08 May
My Friend’s Husband Wants Me

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

My friend’s husband made a pass at me. What do I do?

Signed,

He’s married and I’m not.

————-

Dear He’s Married,

If this cad looks like Lawrence Weiner who crushed the competition in my 7th grade Science Fair, you’ll have no problem politely declining his generous offer.

If however, he looks like Lawrence Weiner did when he returned from freshman year of college (who knew finally hitting puberty would make someone so effin hot), then saying no will be a bit more challenging. Especially if the most action you’ve gotten lately is on your gym’s elliptical machine.

But alas, no matter how smokin’ the guy, there is no upside to shagging your friend’s husband. It may be fun and scandalous for awhile but eventually he’ll inadvertently leave his email account open (because this is how every single cheater, since the creation of Hotmail, gets caught) and his wife/your friend will read all about your sexual exploits. This will make things very awkward at your spring school fundraising gala. And let’s all agree those galas are already awkward enough.

Just tell him that although the role of the “other woman” sounds just delightful, you’d rather pass on a year of manic highs and lows, lonely holidays by yourself and keeping the identity of your “boyfriend” a secret. And then chalk it up to a midlife crisis on his part.

Don’t mention anything to your friend unless she directly asks you, “Has my smarmy husband ever hit on you?” And until you can find a proper, single boyfriend, hit the gym. I’d advise finding one with a low monthly membership and a bunch of elliptical machines. As every single gal knows, these dry spells can last awhile. But I promise, your prince is out there.

Love,

Kelcey, TMH

11 Responses to “My Friend’s Husband Wants Me”

05.08.09#1

Comment by phd in yogurtry.

You’re right about the Hotmail. My favorite modern giveaway: the secret cell phone. Damn bastards.

05.08.09#2

Comment by boliath.

Funny and all as this is, I disagree with not telling the friend.

Sure, it might be awkward, she may not believe you, she may never speak to you again but seriously? If my man hit on one of my girlfriends and she didn’t tell me I would be pissed at both of them, I’d forgive her of course but I would be pissed.

Him? Sounds like he’s an ass and he’ll expose himself at some stage, rather she know now than 5 years down the line.

Be sure though, did he really hit on you? Are you 100% sure? If not, say nothing, if yes, spill girlfriend, now.

05.08.09#3

Comment by Mad Jack.

Not just comments, but comments from the other side.

Do not get involved with this idiot. He’s thinking with the wrong head, she’ll eventually find out about it and when that happens you won’t be caught by surprise when you have to go and console her, your good friend, at 3:00 AM.

Another point is that the idiot has made promises he can’t keep. Put another way, his mouth wrote cheques the rest of him can’t cash. Now, he’s done this with the one of the few people he should be able to trust with his life, so he’ll do it with everyone. Don’t trust him, and do not ever be alone with him even for a second or three.

Nice blog, by the way.

05.08.09#4

Comment by The Dental Maven.

Head for the Hills! In my experience, these 2 timers can’t read “NO.” Like a rat in a maze, he’s got limitless energy to speed around every which way looking for an entrance. STAY AWAY!!

05.08.09#5

Comment by Amanda.

On the nose, TMH.

I’d go one further and say that even if the friend asks her directly if he hit on her, she shouldn’t respond in the direct affirmative. Just say “Well, there was one awkward interchange, but I was sure I simply must have misunderstood him so I just filed it away under weird things men do…” or somesuch.

Otherwise, her dear friend could very easily wonder why in the world she wasn’t told yeas ago that her husband is a blithering idiot.

05.08.09#6

Comment by A Coffee and a Cigarette » Blog Archive » Quick scan of the net - lawrence weiner.

[…] http://www.mouthyhousewives.com/?p=153If however, he looks like Lawrence Weiner did when he returned from freshman year of college (who knew finally hitting puberty would make someone so effin hot), then saying no will be a bit more challenging. … […]

05.09.09#7

Comment by Kristina.

Crap! I totally handled a similar situation all wrong, because I totally had sex with him. I do that if pretty much anyone makes a pass at me. Hasn’t really affected my marriage.

(Love the blog. Thanks for the comment on mine!)

05.09.09#8

Comment by stoneskin.

elliptical machines?

ah…

05.11.09#9

Comment by Sticky.

Men are pigs, give him the big N.O.

and
Kristina, I thought I was your only one!!

11.11.11#10

Comment by My Husband Wants to Sleep with My BFF: Is That Wrong? | The Mouthy Housewives.

[…] this loser as well as your “best friend,” who may be “pretty and sweet,” but like this guy, isn’t any kind of friend I’d ever want. […]

02.02.12#11

Comment by Abby.

Who is Lawrence Weiner? He didn’t go to our high school, did he? Cause I would have known he if came home from college all hot since we (you and I) hung out all the time!!!

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