31 Aug
PayMeBack, Pal

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

I loaned someone I thought was my friend $800 so her car didn’t get repossessed for the second time. She then went out of town for a month, and texted me once to say that she’d repay me when she got home. Now I hear that my “friend” came home over a week ago, and she still hasn’t contacted me. I don’t want to be a stalker, but I do want my money and my portable DVD player that she borrowed from me returned. Should I just go over to her house and confront her?

Signed,

Dude, Where’s My Money?

_____________________

Dear Dude, Where’s My Money,

In the immortal words of Shakespeare: Neither a borrower nor a lender be, for loan oft loses both itself and friend.

And in the immortal words of my mother: Oh, Wendi. Why the hell’d you give your lunch money to Susie Johnson? You know full well she’ll just spend it on blue eyeshadow and cheap wine and then steal your boyfriend again. When will you ever learn?

Repeat after me: Unless you can afford it, never, ever loan money to a friend no matter how desperate they may be. Because 9 times out of 10, you’ll either lose your money, your friend, or both. And I don’t know about you, but those   are losses I can’t afford. (With the exception of that skank Susie Johnson. She knows what she did.)

Now what can you do to get your Benjamins back? Well, if you have any friends or family members in the mafia, like an Uncle Jimmy Kneecaps or a cousin who keeps large bags of cement in the trunk of his Cadillac, simply let them know about your problem. Then bada bing, bada boom. No more problem!

But if you’re one of the unfortunate few not connected to a made man, let’s move on to idea number two: become a pest. Text, email, Facebook, telephone, and Skype this deadbeat friend of yours until she gets the message that you won’t go away until your money’s returned. Click on this to find out how to do it in more detail.

The task ahead may not be easy, but I wish you the best in getting what’s owed to you returned. As anyone who’s ever seen Judge Judy can attest, you’re certainly not the only person whose kind heart has put them in this position. Just promise me that the next time someone asks you to loan them money, you’ll yell, “What do I look like? An human ATM, you loser?” and then run away as fast as you can in the other direction.

Sincerely,

Wendi, TMH

14 Responses to “PayMeBack, Pal”

08.31.09#1

Comment by the mama bird diaries.

Wendi, excellent advice. So when are you planning to pay me back that $200?

08.31.09#2

Comment by HellTygr.

Now’s the perfect time to confront her, in the nicest possible way. “Say, it’s the first of the month and I was going over my budget, will you be paying me back all $800 at once, or in two payments of $400?”

That is, of course, she is a friend you want to keep and are willing to extend that option. Otherwise, someone who was at risk of a *second* repossession might not be otherwise what lenders would call “a good risk” to loan money to.

08.31.09#3

Comment by christy.

Yikes — what an awkward situation. Wendi’s advice is great – and I hope I never have to use it!

08.31.09#4

Comment by Mary.

I wanna know why you’d give $800 to her in the first place. She can’t pay the bills that she already has – how the heck will she pay them AND you?

But what’s done is done I suppose. I agree. Put her on a payment plan. Then at least you’ll get some of it back maybe.

08.31.09#5

Comment by Sucker.

Well, actually I loaned her $500 and then $300 and I really didn’t think it would be a problem. I knew that she had money coming in. I did call her today and leave a voice mail about paying me back. So thanks for the encouragement, yes, I am too nice, and don’t usually lend money unless I can afford to lose it, but I made an exception. I guess I won’t be doing that again.

08.31.09#6

Comment by Marinka, TMH.

Or, you could tell her, “hey, could you lend me $5000, please? No? Ok, I’ll settle for $800!”

08.31.09#7

Comment by coffee anon.

never lend a friend money. I needed to hear that today.

08.31.09#8

Comment by L.

It’s always tempting to loan friends money when you see that they’re in need. We did that once, $1,000, and it was a little tense. While we knew she’d pay us back, she didn’t seem to feel comfortable around us until she had it all paid back, even though we didn’t ever bring it up to her because we weren’t worried about it. As soon as the money was paid in full, she relaxed and and everything went back to normal with her. It all worked out, including us getting our money back by the agreed upon time, but I wouldn’t loan money again, because it was still a strain on the friendship for awhile.

08.31.09#9

Comment by Jen.

Yes, never loan money you can’t lose. It’s the same mantra one must repeat while gambling. Good luck getting it back. Becoming a pest and utilizing shame and guilt may be your only way.

09.01.09#10

Comment by MommyTime.

I would give her the benefit of the doubt *for a few minutes*. I’m betting she hasn’t called yet because she’s embarrassed that she can’t pay all the money back yet. Before you go all text-phone-message-facebook-stalkery crazy on her, I would see if you can talk to her once, normally. If (a real IF) she is a good friend,

09.01.09#11

Comment by MommyTime.

oops, comment posted before I was done. Anyway, if she is a real friend, you and she will be able to work out a payment schedule/plan without necessitating all the hounding of her. Good luck!

09.01.09#12

Comment by Andrea.

I believe it was the movie “A Bronx Tale” with Robert DeNiro. DeNiro’s kid “C” in the movie looked up to a mobster named Sonny. So “C” was always chasing this friend of his around that owed him $20. Sonny finally asked “C” one day: “How much of a friend is this guy that owes you money? I mean, was he a good guy, a guy you can count on?” C ends up telling him the dude was kind of a jerk, always a mooch. Sonny tells C that the solution was easy – he just paid the dude $20 to get out of his life. Now the guy who borrowed the $20 will never come bothering him again because he owes him money. So, I guess the question is this: how much of a friend was this person to you? Was she someone you could count on for advice, understanding, anything important? If not, then you just paid $800 (in two different installments from what I understand) to get her out of her life. Don’t go after the money, don’t call her, nothing. If she really needs you and cares for you as a friend, she will come calling you one day….and that is when you say “hey, remember when I lent you that money so your car wouldn’t ger repossessed….a second time?” Seems like a good situation to me!

09.02.09#13

Comment by Sucker.

Update:

Well I did call and leave a message 2 days in a row and she texted me today that she was having problems and that she thought I was mad at her and didn’t know what to say, well, I was just leaving an appt. near her house, so I thought I would go by, because I think if you talk face to face it would be better, and maybe she was just embarrased and we could work it out.

Well, I got there and noone came to the door, so I texted her, was she home and she said she was putting the kidlet down and she would meet me tomorrow for coffee, I told her I was in here driveway, she still wanted to meet tomorrow, so I said, whatever, if you call in the morning I will meet you, then she texted that she would call when she got the kidlet to sleep.

Well, that was 4 hours ago and no call….I feel like such a jerk, on one hand I think, maybe she fell asleep, but on the other, it feels like more bs. So how do I decide when enough is enough and just go to smalls claims court? I have the checks and they say “loan” on them, so I have proof, but what about the friendship? Or am I really just a Sucker?

09.11.09#14

Comment by Sucker.

UPDATE: We finally got together face to face and she brought me $50, she was embarrassed to talk to me, the longer she waited the harder it was. So I am staying friends with her, but I have been leaving the ball in her court and she is calling me and I think it may work out. Thanks for all your input. I really appreciate it.

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