12 Jan
Wahhh! My Fwiend Tawks Baby Tawk

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

I have a friend who talks babytalk to his girlfriend on the phone and it’s really annoying. He also checks out random girls in front of me and makes remarks like, “Look at that meat. I wanna do her good.” It’s disrespectful to me as his friend, but do you think his girlfriend likes that? How do I tell him to stop it?

Signed,

The Loud Mouth B*tch

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Dear Loud Mouth B*tch,

Awww, what’s the matta, snookums? Is da wittle gwurl ma-aaaddd? Is baby angwy at you sillweee fwiend because he’s rood and crood? Is he makin’ you all up-set-wet?

Then dump his ass.

Today.

Seriously, this guy is a Misogynist with a capital “I hate women.” It sounds like he either infantilizes girls with the ridiculous babytalk, or he views them as nothing but sex objects. And as a card carrying member of the female gender, I know I wouldn’t want to spend another second with him. (And what his girlfriend thinks about it is none of your concern. She’s a big girl and can figure this out on her own.) (Hopefully before they pick out china patterns.)

Now, I know what you’re   saying. You’re   saying, “But Wendi…he’s really nice to me sometimes! He’s really funny! He’s my friend! I can’t just dump him!” And maybe that’s true. But I’ll tell you something—no matter what you say to him, he’s probably never going to change because his world view is totally warped. I mean, I know none of the men I choose to have in my life refer to women as “meat.” Especially not the vegans.

In closing, I’m going to tell you some words of wisdom that I either read in a book of Buddhist prayer or on the wall of a Cracker Barrel bathroom stall one time when I was drunk:

“Life is too short to spend it with shitheads, so flush ’em down the drain and move on, baby.”

Sewiously.

Love,

Wendi, TMH

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And our big Mouthy Housewives congratulations go out to Ashley Peterson, winner of our $200 TOMS shoe giveaway! Have fun in those new kicks, Ashley!

4 Responses to “Wahhh! My Fwiend Tawks Baby Tawk”

01.12.10#1

Comment by Sophie.

Wendi, you are so right!
This advice, by the way, is also true for other shitheads, for instance, off the top of my head: emotional vampires.

01.12.10#2

Comment by GrandeMocha.

Phrase of the day, “Life is too short to spend it with shitheads, so flush ’em down the drain and move on, baby.”

01.12.10#3

Comment by luckylottielou.

Today I’m thinking that life is too short to spend with people. Or at work. Who needs cable anyway? Really.

01.12.10#4

Comment by MommyTime.

This guy sounds like a horror show. I couldn’t help myself from dumping him if I were in your shoes. But I might punch him in the mouth at the next similar comment first. Just for my own satisfaction. I know, that’s not very nice. Normally I’m quite kind. But his degree of misogyny is not to be borne.

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