10 Jan
I Love My Boyfriend, But I Cannot Spend Another Second With Him

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

My boyfriend and I live together. During the day, we text, email and talk both at lunch and during the commute home. I love him and our relationship is great (it really is)…but. He starts a new job next week and this means we can now carpool, and it’s already freaking me out. I think I am going to suffocate.

If you’re never apart how do you find stuff to talk about? How do you stay interesting to the other? While I know we won’t be working with each other at the same company, we will be in contact more during the day for business reasons–we even get to have lunch together everyday! (Did I mention that I think I will suffocate?)

Am I wrong? Too independent? The whole thing makes me nervous…

Signed,

Panic Attack

________________________________

Dear Panic Attack,

Well, the first thing I want to do is hand you a paper bag (deep, slow breaths) and reassure you that it’s certainly not odd to be feeling this way. I mean, do YOU think it’s odd? Because, I’m just saying…I don’t…in case you were worried.

(Keep breathing in that paper bag.)

I’m a little confused by your hesitation since you already seem to be in near-constant contact. In fact, the texting during the commute is not only dangerous, but highly unnecessary. Unless, of course, you’re texting to let him know that you just rear-ended the car in front of you, can’t move your legs, and could he call 911, please?

That said, I think that most couples–hell, most people–desire a sufficient amount of alone time–time that doesn’t involve texting, let alone sharing the control of the radio station. The ones that are SO IN LOVE and spend every moment together and love it all so very much? They’re not weird per se, but, speaking scientifically, statistically the chances of them being insane do rise exponentially.

But I also wonder about the length of this commute. Because if you’re squabbling about   a fifteen minute drive, then, well, it’s not like you’re WEIRD or anything (why do you keep bringing that up?), but maybe you’re making a big deal out of nothing. However, if it’s something more substantial, or the commute is simply a part of your day that you use to decompress and relax, then I don’t see why your boyfriend wouldn’t understand your point of view here.

Unless of course you’re simply resistant to change and have OCD tendencies in regard to the texting. In which case, yes, you’re totally being weird.

Advice is complicated.

At the end of it all, I think you should just try it out and see how it goes. If you decide that spending the extra time together during the day will irreparably damage your relationship’s karmic flow, then just tell him to drive his own car. (He has a car, right? Dear god, don’t make him walk to work in the snow.) Or, if you choose to carpool to save money, compromise by nixing the joint lunch date. If that doesn’t work, try instituting a zero-tolerance, no-talking policy in the car.

Whatever you decide, he’ll probably think you’re crazy, but go along with it anyway because he loves you. (Weirdo.)

Godspeed,

Kristine, TMH

10 Responses to “I Love My Boyfriend, But I Cannot Spend Another Second With Him”

01.10.12#1

Comment by Desperate Dietwives.

It seems to me this might be a matter of changing your communication times.

Stop texting and e-mailing him during the day and don’t spend every lunch-break together and I think everything will work out just fine.

01.10.12#2

Comment by Momof4Luds.

Look at it this way – it’s a little bit of practice for when you’re both retired and home together ALL THE TIME.

01.10.12#3

Comment by KRISTI.

If you are like me and my hubby and argue in the car a lot (over the lack of ones’ driving skills…mine..lol) then it can become a problem. I now just ride along as a passenger and it’s all good, be we don’t drive to work together THANK GOB. I would say maybe have lunch together twice a week so you can get your personal “me time” in.

01.10.12#4

Comment by Plano Mom.

Working out your need for alone time is just part of learning to be together. Stop thinking about weird like it’s a bad thing. Try “unique,” and then it becomes a celebration of something different.

01.10.12#5

Comment by CuppaJo.

My husband and I used to commute together, and honestly I really miss it. The time in the car was talk-about-work-time: in the morning, we’d talk about what our schedule and workload was going to be like for the day, in the evening we’d talk about what happened and decompress. That way once we got home, we were already both mentally done with work and could enjoy our evening together. Take advantage of your commute time!

01.10.12#6

Comment by LR.

I would go insane with that much togetherness. Truly insane. But then I’m an introvert and I MUST be alone in order to recharge. If you are an introvert, then you might want to try to explain that to him. But if he is an extrovert, he probably won’t get it because extroverts recharge by being together.

If commuting together is necessary, hopefully you can find some other time to be NOT together. Because regardless of the introvert/extrovert thing, I can’t imagine not being bored with that much closeness to anyone!

Good luck!

01.10.12#7

Comment by danielle.

I’m a weirdo by your standards. Though we didn’t commute together we had lunch together every single day for 7 years. Then, his office moved too far away for us to have lunch. Now, I sit here wondering what the heck I’m supposed to do for an entire hour on my own. Baffling!! We also talk via yahoo messenger while at work. Not always in depth but we keep in touch. However, when we are home we pretty much do our own things. I like to read/watch movies and he likes to play world of warcraft. We have a nice balance.

When you run out of things to say to each other you should start reading the newspaper. It helps! Or get a shared hobby. I play WoW as well and it’s a great conversation piece

Kathy Reply:

Always nice to “meet” another wow couple 🙂

01.10.12#8

Comment by Kathy.

Most people don’t understand how our household functions. I’ve been a SAHM since our daughter was born almost 11 years ago. My husband has been working at home for the last 9 of those years. We love it! We get along great and share a lot of the same hobbies. We do stuff on our own as well so we do have some time apart but not a ton. It was especially nice when the kids were really young as I could catch a shower or a nap without stress since daddy was there to pick up any parenting needs during those times. Its also great because we can all manage dinner together without dealing with the sporadic timing that used to be dad’s commute. This is especially key now with the kids in a bunch of activities. For some people togetherness works. I’d be lost if he went into the office every day!

01.10.12#9

Comment by MommyTime.

It seems like commuting together just makes sense: why take two cars to/from the same workplace every day? Huge waste of time and resources. On the other hand, you CAN change your other scheduled times to be together to ensure some time to yourself. For example, why not schedule a once-per-week lunch date or post-work drink with a friend? And if you’re in the same office, you can skip the texting and phone calls during the work day, since you’ll run into each other at other points — and this might make you feel like you aren’t having to PURPOSEFULLY connect multiple times per day.

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