28 Nov
Facebook Makes Strange Bedfellows

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

I just noticed my female cousin and my ex-husband are now “friends” on Facebook. My ex was verbally/physically/mentally abuse to me as well as verbally/mentally abusive also to my cousin. Do you feel this is appropriate for the two of them to now be friends on Facebook?

Signed,

Dislike!

_______________________________________________________

Dear Dislike,

Do you remember a time before Facebook? Where family drama was communicated through phone lines and in whispered hushes at family gatherings? When you had to work a bit harder to be passive aggressive about your feelings for your siblings choice of spouse? When the Internet was a place for the young and hip and not the aging and hip-replaced?

Yeah, me neither.

The fact of the matter is that I find many things about Facebook to be highly inappropriate. They include but are not limited to the following:

1. Telling me what you’re doing today, whether it’s going to the post office or making pasta for dinner. Yes, life is boring, and we’re all gonna die. We don’t need the reminder.

2. ANYTHING THAT MUST BE ACCENTUATED WITH ALL CAPS. Especially if you’re referencing the murder of your husband.

3. Posting pictures of your cleavage. Or moobs. Let’s at least pretend we’re not whores.

4. Updates that fish for compliments, flattery, sympathy, or advice on how to unclog a toilet. Your insecurities and digestive issues make everyone feel uncomfortable.

5. Images of my underage nieces and nephews chugging vodka and/or straddling members of the opposite sex. Mostly because it’s too much too fast, but also because it makes me feel old and prudish.

6. Public feuds. Please have the courtesy to NOT delete your humiliating arguments with your sister in-law. What’s embarrassing for you is a much-needed mood-lifting perspective for the rest of us.

Really, I could go on, but I worry that I’ll implicate myself at some point. So, back to you. Your situation is, hands down, also inappropriate. You should feel supported by your family, especially if you had the strength and courage to get yourself out of an abusive marriage. I can’t pretend to know why your cousin would make that connection, but I think you should certainly confront her. You don’t need to start a fight (though, if you do, please don’t delete it), but be honest about how this betrayal has made you feel.

In the end, what your cousin has done isn’t a Facebook issue, but a sensitivity issue. We’ve already written off the character of your ex, but your family should know better. (Then again, if your cousin also starts posting images of her cleavage, just cut the strings and call it a day.)

Good luck!

Kristine, TMH

10 Responses to “Facebook Makes Strange Bedfellows”

11.28.11#1

Comment by mtwildflower.

I’m wondering why in the hell your ex isn’t blocked from YOUR Facebook. That way, you’d never know….and ignorance is bliss. My ex is most certainly blocked from mine….as is my husbands ex and all of her weirdo family.

Block ‘em both, the traitors.

Kristine Reply:

I hadn’t even thought about blocking! (You can do that on Facebook? You kids and your computers these days.)

11.28.11#2

Comment by Marinka.

Totally agree that it’s a sensitivity issue. And blocking both of those people seems like a great idea, too.

11.28.11#3

Comment by Plano Mom.

1) He’s your ex, no longer in your life.
2) She’s an adult, still in your life.

I agree with the others – block that man right out of your life and stop worrying about who he is friends with.

And as for cousin, you can make her take sides, but it might not end with her choosing you. How important is her relationship?

11.28.11#4

Comment by SoberJulie.

I agree, block him and get him out of your mind. Sounds like you’re still putting energy into his life…that’s a bloody waste in my mind.

11.28.11#5

Comment by VG.

Agree with the blocking of the Ex, but you need to confront your Cuz. If you two are close, then maybe she’ll get it, if not and she doesn’t get it, then block her ass too.
Cut the fat!
I swear FB is more trouble than not some days.

11.28.11#6

Comment by Jules.

Hmmmm…. Trying to decide who I should have a family fight with so you can be entertained….

Cate8 Reply:

{giggling}

11.29.11#7

Comment by Jen @ And Two More Makes FIVE.

We had this issue with my husband’s ex. She was friends with some of his cousins, several of his friends and some of my friends…maybe 20 people in all at the time we each joined FB. She only knew these people through US and I’m sure it was a tremendous boost to her ego that “our” friends were “hers.” Gross. Who cares? Well, FB did, ’cause it kept suggesting her as a good friend for each of us!!!

First, block the ex! Absolutely! This was the first thing we did after joining FB.

Second, we’ve been in a five year custody suit to retain custody of my three stepkids. Facebook is a HUGE legal liability. Even if you don’t post ex-bashing comments on FB, you don’t want your ex getting word of what you’re up to unless you have a “New Adventures of Old Christine” relationship. You never know what might end up in court.

So, we unfriended a few friends we thought wouldn’t be offended and we messaged all our close friends and said that our attorney advised we not have mutual FB friends eith his ex and that we would need to unfriend anyone who was friends with his ex…that we didn’t want them to necessarily “take sides” but that we would need to protect ourselves and our family. Most everyone replied that they would be unfriending his ex…that they were only friends because she requested and they thought it would be rude to decline, but they would prefer to remain connected to him and not her. A few never responded so we unfriended them.

Maybe your cousin only accepted his friend request because she’s afraid of him…or doesn’t want to offend him…or…or…or…or… And maybe he friended her only as a means to get to you. If you don’t want the full-blown confrontation, tell her it’s your policy not to have mutual FB friends with your ex and you will need to unfriend her since she’s connected to him. You don’t force her to “take sides” but you also give her the information she needs to stand up for you if she’s inclined!

Good luck! Simply put, ex-spouses suck!

02.21.12#8

Comment by This Dance Ain't 4 Everyone, Just the Exey People | The Mouthy Housewives.

[...] I’ve never been divorced, but I seem to think that exes can see each other without falling into either bed or cahoots with each other. So the fact that he’s seeing his ex-wife isn’t necessarily [...]

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