Dear Mouthy Housewives,
When the 2012 election is finally over, is it acceptable to go destroy my neighbor’s yard signs? They’re for a candidate I voted against and I’ve looked at them (the signs, sometimes the neighbors) with hatred for six total months. Please say it’s okay to go get medieval on them signs.
Atilla the Hun
This certainly has been a particularly divisive election, what with the political climate charged with things like uteri, employment, war, and Big Bird. In fact, a friend was just lamenting that half of her family unfriended her on Facebook because of her political status updates. But good riddance, right? (Unless it was wealthy Uncle Bob, in which case it’s time to repent.)
With your neighbors, however, it can be even trickier ground to navigate since they’re, like, real-life people and not just fake Internet ones. For this reason, I would caution you against destroying their signs with a midnight shock-and-awe campaign. Unless, of course, you have a really awesome plan that would frame that crotchety couple across the block that no one likes anyway, because it’d basically be a victimless crime. Mostly.
Plus, you should seize this opportunity to teach your children a lesson about tolerance. Or maybe just maturity. Do your best to get yourself and all your like-minded friends out to the polls next time, and take comfort in the sense of gratification you get from rocking the vote and working hard to get your political ideals into positions of power! Success is the best revenge, right?
Oh, who am I kidding. Kick those damn signs in, blame it on the dog, and then bake them a cake laced with Visine.
It’s the American Way.