18 May
Missing The Grand Ole Oprah

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

I am so sad that Oprah is ending her show! I feel like it’s an end of an era and I’m in mourning. Is that normal and do you have any tips to help me get through this?

Signed,

I Want The Big O

_________________________

Dear I Want The Big O,

Before I answer your question, I have a confession to make: I really don’t like Oprah. In fact, I find her to be boastful, overbearing and pomp…wait a sec. Is someone breaking into my house?……………..was that glass shattering? adn ll;kae,……

888888888888888

HELP ME!!!!! GAYLE KING IS HITTING ME WITH A PIPE AND >>>>>>>el;aifeak

XO-93———————STOP CHOKING ME NATE BERKUS! STOP!!!!! 9)FJ(DDF(E/M<CC<       EAT SH*T AND DIE, SUZY ORMAN! NO, I DIDN’T MEAN THAT! !:PUT DOWN THE RIFLE!!!!! I’M SORRY!!!!!!! I’LL READ “THE SECRET”!!! I PROMISE!!! K ;K;;;;;;;VVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>HOLY SHIT, WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT SYRINGE, DR. OZ!?!?!?

___((FE++FE=(whimper)……………………………

As I was saying, I am a huge, HUGE fan of Oprah and like the rest of the world, I’ll certainly spiral into a pit of depression when her absolute genius and common-folk touch are no longer around to make my pathetic life worth living. So “yes,” I’d say it’s completely normal for you to feel sad about her departure. It’s pretty much a death in the family, only the dead person now owns a basic cable network that airs Dr. Phil shows from 2003. I’m tearing up just thinking of it. (But that also might be from whatever it was that Dr. Oz just injected into my neck.)

As far as tips to get you through this, the first thing you should do is watch this. The second thing you should do is, well, get a grip. Because here’s my crazy theory: I predict that after a few years out of the spotlight, Oprah’s going to triumphantly return to us. Fat Oprah or Thin Oprah, I don’t yet know, but just like The Terminator, fire ants and the human papillomavirus, there’s no way to keep her away for good.

In the meantime, I advise you to cover your television in a black shroud for a period of seven days. Then, after you’ve gone through the Five Stages of Grief, lift off the shroud and put on a nice, entertaining movie to take your mind off Oprah. A comedy, a love story, or maybe even something starring everyone’s favorite movie star, John Tra–VOLTA!

Yours In Sympathy,

Wendi, TMH

11 Responses to “Missing The Grand Ole Oprah”

05.18.11#1

Comment by bleu.

ha ha! too funny. So glad I found this blog.

05.18.11#2

Comment by MarathonMom.

You need to get a job. The worst job you could ever imagine. It may involve uprooting your family, even if hubs makes 564K a year, like mine. Think lower than dirty jobs – like meat packing. Once you are settled and come come every day smelling like innards, start repeating all those great O-isms. Like mantras on a bad LSD trip.

Soon you will miss her no longer!!!

05.18.11#3

Comment by bitsy.

Thank you, Wendi!! As if I needed another reason to like you.

05.18.11#4

Comment by hokgardner.

Haven’t watched Oprah in years, and I think she’s pompous and overbearing. Her devoted followers scare me a bit – it’s like a cult where instead of giving up all material possessions, they buy whatever luxury item Queen O has decided she just can’t live without.

I’m not going to miss her or the angst of what everyone is going to do when she’s no longer on TV.

05.18.11#5

Comment by Plano Mom.

Isn’t she that woman in The Color Purple? I loved her in that.

05.18.11#6

Comment by GrandeMocha.

I love Oprah! I only watch every once in a while. She came from nothing and made it on her own.

05.18.11#7

Comment by Kelcey.

I’m still trying to get over your clever title.

05.19.11#8

Comment by From Belgium.

who is Oprah…

05.20.11#9

Comment by New York Mom|The Mama Bird Diaries - humor parenting.

[…] I don’t care that “Oprah” is ending. Please don’t tell […]

05.21.11#10

Comment by Mom Again.

I remember the rebirth of the Talk Shows in the mid 1980’s. Phil, Sally Jessy, innumerable minor celebrities and then: Oprah.

Never watched any of them. Never seen any Oprah show beyond a few clips on other shows here and there.

You’ll get over it.

05.25.11#11

Comment by kokopuff.

There’s massive flooding going on in the Midwest today. I’m sure it’s the tears of Oprah followers.

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