11 Jun
Celebrity Deaths. So Sad. (Yawn.)

Welcome to Guest Mouthy Housewife Friday! Today’s Guest is the lovely Le Shallow Gal.  Don’t let the French fool you, she’s very approachable.   Even though she uses footnotes.  She also holds the honor of being one of the few bloggers in the world who’s been over to my house.  Which means that she observed my housewifery in action. Thanks, SG, for taking one for the team and doing the housewifely duty this Friday! – Marinka, TMH

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

Why are people so heartbroken when a geriatric celebrity dies? And am I dead inside because I don’t care about Dennis Hopper, Gary Coleman, and Golden Girl Rue? And what do I tell friends who seem to sit shiva for every Hollywood geezer that keels over?

Signed,

Celebrity Death Match

__________________________________

Dear Celebrity Death Match,

Dennis Hopper, Gary Coleman and Rue McClanahan all died within a week of each other?   Wow, bad things really do happen in two and a half (1).   But honey, if you’re looking for an impartial evaluation of your empathetic appropriateness, you’ve come to the wrong place.

Now the first part of your question is really more of a psych 101 final, so here’s my blue book in a nutshell.  Celebrity deaths are sad because: people become aware of their mortality / Celebrities are raised to a deity-like status and thought to be immortal / People feel like they know famous people and thus feel like they lost a friend.

But I’m not making the big bucks (2) for helping community college students cheat on an exam, but rather for giving advice, so here it is:

There are different levels of celebrity mourning.   Making a Michael Jackson playlist for a party? Acceptable.   Buying and bronzing everything Billy Mays ever hawked? Not acceptable.   I’m assuming your friends falls somewhere in the middle. (3)

Therefore, just smile, agree how sad it is and change the subject to whether Jill and Bethenny are going to be able to salvage their friendship.   If the subject returns to the dearly departed, a simple “I’m so sorry for your loss” should make them realize how silly they sound, while sounding sincere enough to avoid being called a heartless bitch.

But if they’re serving lox from Zabars at these little shiva gatherings, let me know. For the right Kosher spread, I may be able to work up a little angst.

Sincerely,

Amy, Guest TMH

1) How creepy is it that Gary Coleman’s casket already had his name on it?

I could do this all day.

2) Any previous guest poster who did not receive their check and gift basket needs to let Marinka know ASAP.

3) If they’re on the Billy Mays side of the spectrum, I’m afraid you need new friends.


16 Responses to “Celebrity Deaths. So Sad. (Yawn.)”

06.11.10#1

Comment by Desperate Dietwives.

Please Marinka, send me the check and gift basket asap!!! 😀

06.11.10#2

Comment by dusty earth mother.

Shallow or with great depth, you are very funny. Love the footnoting thing, because for some unknown, brown-nosing-in-high-school-probably reason, footnotes make me happy.

“I’m so sorry for your loss”. Brilliant. Just edgy enough to take them down, but not “Shut.up.already.about.Rue.”

06.11.10#3

Comment by writingmama04.

You have just puzzled through one of the great mysteries of our culture. Thank you – and it took me a moment to get the casket reference. Guffaw. Need another cup of coffee and link to more of your writing. Love it!

06.11.10#4

Comment by GrandeMocha.

LOVE “Gary Coleman’s casket already had his name on it”!!!

06.11.10#5

Comment by jennelsonlane.

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

I have to admit that I had bitchin’ PMS the week Sonny Bono died (lo those many years ago) and I cried for 2 days. I think I just really needed something to cry about because, honestly? Couldn’t really give a crap about ol’ Sonny. But I did skip biology class to watch Cher do his eulogy.

Marinka Reply:

Sonny Bono is DEAD?!

ShallowGal Reply:

I’m so sorry for your loss

06.11.10#6

Comment by so-so-steph.

Gary Coleman was so misunderstood. And short. I don’t think they even needed to fold him to put him in there.

*sniff.

06.11.10#7

Comment by Plano Mom.

I did cry when Stevie Ray Vaughn died. And yes, I did “This Is It” on PPV.

Plano Mom Reply:

And the Coleman Casket is priceless.

06.11.10#8

Comment by marathonmom.

I have bigger problems than celebrity deaths but the casket comment – rotflmao.

I also think SG should copywright footnotes and italics – love that!

06.11.10#9

Comment by Cheryl.

The whole Sonny Bono exchange still has me cracking up. All of that on top of the Coleman casket has been way too much.

Rue who?

06.11.10#10

Comment by Ann.

OMG The casket.

06.12.10#11

Comment by getrealmommy.

Whatchya talkin about? Gary Colman wasn’t that old…

06.16.10#12

Comment by Kelley @ Magnetoboldtoo.

And I believe they dug his grave with the Shovel from Blues Clues

06.27.10#13

Comment by David.

OK, for the Coleman cooler joke alone, I will always adore you.

Consider Checking Out...