20 May
Do Leeches Make Good Friends?

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

I have a woman I thought was a friend of mine, who now only seems to call me in a time of need, HER NEED. I really like this woman but then again, I feel very used.   Should I pursue this relationship or just move on?

Willing to at least try
__________________________________________

Dear Willing to Try,

I once had a higher tolerance for selfish friends who needed me.   Let’s face it, it’s nice to be needed as a friend, especially if it leaves you feeling superior for not having such ridiculous problems and includes a lot of gossip-worthy information you can bore your husband with. (Consider it not only payback for his droning on about work but also a nice break from talking about the kids, because what else do couples talk about? World events?   Pfft.)

However, my level of tolerance for selfish friends is now right up there with school fundraisers, higher taxes, and stepping on a hairball in the middle of the night.

My indulgence with self-centered friends changed when I had children, who, by the way, only call upon me when they need something and, shockingly, are rarely interested in my wants and desires.   To them, I live for nothing but to drive them to T-ball practice and wash their clothes. I don’t know about you, but my kids pretty much fulfill the selfish people quota in my life.

A healthy friendship is about respect, and part of that respect is a balance of give and take.   I’ll use one of my friendships as an example:   When one of us has a problem we need to share, I give her a margarita and take from her a cigarette.   See how that works?

It could be your friend is oblivious to the imbalance in the relationship and not necessarily a jerk.   Since you really like this woman, I suggest trying to change things up.   Call her up to plan a fun lunch date or shopping trip, or something that appeals to your mutual interests. Sometimes a change of pace will snap people out of their selfish funk.

Or it could be your friend enjoys being a self-absorbed leech, and if that’s the case, who has time for that when there are blood-sucking children to raise?

Sincerely,

Heather, TMH

4 Responses to “Do Leeches Make Good Friends?”

05.20.09#1

Comment by Dejoni.

I’m always very upfront with my friends. If I think they’re being a bitch, I just tell them. Take them out for a drink and just lay it on the line. A lot of times they don’t even realize they are acting that way. I want them to be that way with me if I’m acting like a selfish moron. True friends can take it…

05.20.09#2

Comment by Marinka.

Hey, I thought that calling friends in my time of need was what it was all about? It’s not my fault if their problems are super boring, while my dilemmas of what to wear are fascinating.

05.20.09#3

Comment by Jessica.

I don’t have this problem as every time I make a friend they move. Hmmmmm, should I take that personally?

05.20.09#4

Comment by Roshni.

Does she have a good stock of alcohol she pours out for you with while she pours out her troubles to you?! In that case, I see no reason to change the equation!!

Consider Checking Out...