Help! My Boyfriend Hates My Boy Friends
TGIGPF, everybody! (That’s “Thank God It’s Guest Post Friday,” in case you’ve been living under a rock.) Today we’re thrilled to welcome a super hilarious writer, Brittany Gibbons aka Barefoot Foodie! I asked Brittany to guest post when we were drinking Hurricanes in New Orleans and little did she know that I was lucid enough to remember she said “yes.” (In yo FACE!) Anyway, thank you so, so much for joining us today, Brittany—you look super adorable in your housewife apron and curlers. You really do. — Wendi
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
My boyfriend hates my best friends. He can’t stand them and doesn’t want to meet them. I’m not entirely sure what the issue is because he won’t say except to be sarcastic about it all. He says mean things about them. This means that the two of us can never go out with my friends for drinks and stuff, and if i do it alone, I end up feeling guilty for meeting them. Oh, and he’s 16 yrs older than me. And my best friends are both guys.
Cheers,
Fed Up
__________________
Dear Fed Up,
Funny thing about penises. If you get two or more together, they get super jealous and territorial (hence, the peeing all over everything), and if the only common element in their relationship is a vagina, they feel the need to duel to the death. Or, you know, act like giant babies.
The thing is, they are still riding high from the whole “I invented FIRE” thing, so they think they are entitled to drag their knuckles around claiming ownership of whatever they can club with their bat. Unfortunately, that’s you.
Not, like, literally…this analogy has gotten uncomfortable. I fell asleep watching the Chris Brown E! True Hollywood Story. Circling back around to you.
You have a boyfriend who is 16 years older, and in his mind, you have two young, virile lads who pretend to be your best friends, but really, are secretly trying to sleep with you. Constantly. Guys and girls can’t just be friends.
That’s a real thing. Have you never seen When Harry Met Sally?! Were you raised by wolves or hippies? That saying is on every page of the handbook all boys are given in junior high health class. Girls go off and learn about fallopian tubes, boys learn about gym socks and the dog eat dog world of second base.
This is a really hard mentality to break (bark collars do not work, trust this), and it sounds like your man may have a few insecurities issues. First, is this relationship worth possibly losing your best friends over? No? Ok, then this gig is way easier than I expected.
But, if your answer is yes, and you want to keep moving forward and try to make this whole thing work, you’ve got to get these 3 men together. And, when you do, it wouldn’t hurt laying on the flirty, lovey dovey stuff pretty thick, just to prove to your boyfriend he is the one you want to sleep with, and it will make him feel happy and secure, and like, I don’t know, he won.
Because everything’s a contest with these guys. (Put your rulers away, boys.)
Bonus points if you can fix your guy friends up with dates to relieve some of the perceived sexual tension.
Hopefully, over time, you boyfriend will see there is no threat being posed and be okay with your friendship, and oh hey, maybe they’ll all hit it off so well, you’ll start considering plural marriage.
Brother husbands. No? Just me? A girl can dream.
Sincerely,
Brittany, Guest TMH
17 Responses to “Help! My Boyfriend Hates My Boy Friends”
Comment by Minka.
I’m with Brittany on part of this — if this guy isn’t worth losing your best friends over, then lost the guy. But, aside from his macho jerk behavior (which sadly is incredibly common, as stated above), he’s a super awesome guy worth keeping, then here’s my advice — 1: stop feeling guilty for hanging out with your friends. If you feel guilty, you give off guilty vibes, which your neanderthal will sense, and he’ll wonder WHY you feel guilty… thus fueling his pre-existing suspicions. Also, if you’re going to stop hanging out with best friends or feeling guilty about it because of a new boyfriend, that’s not very cool of you. If the boyfriend wants to be unreasonable and irrational, that’s his business. But if you really have a purely platonic relationship with these other two, then you’re wrong to let the boyfriend influence your relationship with them. You have to stay strong. Caving now will set a precedent you don’t want, and it will likely create a domino effect of you caving on other issues as well.
Throughout my work and personal life, most of my friends were men for many years… and not all boyfriends were cool with that. Many were not. But I’ve found that, like with other things, time does make a difference. I never gave up trying to get them all together. I’d have the guy friends over for drinks, etc. And eventually, after enough time had passed, the boyfriend would see that he and I were having a great relationship despite the fact that I still maintained these friendships with other guys. It just took a while for them to believe it could be possible.
If this guy is really worth it, hang in there. But don’t let him choose your friends or push you around. That’s a recipe for disaster.
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Comment by Bean.
One note of warning: one of the first things abusive people do is try to separate people from their support systems – friends & family. Keep your eyes open for other controlling behaviors, because this is a red flag.
(Please forgive if this posts twice – computer issues today!)
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Danielle Reply:
May 20th, 2011 at 12:38 pm
I was thinking this same thing until I came to the end about her friends being guys. I really think it’s the penis thing.
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Comment by GrandeMocha.
Be honest & above board. Tell him that you are going out with your friends & he is invited. Then GO. If he comes along great, if he stays home great. Do what you want to do. If he can’t go along with the plan, he needs to go.
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Comment by Plano Mom.
I would also make it clear that even if he chose to decline on invitations to come hang out with the guys, he is not allowed to continue to say mean things about them.
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Ace Reply:
June 7th, 2011 at 8:32 am
for real!!!! That part reminds me of my ex… who was a sociopath.
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Comment by StephanieG.
Life is too short to be with a man who makes you feel bad about your friends.
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Comment by Zephyr.
The problem isn’t that your relationship with your friends isn’t platonic… or that your boyfriend thinks you have ulterior motives. The problem is that he knows men… he IS one after all. It’s not that he doesn’t trust you… it’s that he doesn’t trust THEM.
And how can you convince him that they are trustworthy? You can’t. Because he firmly believes that if they are platonic friends with you, it is only because they are biding their time hoping for more. After all, if he sees just how amazing you are, they must see it as well. And if he wants in your pants, clearly they do too. Because obviously, being a man, he is certain that he knows men and you don’t.
He knows that most men will happily get in the pants of most any woman, even their best friend. Maybe ESPECIALLY their best friend, because heck, if you can’t do your best friend, who CAN you do?
So as long as your friendships with them ARE truly platonic, don’t feel guilty for hanging out with them. If he truly can’t handle the friendships, you may have to choose, but if he’s really a keeper, he should respect and trust YOU enough to keep your friendship with them at an appropriate level, even if he DOESN’T trust them.
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Comment by Rojopaul.
Gosh, I guess I’m alone here. Ask yourself this question: How would you feel if your boyfriend (or husband)’s two best friends were girls? I’m of the opinion that that the stuff shared between best friends should stay among the same sex. It’s just too easy/convenient when things are tough to go cyring on someone’s shoulder and before you know it, someone is engaged in an affair. I’ve seen it happen too often. To me, it’s not worth it. Get a couple of girl BFFS, IMHO, and work on cultivating your relationship with your guy. Good luck to you!
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Mom Again Reply:
May 21st, 2011 at 2:23 am
My husband’s two closest college mates were two women. It can be fine. It is rarely some sort of secret unrequited love like in a teen movie. It is even more rarely some sort of secret unrequited lust like in a porn flick.
Friends. If he can’t handle it, he can go.
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Comment by Beth.
Brittany is hilarious!
I say either ditch your friends or ditch your guy.
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Comment by N and Em's mom.
Hmmm, so he’s mean about 2 guys that he’s never met? Is your name Snooki? What do you say about your friends? If the answer is “nothing bad” then your boyfriend needs to go. I’m not buying the Y chromosome defense; mean is mean. Does he like anyone in your life? Is he nice to you, but an ass to everyone else? If so, your other friends, co-workers, and family are next, and it’s only a matter of time until he directs “mean” in your direction. If you’re reading this and making excuses for his behavior, the “get the hell out of Dodge” ship is sailing- don’t bother to pack a bag, jump off the pier and swim like mad.
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Ace Reply:
June 7th, 2011 at 8:36 am
Thank you so much for this comment. I felt that the reply did not warn enough of what a major red flag this kind of behavior can be. My ex (23 years my senior, which was #1 red flag), forced me to dump all of my friends (#2 red flag), got me to move in with him way too fast (#3 red flag), eventually told off my mom because he found out that she looked to see if he was on the sex offender registry (and he SHOULD be, I don’t know how he hasn’t been caught yet…), sold all of my belongings, moved me away from all of my friends and family, and you know…. the rest is too ugly to talk about just yet. Anyway, thank you for talking some sense.
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GrandeMocha Reply:
May 20th, 2011 at 8:24 am
I love Brother husbands too! 3 paychecks.
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