06 Jun
I Like Your Boobs!

She’s baaack!  Mouthy Housewives’ favorite gal pal, Kristine, from Wait in the Van, is back with more wit and wisdom, and we couldn’t be happier.  And not just because it means that we have more time to prepare emotionally for The Bachelorette later today. -Marinka

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

I have a friend who recently posted a picture on Facebook that she took of herself. Her boob cleavage is VERY prominent in the picture.

I don’t know if it’s on purpose (she paid for her boobs, after all) or just the angle of the camera. Either way, it bothers me.

How can she not notice her giant boob cleavage is in the center of the picture? We’re in our early forties, for Pete’s sake!   She should show some class and discretion.

Is there any Facebook etiquette regarding commenting on such a picture? I figure if she’s low brow enough to post a photo like that, it deserves a low brow comment, right?
Signed,

Bugged by Boobies

______________________________________________

Dear Bugged By Boobies,

Let’s get one thing clear right away: there is no way this woman does not know that her cleavage is taking up half the frame. As you said, she paid for that cleavage! Who doesn’t want to show off a new purchase? (Thank goodness that   she didn’t get her vajayjay reconstructed, hmm?)

And, listen, I’m with you on the whole, “Bitch please. Put them boobies away” thing. However, there is no WAY you can actually post something on her wall (passive-aggressively or otherwise) without looking like a fully-jealous, bitter, angsty, flat-chested woman yourself.

Which I’m sure you’re totally not! (You’re not, right? Maybe just a few of those things? I mean, I’m sure YOUR boobs are lovely and your cleavage has more class than…something really classy!)

Listen, in the end, I’m left wondering just how much of a friend this person really is to you. Facebook keeps us in touch with so many people these days.

Even the annoying, nose-picking pals from elementary school. Maybe she’s just not worth your frustration. Or, if she’s someone you’re close with and who seems to be having a bit of a…crisis…with her new rack, then you need to talk about it with her privately. This way you can even ask to touch them and no one will know! (Please. LIKE YOU DON’T WANT TO.)

Good luck!

Kristine, Guest TMH

17 Responses to “I Like Your Boobs!”

06.06.11#1

Comment by Diane.

There may already be this site because God knows, the web is full of all kinds randomness, but in the tradition of ‘what not to wear’, maybe we need a site to link up all the ridiculous FB profile pictures we run across. It’s worth a few laughs with the girlfriends anyway and serves as a cautionary tale for us 40+ cougars. Might need a little reminder now about what is and what is not a good profile shot. And I dare say, selling your boobs on FB is definitely NOT.

Kristine Reply:

I LOVE that idea! I feel like many sites have featured ridiculous status updates/profile shots before, but I’m not sure there’s an actual dedicated site.

Minka Reply:

FUCKING LOVE that idea too! Brilliant!!!

06.06.11#2

Comment by StephanieG.

I can see it now. http://www.faceboobs.com

There are some girls at my office who deserve top billing at a site like that.

I’m just bitter because I don’t have a set of silicon enhanced sisters.

06.06.11#3

Comment by thepsychobabble.

Eh, why get your panties all twisted about what someone else posted? Is it *really* affecting you that, OMG Major Cleavage! was shared?
Just hit the ‘X’ and move on. Save the drama for something more important.

06.06.11#4

Comment by Plano Mom.

If you love her dearly and feel like she’s being self-destructive in her attitude to go with the new boobs, say something about her attitude in general, whether there’s a lack of self-esteem going on.

Otherwise, one woman’s trashy display of cougar desperation is another woman’s tasteful decolletage!

06.06.11#5

Comment by Minka.

So apparently I am the one juvenile reader among you. (not surprising). Part of me feels like — if she’s going to put them out there, then she’s sort of asking to have them commented on. So — you can either NOT comment on them, which ultimately might be more maddening to her, because you sure as shit KNOW that SHE knows that other people are looking at that photo and thinking any number of jealous/envious/bitter/lustful/oh-no-she-di’int thoughts. OR, you CAN say something, since she really did invite it — and call her boobesque bluff. You could even do it in a faux-nice way, like “holy crap! your tits look fantastic!” or “Man, you and the twins are looking great” or something more clever, but is a true compliment. Thus — you get to give a sincere (sounding) compliment, while simultaneously calling her on the fact that she’s displaying her tits in an annoying “look at me!” way. And she’ll never really know if you meant the compliment or were just making it a point to address her state of undress. Sorry, but I am still totally a child, as you can all see!

06.06.11#6

Comment by Wendi.

I tried to get a cleavage shot for my Facebook profile, but our zoom lens wasn’t powerful enough. BOOM.

Kristine Reply:

This is exactly why I need to learn how to master PhotoShop.

06.06.11#7

Comment by Idarling.

Boobs are so not a big deal. We all have them. Move on.

06.06.11#8

Comment by Ed Adams.

I require all new friend requests to be accompanied by cleavage photos.

It weeds out the flat-chested ones.

06.06.11#9

Comment by Alexandra.

People are going to do what they want to do, tastefully, or not.

06.06.11#10

Comment by GrandeMocha.

If I got new boobs, I would totally show them off on FB.

06.07.11#11

Comment by vodka tonic.

Oh dear, my SIL wears all sorts of age-inappropriate club wear to WORK even, and posts pictures of herself, posing and mugging for the camera with those awful duck-lips. Who’s gonna buy the faceboobs domain for us??

Same SIL harps about how her 12 year old is not allowed to wear makeup. Same 12 year old was allowed to wear a string bikini on vacation, however. Ugh, priorities…

06.07.11#12

Comment by Erin I'm Gonna Kill Him.

I’d rather stare at my friend’s boobs than the ceaseless napping schedules they feel it necessary to share.

06.10.11#13

Comment by Updates! In EZ-To- Read Format.

[…] Housewives, you’re missing this out. This week alone, we told a woman how to deal with her boob-showing friend on Facebook, gave Congressman Anthony Weiner some much-needed guidance, told a preggo what to do about her […]

11.28.11#14

Comment by Facebook Makes Strange Bedfellows | The Mouthy Housewives.

[…] Posting pictures of your cleavage. Or moobs. Let’s at least pretend we’re not […]

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