02 May
It’s My Party and No One Is Coming!

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

I recently bought my first house and my sister is throwing me a housewarming party to celebrate. I announced the date two months ago.  I invited about ten good friends plus their significant others. And a few co-workers. Most of them RSVP’ed but now almost everyone has canceled.

Out of 20+ people who had planned on coming, there is only going to be 4 people for sure. Even my best friend cancelled because her husband “was feeling eh about the 2 hr drive.” (Umm.. You can’t drive yourself?) It seems as though most people have made an excuse not to come even though my sister planned it two months in advance. I did move 2 hours away from some of my friends but I still make an effort to drive to see them. I should also mention that I bought my house in January and only a few friends have been over to see it.

My sister is expecting a food count of 20+ people and I had to inform her today (4 days before the party) that probably only 4 people are going to show up. I feel humiliated and pissed off! I thought I had better friends than this.

Signed,

Lois and Her Lame Friends

_____________________________________

Dear Lois,

Let’s see. If you have 20 friends who RSVP’d to a party planned 2 months in advance and only 4 are planning to show up but they have to drive 2 hours each way to get there, and you multiply by the square root of π, then how many friends will actually show up?

I think the answer might be 2. Or maybe the answer is – you need some perspective on this.

It doesn’t really matter how far in advance you plan a party, people will cancel. It’s the human nature of, “Oh my gosh, I’m so tired from work and my kids and getting to the gym and walking the dog and cleaning the bathroom and I just want to stay home and watch TV.” I have friends who don’t want to drive an extra 6 minutes to a dinner in the next town over. So it comes as no surprise that your friends don’t want to drive FOUR hours round trip for a housewarming party. That is a lot of driving.  And I’m guessing it has very little to do with their desire to see you.

You have to remember that you moved away and yes, I’m sure a couple close friends will come out to see you and your new house. I know you are disappointed but you really have to try to not take it personally that people aren’t going to be banging down your door to check out your new abode.

I would cancel the party and plan a brunch at the half way point between you and your friends. Your treat. You can show them lots of photos of your new place.  The important thing here is to stay connected to people who mean a lot to you.

Good Luck,

Kelcey

8 Responses to “It’s My Party and No One Is Coming!”

05.02.13#1

Comment by Desperate Dietwife.

Hmmm… Don’t know, Kelcey.
This letter suddenly sent me back to 10 years ago: I had planned my birthday party and 27 people were invited. All of them rsvp’ed, it was on a Saturday night and everyone was off work that day, yet only 5 people turned up including me, and 2 of them were my sister and my BIL. I felt really miserable at the time and decided there and then to change friends. I did, too (progressively of course, it took me about 1 year to loosen relationships), because I felt I deserved better friends. I never once repented it.

Maybe our Lois here needs to see things in perspective; maybe her friends are cancelling in perfect good faith, but if analysing the situation she finds out she’s the one who’s making all the effort to see those people, while they always find an excuse not to come over and see her, well, then she might simply have to reconsider things.

I wouldn’t cancel the party, though: let the willing ones come (maybe you could put them up for the night?) and enjoy like mad. Take lots of snapshots of you all having fun and send them to the cancelling friends, with the caption “we had a great time – pity you couldn’t make it”. Make sure you take gorgeous pics of the food as well, make them as mouth-watering as possible. Maybe next time the cancellers will turn up. Or maybe they will not, in which case it’s their loss!

And now girl, ask your sister to cook less food, let your hair down and have lots of fun: it’s your party!!! 😀

05.02.13#2

Comment by deathstar.

That’s heartbreaking, especially when they had initially RSVP’d. Where do you live, Lois? Is it cold and snowy in January to March? How about gas prices where you live? Was the housewarming on the weekend during the early part of the day or Friday night? Do your friends have kids and/or pets? Were you planning on serving alcohol? This are all factors that might give the faint of heart second thoughts, though I agree they should have never agreed in the first place. I myself rarely went to my best friend’s house for a social event when she lived 40 minutes away because my husband had to be the designated driver (me? never!) and they was just enough highway driving and police checks to make it a necessity. Or we stayed overnight and brought our dog.

Please welcome your 4 lovely guests and enjoy your new home – and invite your neighbours!

lwl2005 Reply:

Well the party ended up getting cancelled because one more person out of the 4 cancelled again last minute (a local friend- to drive4+ hours to see a man she just started dating whom we both think may still be seeing his ex) so that left me with my Sister (who was planning the party) my best friend, my partner and myself. I was so bummed until my family (sister, mom, step dad, nephews, and best friend) showed up and suprised me at my favorite restuarant and thoughful gifts.

I agree 4 hours is a long drive round trip (for some people, some were local) but I did offer for them to stay in the guests rooms. I’m still really upset that my friends cancelled last minute. I have done a lot of the driving since i’ve moved to keep in touch with them but feel like now its their turn to make some effort. I havent talked to any of them since. I am unsure where to go from here. 🙁

Lauren

Kelcey Reply:

I’m sorry Lauren! That is a bummer. I’m sorry everyone flaked out on you. I agree that it is time to find some friends where you live.

deathstar Reply:

I agree, that’s sucks. I can tell how hurt you are. I wouldn’t blame you if you found yourself some new friends. You did have your family and best friend show up for you and they really showed their true colours. Move on, girl – living well is the best revenge!

05.02.13#3

Comment by joeinvegas.

I’d agree with both above – have the party anyway, email out the pics, and start getting new friends close to where you now live. Time to move on.

09.16.13#4

Comment by knl80.

I’m experiencing the same thing. I’ve been crying all day just looking at my evite. I invited mainly family and a handful of friends a total of 25 people.
But the only people showing up is my mom and my good friend. Outta of 25 invited only 2 people are coming. 🙁
Great thing about it is I don’t have to make a lot of food lol. But my feelings are still hurt. It’s a good indication for me who’s really here for me and who’s not.

10.06.13#5

Comment by Carli.

Not to be mean but it makes me feel a little better that some one els is going through the same thing as me. At the beginning of the year my husband left town for a few weeks so I thought what a perfect time to have a girls night. I put together a minute to win it party. Full of all kinds of prizes. I went through a lot of work for it and not one person showed up. I sat there alone and cried. I spent the entire 2weeks alone. Now I’m planing a chili cook off for my neighbors and only one person has RSVP I’m afraid of the same thing going to happen. I’m freaking out!! 🙁

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