23 May
I’m Ready to Give Flaky Friend the Boot!

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

This is the second time a friend has cancelled last minute with a lame excuse (and no apology). And initially she’s the one that asks me! I have too much going on to hold a date for someone like this. What do I say the next time she asks me to make plans? I’m done.

Signed,

Frustrated Friend

____________________________

Dear Frustrated Friend,

I was just about to answer your question when I realized that I have come down with a slight cold and just can’t muster the energy. Or maybe I’m too busy rearranging my flatware and just can’t make the time.

Is that the kind of excuses you’re talking about?!

I certainly can understand your annoyance, especially if the excuses are weak and the apologies are nonexistent. That said, I think you are getting yourself too riled up about this.

As far as I’m concerned, when someone cancels plans with me, I’m elated. I put on my sweats, pop myself some corn and fire up the ole DVR.  I think you should look at the sudden free time as an opportunity to relax or maybe get done one of those side projects. I personally haven’t put a photo album together since 2005 but I have big dreams!!

Or make yourself a back-up plan in case she flakes.  Know ahead of time that if she bails on drinks, you’ll go see a movie on your own. That way you’ll be less annoyed.

What I have noticed about people is that they don’t change all that much. If your friend is one of those people that cancels at the last moment, then she probably always will be. If that drives you crazy, then it’s time to let the friendship go.  You can tell her the truth and just say, “I hate when you cancel on me at the last minute so I’d rather not make plans.”

Friendship finito.

Good Luck,

Kelcey, TMH

12 Responses to “I’m Ready to Give Flaky Friend the Boot!”

05.23.12#1

Comment by Desperate Dietwives.

To begin with, next time she asks you to arrange a date agree, then cancel at the last moment using the same excuse she did with you.
She might understand, or she might not. But who cares about a friend like that?

sisterfunkhaus Reply:

Why be passive aggressive though? That’s no way to communicate with someone. It’s a lot easier to just tell the person that you are bothered by them always cancelling.

Avprobeauty Reply:

Agreed, being forward and truthful works better. Why beat around the bush?

05.23.12#2

Comment by Chelle.

I just have to throw this out there. Is it possible your friend is dealing with a chronic illness? I have fibromyalgia and have been known to cancer repeatedly on people and just pray that they understand.

I agree with Kelcey. If your friend cancels on you, take it as FREE TIME! Or offer to go to her. If it bugs you, you can feel free to turn down her offers of getting together and then if she asks why, be honest and tell her.

05.23.12#3

Comment by Chelle.

That should say CANCEL. I have way too many people with cancer in my life right now. Sheesh.

05.23.12#4

Comment by Happy.Baker.

I don’t know about y’all, but making plans to go out is kind of a big deal for me. I have to beg someone to act as a babysitter, rearrange my work schedule (I work from home, often odd hours) and if we’re going somewhere where you bring stuff–a picnic, a drive-in movie, etc– I tend to overprepare and spend the day getting stuff together. So when someone cancels last minute, it’s super frustrating and inconvenient and, I’ll admit, hurts my feelings.

I often assume that people just figure that if plans are canceled, I’ll just happily throw on some sweats and fire up the ol’ DVR, not realizing that as a work-from-home mom with two kids, I very rarely get the opportunity to go out, so it’s a special treat when I make plans, and a big letdown when they get casually canceled.

I’d be direct. Next time she does that, just tell her plainly, “It’s a big inconvenience when you cancel on me so often. I think we might want to refrain from making any formal plans together for a while.”

Good luck.

05.23.12#5

Comment by Plano Mom.

Oh, give her one more chance, but before you do, follow all of this wise advice and tell her how much it annoys you. It is possible she is a live in the moment kind of person, and if she knew it bothered you, she might at least make an effort to apologize when she does it.

Plano Mom Reply:

You could also suggest to her that she not make specific plans, but put you on her “I don’t have anything going but I want to” list, and you’ll have no regrets telling her no if you have other plans. Fits her spur of the moment attitude, and might get you to adapt to her style as well.

05.23.12#6

Comment by Just Me.

I understand that some people don’t see plans as a serious commitment but I do. I get very disappointed when I am planning to do something with a friend and it falls through. And if the reason is lame? I wouldn’t take it.

If it were me, I’d say that since she tends to cancel plans at the last minute, I’d rather hold my open times for people who are less likely to get cancelled. Then I’d stress that if she finds a last minute time free, she’s welcome to call me and see if I haven’t made plans with someone who follows through.

05.23.12#7

Comment by Marinka.

I had a friend tell me once how it made her feel when I canceled plans with her at the last minute. I think it was hard to do, but I really appreciated that she spoke up for the benefit of our friendship. And I had no idea that I was doing it. Needless to say, I mended my ways.

05.23.12#8

Comment by MJ.

Maybe next time she asks to do something with you you can invite another friend along and that way if she cancels you can carry on with the other person. That is how I handled a friend like yours and after hearing what a great time we had without her she stopped canceling.

05.26.12#9

Comment by Erin@MommyontheSpot.

I had a friend that did this. She always blamed her husband. One time she told me how she was trying to get out of plans with another friend and was just going to tell her that her husband had plans.

That was a huge eye-opener. Eventually, we parted ways. I didn’t like that she was ditching out on plans, and then to find out that she was making up excuses.

I say you tell her how it feels and put some distance between you and her, and then the ball is in her court.

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