Dear Mouthy Housewives,
My 20th high school reunion is this summer. I’m not entirely sure how this happened because I swear I’m no older than 32, at least according to Oil of Olay’s promise to remove years from my face. I always assumed I’d go to my reunion, but the more I follow the dedicated reunion Facebook page the less I want to go. It’s the same popular “in” crowd chatting with each other (eye roll). Do people regret not attending their high school reunions? And why hasn’t Facebook made these damn things obsolete already?
I Didn’t Like These People in High School So Why Should I Hang Out With Them 20 Years Later?
Dear I Didn’t Like These People in High School,
In order to attend a reunion, you must be in a relatively positive place. You should feel pretty good about the way you look and the direction of your life.
For example, if you are 38 and still living at home, sleeping in your old bunk bed with The Incredible Hulk sheets, you might consider not going. Or if the only person you communicate with regularly is your parole officer, ditto. Or if you went way overboard on the Botox and now look like a disturbing wax version of yourself (think Sandra Bullock at the Oscars), this might not be the time to step out into the reunion spotlight.
But if you are in a good groove, why not go? Forget about the “in” crowd. Do you have a group of friends from high school that you like or liked? Reconnect with them and you can all hang out together. It can be a lot of fun to see old pals and remember just how devastated you all were to find out Milli Vanilli was a fraud. (I still mourn the loss of that band.)
And at some point during the reunion, I absolutely promise that you are going to run into some pudgy guy who is sporting a shiny bald head and an orange glow from too much self tanner and you’re going to suddenly realize, “Holy crap. That’s Billie Thaler. The god damn captain of the football team and hottest guy at school who I worshiped for FOUR long years and the only thing he ever said to me was, ‘A tampon just fell out of your purse.’ Wow, he looks awful.”
The joy of his fall from grace will certainly be reason enough to go. Doesn’t that sound more satisfying than just looking up old classmates on Facebook?
My final advice is to have a few cocktails. Reunions are not for the sober. Unless not drinking is a requirement for your parole and then see earlier advice about maybe sitting this reunion out.