28 Sep
How Could You Forget My Birthday, You Wench?

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

Back in August, my recently divorced/everything is about me best friend since 3rd grade (we are in our 30’s now) forgot about my birthday. No call, no text, no nothing. We always do something on each others birthday. I’ve been upset about this and holding a grudge ever since even though I’m usually the one to forgive and forget.

Well, today is her birthday and guess what? I didn’t say a damn thing to her. I’m curious to see if she will say anything in the next few days about how I forgot her birthday, so I can tell her that she has a lot of nerve. Do you think I’m wrong or is she really being the selfish bitch that I think she is?


Birthday Betrayal


Dear Birthday Betrayal,

Man, does this conjure up painful memories for me. I was 16-years-old and my parents completely forgot about my birthday. No cake, no presents, no nothing. The entire day was awful, especially when I was chased around by a weird Chinese guy who kept yelling, “No more yanky my wanky, the Donger need food!” Then, to make matters even worse, I gave my panties to a geek. A geek! Thank God for Jake and his Porsche or I’d still be in therapy.

Anyway, what your friend did was completely thoughtless. No argument there. However, as someone who is horrible at remembering dates and even knowing what day of the week it is, I do implore you to give her some slack. Maybe she’s just too busy playing marathon games of Spider Solitaire to remember her parents’ anniversary again, Mom. But more likely, with her recent divorce, she’s just a bit overwhelmed.

Therefore, I say the nice, mature thing to do is just let it slide this once and take the high road. As Gandhi or Dora the Explorer famously said, “A true friend loves you even if you’re a jackass once in a while.” Give her a call or send an email wishing her a happy birthday, and I bet she’ll immediately remember she forgot yours, sincerely apologize and all will be better.

That said, I’d really like to end this answer here because I have some hot, sexy Swiffering to do, but I feel it is my Mouthy Housewife duty to say one more thing: I suspect that you might not want to continue this friendship anyway. You say she’s “everything is about me,” that you’re “usually the one to forgive and forget” and then call her a “selfish bitch.” I understand that you’re upset, but still—think about whether or not this is a friend you want to keep or if you’ve maybe just outgrown each other, which is completely understandable.

At least that’s what I told Long Duck Dong when I missed his 50th birthday last week.


Wendi, TMH

17 Responses to “How Could You Forget My Birthday, You Wench?”


Comment by GrandeMocha.

Either be a good friend & wish her Happy Birthday or join her in being a selfish bitch.

I love Jake Ryan!!! I hope he notices me at the dance.


Comment by Marinka, TMH.

This is why I always send “friendly reminder!” emails about my upcoming birthday. (March)


Comment by Michelle @ Mommy Loves Stilettos.

I just wrote about the same thing TODAY!! It’s horseshit!


Comment by wink212.

WOW! that sounds like the attitude my 9 year old daughter would have, not a 30 something. Grow up and wish her happy birthday.


Comment by Erin I'm Gonna Kill Him.

Take her out for lunch for HER birthday and tell her she’s paying the bill for YOUR birthday. Thoughtful AND practical.

And birthdays are supposed to suck for women above the age of 30. Same goes for sex and fashion. Just embrace it.


Comment by JubanMama.

I would love to offer my own take on this, but my hair is caught in the door and then I have to give my birth control pills to a geek.

GrandeMocha Reply:

Even when I was freshman, I didn’t date freshman.

Farmer Ted.

JubanMama Reply:

I can’t believe my grandmother felt me up.


Comment by Betty Herbert.

Apologies – I think I know what happened here. My own BF, who has never once remembered my birthday, mysteriously arrived on the Big Day this year with a bouquet of flowers. Something karmic’s going down. I stole your birthday. Really sorry.


Comment by Melissa.

I love the Long Duck Dong reference. I am with the grow up crowd. You mentioned she is recently divorced. Maybe you should give her some slack, she may be a wee bit preoccupied.


Comment by Rojopaul.

Oh, I can SO relate to this. I guess I’m petty and not a grown up either because I have been in Birthday Betrayal’s situation. I was VERY hurt that my supposed BFF completely ignored my big 4-0. No card, no mention, no nothing. I know we aren’t kids anymore, but if you can’t rely on your girlfriends, what is there?! Thank goodness the hubby had planned a weekend get-away with the girls and my family to Hearst Castle. Oh, and I must add that I have a new BFF now, who is actually there for me (and I for her). Friendship should be give-and-take, not just take, take, take. Sometimes it takes something like this happening, though, for us to realize some people are just completely self-absorbed and we truly are better off without them in our lives.

To Wendi: LOVE the Long Duck Dong reference.

To Marinka: You are hilarious. (February)


Comment by Lisa.

Brilliant advice.

I am also in the “birthdays are a big deal” camp, but that’s how it always was – and is – in my family.

But if a good friend completely forgot, I’d either understand that she was going through a rough patch or I’d do something shocking like TALK to her, let her know my feelings were hurt and let her apologize and then we’d all be happy again.


Comment by dusty earth mother.

This so sucks. It reminds me of when Ducky liked me and I made a pink dress for the big dance–oops, sorry, wrong movie.

As someone who has committed the hideous faux pas of forgetting a friend’s birthday, I beg of you, talk to her and forgive. My BFF did and we’re still friends because of it.


Comment by annie.

I’m in the cut her some slack camp. With a recent divorce she’s probably lucky to remember her own birthday let alone yours. Wish her happy birthday anyway because that’s what friends do.


Comment by Rosemary.

The first year after my separation and heading into my divorce, I couldn’t remember the birthdays of my own children, let alone those of my friends and family. I’m getting better, but I’m still forgetting, despite a large perpetual birthday calendar now hanging in a prominent place in my kitchen. Your friend may well be struggling just to get out of bed every morning and find a clean pair of pants. What’s a lost birthday? Real friends are about the bigger moments.


Comment by Birthday Wench.

Thanks for all the comments. She is recently divorced because SHE cheated, like I said, totally self-centered right now. Oh, did I mention, her ex-husband had just bought(paid cash) for a huge new boob job? I always feel like I am giving, giving, giving to her, with nothing in return. Not that I expect anyting in return, but just a simple txt that said Hpy Bday would have made it all better.

Well, she hasn’t contacted me still and I haven’t contacted her. It’s pretty much over, which is sad considering we were inseperable since 3rd grade. I was truly hurt by this and she hasn’t even bothered with an explanation.

Thank you to Rojopaul…exactly how I felt.


Comment by kokopuff.

400 superficial friends on Facebook=1 actual friend. This equation applies to birthday wishes, too.

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