28 Apr
Why You Should Give a Royal Sh*t About the Wedding of the Century

Here at The Mouthy Housewives, we are nothing if not Royal. But this week we’ve been busy producing our birth certificates and banishing the images of Donald Trump’s hair from our psyches. So we’ve had to turn to our lovely friend Amy of The Bitchin’ Wives Club, who happens to live just across the pond, for her guidance. See, some people don’t seem to care about the Royal Wedding. Which is wrong. So wrong. Here’s why!

I find it hard to believe, but I hear that there are still some people who say they don’t care about Prince William’s marriage to Kate Middleton on Friday. With the media in a full froth, revealing new details and aspects of the royal wedding daily (hourly, actually), it seems to me that, by now, any American who says they aren’t the slightest bit interested in Kate and Wils is either (a) lying, (b) a man, particularly one who hasn’t seen the photo of Kate in lingerie; or (c) cynical beyond repair.

Our culture has so ingrained the Princess story-line into the national psyche via movies, soap operas, and merchandising that I daresay it is almost impossible to find a girl in America who hasn’t secretly dreamed of snaring herself some kind of Royal when she grows up (or at the very least bedding a Brit, for the not-so-ambitious skanks out there). Hell, even a 30-something, twice-divorced, still married woman can cling to the dream, if one is to hold up  Wallis Simpson
as inspiration.

So, basically, what I’m saying is that anyone who honestly doesn’t care about the Royal Wedding and thinks that everyone in America should just get over it and give up on the monarchy and the whole idea of Prince Charming… would be responsible for the downfall of pretty much the entire entertainment industry as we know it.

Especially Disney. And if that happened, what would all the little girls wear for Halloween?! Following that logic, anyone suffering from Royal ambivalence is actually un-American, because what’s more American than Disney and Hollywood? So, that, my friends, is why you should totally care about the Royal Wedding and set your DVRs accordingly.


Amy, Guest TMH


25 Responses to “Why You Should Give a Royal Sh*t About the Wedding of the Century”


Comment by Galey Yang.

Lucky Girl

Kati Reply:

Have you seen her? Lucky Wills 😉


Comment by Snow Wife.

I live in England now and I tell you the wedding is the ONLY news out in England. I only hear about birth certificates and other Dbags like Trump from friends on FB.
I will catch up with American News sometime soon but back to the wedding…

I love this mug below and sums up how I feel and I think everyone should have one.
sorrybut dot co dot uk

Minka Reply:

LOVE that mug! F*cking awesome!


Comment by Royally Unscrewed.

As a person who is neither (a) nor (b), and while possibly being (c) – difficult to believe because of an uncontrollable love of Disney movies – I am quite tired of hearing about the royal wedding.

I wish Kate and William all the happiness in the world. I also wish them a good stiff drink when they’re nearly overcome by all the pomp and rules. My one question is this….how can a marriage ceremony be special when every millisecond of it (right down to their kiss on the balcony?!?!) is planned, rehearsed, and rehashed? Nothing wrong with two lovebirds tying the knot, royalty or otherwise, but is all this fuss really needed? Our attention could be focused on so many other things. Important matters. Relevant issues.

Issues like why in heck my Housewives of New Jersey Team Caroline t-shirt has not arrived yet!


Comment by hokgardner.

I can’t help myself, but I’m loving all the royal wedding stuff. I got up to watch Diana and Charles get married, and despite being a 40yo mother of 4 who is desperate for sleep, I’ll likely get up to watch this wedding, too. And I’ll drink coffee out of my Charles and Diana commemorative mug that I still have from all those years ago.

And Bitchin’ Amy? I’ll pay you handsomely to send me a commemorative mug with Kate and Wills on it. I need a matching set.

Marinka, TMH Reply:

What about a Charles and Camilla tea cup?! Or tampon container?

hokgardner Reply:

Ewww. Marinka. Just ewwww.

Bitchin' Amy Reply:

Don’t listen to Marinka! I’m going to go buy all sorts of memorabilia as soon as the wedding ends… on sale.


Comment by Ann's Rants.

I just saw a picture of Kate’s mom dressed to match her. I’m hoping she’ll do the same at the wedding!!

I’m picturing a huge feather head ala Sarah Jessica Parker SIC movie.


Comment by Cool Dad.

You make an impassioned case. I guess I was (b) before I saw that picture of who I assume is Kate. (I’ve seen pictures of her before, just not lingeried ones.)

I will follow from a distance, just so I can make small talk during upcoming social gatherings.


Comment by Lynn MacDonald (All Fooked Up).

I didn’t even know when the damn thing was until yesterday and now i’m going to miss it because i have a six hour drive.


Marinka, TMH Reply:

The good news is that there will probably be someone with a video camera recording it.


Comment by Wendi.

Bloody hell, Amy, that was brilliant.


Comment by JubanMama.

I bedded a Brit once, and he was far, far, far from royalty.

It was overrated.

Bitchin' Amy Reply:

I think me and whole bunch of other ladies can join you in that assertion. 😉


Comment by Minka.

While I typically tend to agree with you, I’m not sure about this one. The Diana thing seemed magical, in part because she had something magical about her. But after the disappointing nightmare her marriage became, and the issues she struggled with after the royal divorce, I think the fairytale was kind of crushed.

And frankly, though the princess thing is de rigueur for most girls, I also find it pretty screwed up and damaging. Not something you really think about as a little girl who just wants to look pretty and meet a hot, rich guy with a palace… But as an adult, reading all those books to my daughter where a women essentially waits around for the right guy to save her? Seriously? That the right gown and glass slippers will solve your problems and take you away from your horrible life? Are we kidding? That you’re doomed to eternal sleep unless the right guy kisses you? I’m no raging feminist, people. But come on.

What about empowerment? I was beyond THRILLED when my daughter lost interest in princess stuff because she discovered comic books and superheroes. If you look at that genre, the women are serious ass-kickers and fight equally beside men. Sure, they have tiny waists and crazy big boobs, but they are also smart, funny, edgy, physically strong… (and lets face it, the men are drawn with absurd proportions as well), thus also showcasing that people can be physically attractive, but also intelligent, strong, loyal and capable. It’s not a man vs woman thing in the superhero and comics world. In the fairy tales, the woman is usually the victim, suffering alone… until she is “rescued.”

Also? I think the whole royal wedding is more interesting as pure spectacle, from a sort of “Seriously?? This is happening?” perspective. I think having a ridiculously lavish wedding can be very very cool. And I wish the couple well. But at the same time, I feel for this girl who is under a magnifying glass, and will continue to be. And… I think back to Diana, and that’s the part that breaks my heart. A little privacy and lower expectations, not to mention eloping to a fabulous private island, might’ve been a better beginning to their life as a couple. Just one commoner’s opinion…

Bitchin' Amy Reply:

I replied to your comment but I accidentally posted it as a regular comment. You can go read it at the site, if you’d like. Thanks for your long, thoughtful comment!


Comment by Bitchin' Amy.

I didn’t get to go into it because this was supposed to be a short piece, but actually Kate is fabulous because she is the first woman to wed into the royal family with a COLLEGE DEGREE (in Art History). She is also the oldest woman to wed a man in direct line to the throne. Anyway, I think this one is magical because it really is a case of a “regular” woman who just happened to meet a prince in college and is now on the verge of becoming a real life princess.

Not to go on too long (but you did it first!), I agree with you about the whole princess thing and Disney. I can crow all I want about it, though, because I have three sons and don’t have to confront it so often on a personal level.


Comment by Sara.

I agree with Minka…and Amy, you might not have to deal with it now, but one day one of your boys might bring home a girl who grew up under the Disney Princess propaganda and buys into it. Then…look out! Ha, ha 😉

Bitchin' Amy Reply:

That’s okay with me because she’ll understand that if my son is her prince, that makes me the Queen! 😉


Comment by Alexandra.

Rant and rave! and how can we celebrate when these are the kooks who we had to stage a revolution against!

For which many gave their lives, may I remind you.

And, we can so quickly forget??

And, now, we’re all cozy friends because of a not so fancy dress? And hair that needed to really be styled and not merely hot rollered?

(I kid, I kid, the empress is not anti british)

Just trying to say something different.


Comment by Cheryl.

After reading through the tweets, I may watch this in reruns to see the hats. I forgot all about the damn hats. Now, that’s exciting stuff.

The Culture Mom Reply:

My British hubby and the fam were in Disney World during the Royal Wedding. His only comment after watching the Royal Wedding was about how unnecessary it is to have fake princesses when there are real ones out there in the world.


Comment by Love or Fraud: The Mouthy Housewives Settle the Kardashian Wedding Debate | The Mouthy Housewives.

[…] Everyone loves a wedding. Us Mouthy Housewives are still talking about Luke and Laura’s wedding and we were toddlers at the time! Okay, maybe tweens. Or a bit older. Whatever. The point is – we adore a wedding! […]

Consider Checking Out...