03 Dec
My Roommate Is a Slob!

Welcome to Guest Mouthy Friday!  Today our sage advice dispenser is Yulia, from She Suggests. Yulia and I share a sense of humor, so obviously she’s a comic genius.  And I dare you to read this and not laugh.  Enjoy! Marinka

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

I’m a college student who is living in an apartment with three other girls. I didn’t know the girls until I moved into the apartment either. Well when I was first moving I was told that one of them was a total clean freak. As time as gone this has been proved wrong to me. I’ve been here a month and I’m about ready to scream. I’m always cleaning the kitchen because none of them know how to clean up after themselves but another one of them as the nerve to tell me I need to start doing my dishes sooner because I left a pan soaking for a little bit. Should I just suck it up and deal with the lack of cleanliness? Or should I talk to my roommates about it and hope to god that we can stay civil about it. I don’t want to have to move apartments over this but the lease isn’t up for another nine months.


Clean Freak


Dear Clean Freak,

Oh college, the best seven years of my life! The late night cram sessions (dirty), the smell of never opened textbooks, paying 30K for exchange students to teach you remedial calculus…wait, what was I doing? Oh yeah…

Dear Clean Freak,

Expecting college-aged people to clean up after themselves is a lot like expecting your grown ass husband to wear clean underwear every day: not developmentally appropriate.   And not going to happen without nagging and refusing sex or rent money, whichever applies.

The way I see it, you have three options for dealing with those grimy gits:

One- Create a snazzy chore chart (try Bedazzling it!) outlining specific cleaning responsibilities such as rolling out the empty keg, re-attaching the blinds after a rousing game of naked Twister, or you know, cleaning the kitchen and whatnot.    For each chore done properly, reward them with a shot of Goldschlagger! They will be getting their clean freak on in no time. Or getting freaky, either way probably more pleasant to be around.

Two-Find yourself a boyfriend/girlfriend/miniature schnauzer and crash at their place.    Please be advised that a boyfriend is notoriously messy and you may or may not find a dead rat ensconced in his apartment walls (that remained undetected due to an existing permanently permeating odor). True story.

Three- Ask yourself have you ever tried to rid your stomach contents in a clean bathroom? The guilt! But a dirty porcelain God? It practically does the work for you! Your place will be the after party spot, before it’s condemned anyway.    So I say live and let live, college is too short to spend it cleaning up after people!      (That’s what marriage is for.)


SheSuggests (it’s like I was made for an advice column yo!)

And now I return you to your regularly scheduled programming while I clean up after my dog, baby and husband, ahem.

9 Responses to “My Roommate Is a Slob!”


Comment by The Flying Chalupa.

Fabulous, Yuliya! You are an expert doler-outer-of-advice. I really should try the bedazzled chore chart with my husband. But sometimes I just wish I had a miniature schnauzer’s penthouse to escape to.


Comment by Yuliya.

Thank you all for having me over. It’s lovely to be a guest, I get to use the fancy soaps and everything!


Comment by Lori @ In Pursuit of Martha Points.

Oh, nostalgia.

I had forgotten how hard a game of Naked Twister could be on the blinds. And the baseboards. And the cat.

I do approve of your advice. Although I think the old standard, “I will be throwing this away if it is not cleaned…” might work.

It works with my kids. As they typically DON’T want me throwing away their most comfortable jeans, their bedding or their cell phones. (Not that the cell phones get hugely grimy, but I live for a good threat.)


Comment by Mandyland.

Great advice! I discovered that turning cleaning into a drinking game works pretty well too. 😀


Comment by Plano Mom.

“I’m always cleaning the kitchen because none of them know how to clean up after themselves”

Why are you cleaning up after someone else? Who is forcing you to clean up? Could it be that maybe they know how but they have you?


Comment by Marinka, TMH.

I’m worried that this question was submitted by my college roommate. You know, twenty years after we graduated, so that I wouldn’t suspect her. Before we were assigned roommates, each incoming freshman (freshwoman, as we called ourselves!) we had to fill out some form to say if we were “neat” “superneat” “casually messy” or “hoarder”. I was so worried about getting a slob like me that I wrote “OCD”. So I got a super clean-loving roommate who was happy to pick up after me for the year. Except I’m thinking maybe she wasn’t that “happy” about it.


Comment by Leigh Ann.

I may have submitted this myself. My boyfriend begged me no to continue to clean up after my roomies, who would only wash dishes so they could use them and left food rotting in the side of the sink that has no disposal. Who knew pasta would get that slimy an smelly after about a month of festering?

And to think, the only thing they had to deal with was walking in on my boyfriend and me in, er, cahoots.


Comment by JubanMama.

My first college roommate barely had time to wash herself, much less anything outside of her immediate personal space. At least, that was her excuse for never washing her hair, using deodorant, and generally smelling like a homeless person.


Comment by A River in Egypt | She Suggests.

[…] most  unbelievable  of all, I am the guest advice giver outer at the Mouthy Housewives today. I sent in my application ages ago and  Marinka told me I was rejected because I forgot to […]

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