29 Jun
SWF Seeks BFF—ASAP

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

I moved to a new city a couple of years ago and have yet to make many social connections here. I don’t have an office job (I’m on the road quite a bit), so I can’t meet others that way and the city I moved to seems very cliquish. I’m beginning to feel lonely and would like to have a close girlfriend or three to have fun with. How do adult women go about making friends?

Signed,

Feeling Friendless

_____________________________________________

Dear Feeling Friendless,

If it makes you feel any better, you’re not alone in your dilemma. In fact, Kelcey did a fabulous job of answering a similar question a while back and you can find that here. (And I don’t know for sure, but I think that advice seeker now has more friends than Tila Tequila and Ashton Kutcher combined. Kelcey’s that good.)

I definitely feel your pain in making new friends, however the part of your letter that tripped me up was when you said that your new city seems “cliquish.” Does this mean that they all sit together at the same lunch table? Or only talk to you if you date a football player? Or are they all Amish and the reason they don’t like you is because you have air conditioning and hate riding a goat to the mall? V. confused.

But here’s the thing: it’s never easy being the new girl in town, but you’re going to have to really put yourself out there if you want to find a bestie. Join a gym, volunteer, take a cooking class, check out the local city guides, magazines and websites for anything that sounds even remotely interesting. And then show up with a big, happy smile on your face and talk to anyone that moves. This is what we in the advice business call the “throwing sh*t against the wall and see what sticks” approach.

Are you going to meet some jerks? Yep. Some people who don’t want a new friend? Sure. But I know you’re eventually going to meet the Miranda to your Carrie, too. (But stop before you meet the Samantha to your Carrie because she was just too damn weird in the last movie. Yams? Really?) And then, Feeling Friendless, you’re probably going to have to change your name.

Good luck!

Sincerely,

Wendi, TMH

6 Responses to “SWF Seeks BFF—ASAP”

06.29.10#1

Comment by Desperate Dietwives.

Dear FF, I would advise you to start looking for people with whom you have some interests in common.

You like cooking? Look for something like a cooking club or something. I am a pretty shy person, but I found out that I bond much more easily with people I have something to say to, and a common interest is something to start with.

Cheers and good luck! 🙂

06.29.10#2

Comment by OldLadyinaShoe.

Try Meetup.com, they have every kind of group there, whatever your interest might be. If there’s nothing on there that interests you, start your own group! I bet there are other non-cliquish, travels-often-for-work, fun friendly females that are dying for a few new BFF’s too!

06.29.10#3

Comment by mari.

It’s so not easy. When you don’t have friends it seems like everyone around you DOES and is out in clique-like groups. Good luck. I’m going to try to be a better socializer when I move in August, because I’ve been in the same boat as FF for ~3 years.

Masha Reply:

I’m also moving in August and plan to be more social from the get-go. Good luck to both of us! ☺

06.29.10#4

Comment by dusty earth mother.

yeah, it is so not easy to make friends as an adult. if only you had some cool toys to share at the park. but how about a cool dog? are you a dog lover? get a pooch and go to the dog runs in town and i guarantee you will have buds quickly. and if not, you have a furry bud to take up the slack.

06.29.10#5

Comment by writingmama04.

Fantastic advice all of it. Just don’t forget to be patient – it takes time for friendships to take root and grow. As my mom always said, “You have to be a friend to make a friend”.

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