25 Jan
D-I-V-O-R-C-E spells PARTY TIME!

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

My good friend “Cindy” and I are both in our 40’s. She recently got divorced and now, quite understandably, she wants to go out to clubs and bars and start mingling. The problem is that she wants me to go with her because she doesn’t want to go alone. I’m happily married and don’t have the time or desire to hang out in a singles bar, but I still want to support her. Advice?

Signed,

Not Single, Don’t Wanna Mingle

_________________________

Dear Not Single,

One thing nobody tells you about in your 20’s—when you and all of your friends are out every night meeting guys—is that half of you will be doing it all over again 20 years later. Only this time most of the guys will be bald, disillusioned and taking medicine for their high cholesterol. It’s like Cocoon meets Sex and the City meets Dr. Oz. HOT!

Anyway, while you’re a good friend for supporting her, of course you can’t accompany her on her nightly Man Trawls or you’ll soon be divorced yourself. Therefore, I have a few (brilliant) suggestions for you:

1. Find another single or divorced woman you know and hook them up. They no doubt have a lot in common and would love to spend time going out to clubs together. (Think  The First Wives Club, but without the poor writing and lip syncing to Motown songs.)

2. Suggest Cindy try another way of meeting men, such as Match.com, eHarmony or the new dating/tax service I just invented two minutes ago called “Heart o’ Tax” where you can go on a date with a CPA and have him do your taxes before he kisses you good night. 1099! 1099! Oh, God, 10…99!

3. Related to #2, see if she’s interested in being set-up with a single man you know, then maybe go on a double date. That way she still has you around as back-up, but it’s a little more civilized than a single’s bar where people lick things off of other people and then scream “Woohoo!” and have to go to the county health clinic a week later.

4. Do not, under any circumstances, call her a Cougar, a Puma or a Mountain Snow Leopard because it will only hurt her feelings. Unless, of course, she’s dating a 25-year-old guy named Colton who works at a kiosk.

But my biggest piece of advice is for you is to realize that she’s probably sewing some wild oats (or “sowing” if you prefer the “correct” usage of that term) and will calm down soon enough. Divorce is incredibly stressful and she’s now just enjoying herself as much as she can. So be there, support her and listen to the stories about all the hot guys she met last night.

Especially the bald ones who have high cholesterol.

Sincerely,

Wendi, TMH

5 Responses to “D-I-V-O-R-C-E spells PARTY TIME!”

01.25.12#1

Comment by JAK.

She might try joining some groups on Meetup.com. She could either find one that caters to her hobbies and interests, or join one of the many, many social clubs. They have specific social clubs for divorcees, over 40s, people who live in the western part of town, people who want to eat sushi, etc.). That way she could meet other singles to go out with!

01.25.12#2

Comment by Plano Mom.

If your hubs is willing, arrange for one or two “grown women go wild” nights, where the hubs is the designated driver. Then you’re still supporting her while giving her a couple nights to figure out whether 1) she’s too old to really party or 2) you’re too old and married to party with.

01.25.12#3

Comment by Catherine.

Oh mercy, if this ever happens to me please, use shoot me.
Signed,
Never Ever Ever Ever Want To Date Again.

01.25.12#4

Comment by Julie.

I’m with Catherine. Plus, I’m old enough to know some 40+ women who are now dating a guy named “Colton” who works at a kiosk. I’m sure the sex is amazing, but dealing with the 23+ hours a day before and after makes me want to open a vein.

No matter how frustrated I am with my husband at times, imagining what these life support systems for a penis bring to the table is soul-shriveling.

02.20.12#5

Comment by Should I Stay or Should I Go? | The Mouthy Housewives.

[…] am going through a divorce, and it was a mutual decision at first. Then, however, he changed his mind and now says that he […]

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