Dear Mouthy Housewives,
My sister-in-law is a big show-off. She hadn’t seen all of the good things in life before she got married, but now, whenever she gets a chance, she shows off a lot. This irritates me to no end. Please tell me how I should deal with her.
This is Not Show and Tell
Dear This is Not Show and Tell,
Listen, no one likes a show-off. My first run-in with this type can be traced back to Kindergarten when a girl brought in her mother’s Chanel lipstick while the rest of us brought in lollipops. (Okay, fine, I brought a head of lettuce. I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.)
That said, I’m a bit unsure by what you mean when you say that she’s showing off her new-found “good things.” Since it seems to be related to her recent marriage, according to you, I think I can probably narrow it down. Just pick whichever piece of advice fits your situation best. It’s like this Devo flowchart.
Let’s say your SIL is bragging because she married into money: Congrats to her! Hopefully she’s in love, too! Those who are ostentatious about their wealth can be very irritating, especially when so many people are having a hard time making their monthly bills. You could always gently remind her by carrying around poster boards of children starving in Africa. Another option may be to simply change the topic when one of her bragging rants begins.
Or, maybe she’s bragging about great sex: Well, that’s certainly awkward. But maybe she just needs a good sister-to-sister chat about the ins and outs of her new family, and what better person to do that with than you? You could also fill her in on other family secrets such as which aunt starts talking about her old high school flame when she’s had too much to drink.
NO, WAIT, I GOT IT: It actually doesn’t matter what your SIL is bragging about, because it has nothing to do with you, your value as a person, or your ability to be happy. In other words, her bragging says something about how she values herself and how she craves attention from others. If that is making you angry, maybe YOU are jealous of her new found “good stuff.” Or, perhaps you are feeling protective of your brother? Either way, this may, in turn, mean you have some soul-searching of your own to do. Maybe start with some daily affirmation ala Stuart Smalley.
Because doggone it, people like you!
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I’m getting married! YAY!! And I’m actually excited about it. Double yay!! I have found my match in every way and I never thought I could ever be so lucky. I honestly didn’t see this happening for me. So. Happy.
The problem is this is not my first marriage. My first one started begrudgingly on my part and ended in drug addiction on his part. It was a horrible mess that I didn’t want to do in the first place. My fault. But we did have a nice, beautiful wedding with all the glitz, spectacle, and of course, gifts.
So now I feel conflicted. I don’t feel like I deserve another big party. True, this is 10 years after the first one and my social crowd is completely different, but I know that I’ve already had one wedding extravaganza. I feel guilty about having another. This is my fiancÃ©’s first wedding but he wants the equivalent of a back yard barbecue for the reception. I feel that since I already had my party, he should get what he wants.
Am I wrong to feel disappointed?
Finally Excited to Get Married
Dear Getting Married,
I mean, Yay! Wedding! Congratulations on your engagement!
There’s no rule (that I endorse) that says that you get only one big wedding per lifetime. So if you want a big shinding, release the doves!
Oh, except your fiancÃ© wants something more low key.
I see the problem.
We’ve all heard that it’s not the wedding but the marriage that’s important, but from where I’m sitting (in my chair) there’s no reason to plan a wedding that makes either of you unhappy.
(By the way, it is possible that in the whole history of man-woman weddings the only man who wanted a big wedding was the former Mr. Liza Minnelli. Most of the other men learned to compromise.)
And you and your honey can too. Talk to him. When you say that you want a wedding extravaganza, what do you mean? Do you want the locals to start craning for Joan Collins because they’re sure that Dynasty is filming a reunion show? Or would you be satisfied with embossed invitations with a side of calligraphy? Wear a fancy white dress? Sip Dom Perignon? Have a wedding registry?
Prioritize which of these (or others) are must have and which you are flexible on. And then discuss it with your fiancÃ©.
He may want an intimate affair but not object to a gift registry. Or he may just really like barbecue. (Lord knows I do.) The point is, have a back and forth with him. A give and take. Getting into the practice of compromising may be the best wedding gift the two of you give yourselves.
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I know this is the dumbest question ever but do you really think the Kim Kardashian wedding was a sham? My friend and I are arguing about this. I really think Kim was in love with him but then sort of freaked out after the wedding. My friend thinks it was a total publicity stunt.
What do you think?
I Can’t Believe I’m Still Thinking About That Dumb Wedding
Dear Kardashian Obsessed,
My initial reaction is that the wedding was a fraud – mostly because it’s hard to believe that anyone would wear such an ugly ass head piece to their real wedding.
But if you discount the jewelry, it becomes a little more complicated. We all know that Kim Kardashian wants to stay in the spotlight. She could have had a baby like her sister Kourtney but then you know, she would have had to take care of it and stuff. Major drag. So that’s out. But how about a wedding like sister Khloe!
Everyone loves a wedding. We Mouthy Housewives are still talking about Luke and Laura’s wedding and we were toddlers at the time! Okay, maybe tweens. Or a bit older. Whatever. The point is – we adore a wedding!
I’m guessing that Kim really did like or maybe even loved this Kris fellow. Mostly because he was a sports star and his name began with K. But still, she dug him. And her mom was like, “Listen, Kimmy. That Paris Hilton is always nipping at your heels. Marry this guy. Fast. Yeah, he’s sort of a dufus but if it doesn’t work out, dump him, wait for Khloe to get divorced and then you two can start filming ‘The Divorcees Take Denver!”
So Kim went ahead with the wedding because they all knew it would be a ratings bonanza. And also, she has admitted publicly (does she do anything privately?) that she really wanted to get married. At least for 72 days. Which I’m guessing was the moment she found that”getting married” means you have to actually stop dating other people and live with your spouse. Buzz kill in Kardashian kountry. Did you see how I just spelled “country” with a “K!” Loving that.
So in conclusion… she did love him. At least a little bit. Maybe. And knew this wedding was a win win for her K brand. So with that settled, join us next week when we determine whether it’s better to be a future King of England with thinning hair or just a lowly Prince with a full head of red hair.
We’ve got another guest Mouthy Housewife joining us today! This time, The Mouthy Housewives welcome the lovely Megan Anderson of Rad Megan: In Words and Pictures. Megan is a craft blogger and all-around rockstar, and I love her despite the fact that she makes my family craft hour look like bathroom graffiti at the state penitentiary. (THANKS MEGAN.) Her blog hosts a pirate’s bounty worth of crafting, cooking, and gardening ideas.
And just recently, Megan created an online tutorial that guides you through the art of craft photography, so it looks like there might be hope for the rest of us!
Today, she’s got some insight for a bride-to-be that is competing for the attention of her soon-to-be groom with her in-laws. Take it away, Megan! –Kristine
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
My fiancÃ© and I wanted a private wedding ceremony this fall, but his parents found out and were extremely upset. They tried guilting him into involving at least their family, completely disregarding our wishes for a wedding we are paying for. Thankfully he has somewhat fended for us, but he did so by lying to them, telling his family that we are not getting married until next summer with a “traditional” wedding. (But the truth is that we’re just going to go through with it without telling anyone.)
Cue more problems. Our secret wedding is next month and everything was looking well until his vacation time had the possibility of being obliterated. He told his supervisor that he really needs the time off, but refuses to tell them that it’s due to us getting married because…wait for it…his dad works at the same company! I get that he wants to not upset his family until after we’ve already gone through with it, but I find it pretty ridiculous that he feels he can’t fight for his vacation. He seems more concerned about their feelings than the possibility all our wedding plans may get royally screwed.
He tells me I’m overreacting, but I don’t know. We are starting a family, and yet it feels it is being somewhat controlled by his family. What do you think?
Dear Sidelined Bride,
Congrats on your upcoming nuptials! As someone who eloped in Hawaii, I understand the allure of a low-cost/low-stress “private” wedding ceremony. I also appreciate how challenging it can be when the family gets wind of the plans and then tries to change them. From their point of view, a wedding is a day to be shared with loved ones. From yours, it’s an intimate, private occasion. Your fiancÃ©’s point of view is…well…what, exactly? I’m sure you two are both stoked about starting your lives together, but if he’s waffling about taking time off to get married, we’ve got a wee issue.
Would the Princess Bride have been the romantic cinematic benchmark it was if Westley had said, “As long as it’s ok with my parents” instead of “As you wish?”
I’m not saying your fiancÃ© needs to prove his love by bowing to your every request, but I think you two need to be on the same page when it comes to the kind of wedding you are actually having. I’m guessing that if he lied to his family and said there would be a traditional wedding next summer, a teeny weenie part of him WANTS that. While it is your day, “mawwage” is full of compromise; so understanding what’s really important to the both of you should be laid out on the table before the rings are exchanged. Maybe you guys sneak off and have your quickie ceremony (if that’s what you’re both into) and then plan a family-friendly reception next summer complete with vow-reenactment and Andre the Giant ablaze outside the church. It may feel like the in-laws are pulling the strings, but if you and Westley (or, whatever your fiancÃ©’s name is) are united as a team, everything else will fall into place.
Talk it out, really listen to each other, and have fun storming the castle!
Megan, Guest TMH
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I recently went to a friend’s wedding, and it was amazing! There were so many available men and not so many available women. I love dancing, and had a blast dancing with guy friends and wound up dancing with Mr. Right (or Mr. Right for Now). I know his family a little and get along great with his mom. I was blown away by the sparks that ignited on the dance floor, as they don’t ignite very often. We danced twice. He was very sad to see me go. I couldn’t get him off my mind, daydreaming about running into him. Then this morning I, a 29 year old single mother of an older toddler, found out that he’s 21……..WTF??!! What do I do??
Dear Mrs. Robinson,
I’m no Stephen Hawking, so forgive me for any mathematical errors, but you seem to be eight years older than this man. And it’s not like you’re 21 and he’s 13. (Look at me all mathy!) You are both consenting adults, free to pursue whatever happiness consenting adults can pursue together. Spoiler alert– it doesn’t involve watching The Real Housewives of New York together. Trust me, I tried.
Eight years happens to be the exact age difference between me and my husband and you should hear him roll his eyes when I imply that I was his child bride. In my defense, I was a very young 29. So to me, the age difference is not significant.
You mention that you get along well with his mom, so perhaps you’re worried about how she will react if you hook up with her son. Or maybe you’re uncomfortable because you are a mom yourself and this man is child-free. These are all valid concerns, but not ones that should stand in the way of pursuing a relationship. At this point, we don’t know if the two of you have a spark off the dance floor, common interests and things to talk about, however, so take it one step at a time.
Call him. And know that in the grand scheme of things, eight years is nothing.
Or, lie about your age.