You’re just too nice so it won’t work.

Damn. Everyone gives such great advice. I feel very useless down here.

05.10.11#22

Comment by Average Jane.

If she is really a good friend, then she is a TMH subscriber–which means, she has probably already gotten what she deserves. But if you truly wish to forget her birthday, then you must get pregnant. Not only will your memory be completely erased of all things important or otherwise, but you will have the ultimate excuse to:
1. Be late for everything
2. Be upset about everything
3. Bitch about everything

The list could go on for days.

05.10.11#23

Comment by boobies4killian.

2 words: head trauma
option 2
hourly intake of 6-12 snake bites. It’ll cause hell on ur liver, but believe me, u’ll forget. They apparently made me forget that i was not on the pill, thus causing my eldest daughter.

05.11.11#24

Comment by Mouthy Housewife in iPod Meltdown: Please Help | The Mouthy Housewives.

[…] your problems, we thought it was about time for you to return the favor. And boy do we have issues. Marinka is desperately trying to forget a birthday and Wendi has a french kissing dog on her hands. But enough about those lovely ladies, let’s […]

06.08.11#25

Comment by Ace.

I’m late for the party. I also understand how your friend could forget to call you if she woke up to having to take her kid to the Emergency Room. As passive-aggressive as I generally am, intentionally forgetting her birthday isn’t going to happen. Unless you really ARE distracted all day. My guess is that she didn’t forget your birthday, she just forgot to call you that day because she was distracted. Any time I don’t do something for my bestie on her birthday (we live 3,000 miles and 4 time zones apart), I feel that much more guilty for it when she is the first one to call on my birthday. If it’s really a deal-breaker, let her know by never telling her you forgive her and by never talking to her again. Otherwise, let it go, and proceed.

05.14.12#26

Comment by One, Two and Now We're Three! Happy Birthday to the Mighty Mouthies! | The Mouthy Housewives.

[…] one of your questions. Happily, we may add. Even the dog poop and naked model with a stiffy ones. But our birthday is the one week a year when we ask YOU to help US with our issues. Yep, we have problems, too, friends. Even stunning […]

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