19 Jan
Should I Be Ex-Communicado With My Ex?

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

Can you tell me what the etiquette is for post-divorce holiday greetings? My holiday greeting to my drunken, womanizing ex-husband was nothing.   Meanwhile, his Christmas greeting to all my family members, close friends, distant friends, vague acquaintances, and even my 8-year-old goddaughter was a picture postcard with he and his new girlfriend. (This girlfriend probably was one of the many that he had while we were married.)

While I thought his attempts to humiliate and destroy me would have ended after the divorce papers were signed, the fun just keeps coming.   Is there an etiquette for post-divorce holiday greetings that I missed out on? Advice?

Signed,


Newly-Free and Ready-to-be-Happy in Nevada

_________________________________

Dear Newly Free in Nevada,

It seems to me that this is a basic question of manners. Now that you’re rid of this loser for good, should you take the high road and send him a nice, civil holiday card, or should you take the low-down-jerkface-surface road and do something like he did?   Well, let’s think about this.

On the one hand, getting down to his level can sometimes feel pretty damn good, especially when you’re dealing with an ex-husband who is apparently—to quote Jennifer Aniston when she was talking about Brad Pitt—“missing a sensitivity chip.” Therefore, some recommended holiday greetings to give him next year could include:

1. A flaming bag of dog sh*t wrapped in holiday paper

2. A Molotov Cocktail (Hint: Mix in some pumpkin spice to make it even more festive)

3.   A YouTube video of his elf-like private parts set to “Jingle Bells”

Or

4. A holiday visit from a 6’6″ ex-con named “Malice” who’s dressed in a Santa suit, and carrying a red and white striped crowbar and two rolls of duct tape because someone’s “on the naughty list.”

But while any of those special greetings would no doubt give you some temporary joy, we all know that getting down in the gutter only makes you feel like a rat, too. Therefore, I say just ignore him. Do what you did this year and send him nothing. Your time with him is over, and all he’s going to do is bring more aggravation to your life if you continue communication.   It’s your life, and you should definitely move on and find happiness.

Although, if you wanted to send out a New Year’s card with a picture of the two of you on it that has his face blacked out and the caption, “I Just Lost 200 Pounds of Ugly Fat!”, I certainly wouldn’t try to stop you.

Love,

Wendi, TMH

7 Responses to “Should I Be Ex-Communicado With My Ex?”

01.19.10#1

Comment by Sally.

lol! I like the new year’s card idea the best. It could be a “divorce announcement”. A sort of a reverse Wedding announcement, sent out with much flourish!

01.19.10#2

Comment by Marinka.

I love these ideas so much, Wendi, I just may have to get divorced in order to implement them.

01.19.10#3

Comment by LISA5OF5.

I swear, my neighbors can hear me ’cause I’m laughing so loud! Wendi, you kill me. I love the divorce announcement the best. Damn, that’s funny.
Here’s my two cent’s: the best revenge is living well. Not original, or funny, but true.
And besides, everyone who got the picture postcard was only thinking one of three things:
1) Poor stupid girl!
2) What a jackass!
3) Another picture postcard!? Doesn’t anyone just send a frickin’ card anymore??? Geez, the pressure at Christmas! I can barely get my shopping done and these people go out two months before Christmas and get a picture postcard done?!? Holy crap!

….well, maybe that last one is just me.

He can only humiliate and destroy you if you give him permission to do that. Don’t.

01.19.10#4

Comment by mexmom.

Coming from someone who is recently divorced and sent cards to his ex-family… of course mine were my son’s picture.

I love the 200 lb diet idea… LOL I think I will use it soon.

01.19.10#5

Comment by the mama bird diaries.

This post really made me appreciate my husband. Oh that poor girl. I’m glad she got rid of that jerk. She deserves so much better.

01.19.10#6

Comment by GrandeMocha.

#4 #4 #4

04.10.11#7

Comment by NoDoubleStandard.

You women crack me up. Do you advocate the same childish antics for a man in identical circumstances? I love the one about posting a picture of her genitalia! Thanks for the idea! YOU GO GIRLS!!

Shame on you all, you’re pathetic!

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