These Kids are Taking Over My Home
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
Every year when the weather turns nice, the neighborhood “hoodlums” start to wander the streets and inevitably show up at our house to hang out with our kids, ages 9, 5, and 2. When these kids are over, they are rude, disrespectful of people, pets, and property, and either ask for snacks or bring a bunch of junk food to spoil my kids’ dinners. In addition, when these kids are around, my kids think it is okay to be mouthy and rude and throw my household rules out the window.
I suspect that most of the kids that come over are living in poverty and do not have a positive home environment. I feel badly for them; however, I feel that I need to put the safety and up-bringing of my own kids first. My oldest child has Aspergers Disorder and is VERY impulsive. My middle child is adventurous and will try anything. For the safety of all three of them, they are not allowed to leave our property, and I have told them on numerous occasions that if they want to have a friend over, they need to arrange it with me (so I can arrange it with the other mom) in advance.
I feel guilty about telling these neighborhood kids to get lost and am torn between playing a “good Samaritan” and the neighborhood bitch. I don’t know any of the other parents well, and do not feel comfortable approaching them. I have seen some of these kids wandering the streets since they were preschoolers, and I am quite certain we have different standards when it comes to parenting.
I want my kids to be able to play outside without having to worry constantly about the neighborhood kids teaching bad habits and breaking our stuff.
Is there any nice way of telling these kids they need to play by my rules or get off my property?
Mi Casa is not Tu Casa
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Dear Mi Casa,
You know what really bugs me? Well, yes, the new sweater vest craze inspired by one political candidate. I mean, believe whatever you want politically but I think we can all agree that the sweater vest is not good for America.
You know what also bothers me? This new trend where everyone is wearing these crazy bright colored pants. Yes, they look cute. Yes, I will eventually buy a pair for way too much money. And then you know what will happen? Out. Of. Fashion. Immediately. And please tell me what I am going to do with a pair of electric blue skinny jeans then?!
But the thing that really agitates me is when The Mouthy Housewives are needed. I mean, this is our calling! You have problems, we fix them. That was actually our motto but that thing about neglecting our kids to give you advice since 2009 seemed way funnier.
But you, my dear, don’t need us. You see, the answer to your question is right there in your letter. You ask, “Is there any nice way of telling these kids they need to play by my rules or get off my property?”
Yes! Yes, there is. You tell these kids that they need to play by your rules or they can’t come over for play dates. In fact, put these rules on a big piece of poster board. Here are some ideas…. Please and thank you must be said at all times. No food can be brought into the house. One healthy snack will be provided. Anyone who gets to rowdy will be asked to leave. That sort of thing. Whatever is important to you.
I appreciate that you want to help these children who you suspect are neglected. But letting them destroy your family and house is not helping them. Set boundaries. Stick to them. This is your home and your children. And you’re not being a bitch when you insist on protecting them. You are being a good mother.
Good luck,
Kelcey, TMH
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Let’s Play House! You Be the Dumbass Husband!
As you all know, things here at Mouthy Housewives Headquarters usually run like a well-oiled machine. However, occasionally we’ll have what the Germans call a “Snafu.” (Or maybe it’s the Portuguese who say that, we were never big on languages.) Anyway, one of those snafus just happened in which we answered a question twice. Twice! But, where there’s confusion, there’s opportunity or something like that. So read Wendi’s answer here today, then click on over to BlogHerMoms and see how Tonya answered it. (Just don’t tell us which one you like better or we’ll have to set up the boxing ring again.)
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
My children have a friend that we see quite regularly and I’ve noticed that on EVERY occasion their pretend play revolves around playing house type games. This would normally be fine, but the “couple,” whether it be a princess and a race car dating or a regular family with baby dolls, seem to be rather whiny and fussy towards one another. I feel that I might be hearing private conversations from this child’s house.
Am I being overly concerned about this area of imaginary play with the kids (ages 4-7) or should I just leave them alone? I feel that the neighbor child is rather young to be so wrapped up in boy/girl relationships. Or is that normal?
Signed,
Worried That Playing House is Becoming a Reality Show
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Dear Worried That Playing House is Becoming a Reality Show,
First of all, let me warn you against Googling “girl wrapped up in boy/girl” like I just did. Holy mother of pearl, how do sex models even breathe with all of those leather restraints blocking their airways? They’re like porno Houdinis or something. I think I need to rest a moment here.
OK, I’m back. Now, let me just say upfront that I have two boys and they never really played “House.” Which is good because if they had, I’m sure our neighbors would have been treated to a lot of, “Why do you always park the car like you’re drunk, wife?” and “Maybe if you ever unloaded the dishwasher, I’d be a better driver, husband.” Because we all know it’s normal for kids to mimic what they hear at home and I’m pretty sure that’s what you’re hearing from this child.
Now, should you be concerned about it? Yes, if the little girl is saying things like, “I’ll sue your ass for alimony so fast your head will spin, jackass” to your kids or hitting them, but probably not if it’s more mundane domestic crap. Maybe she does have some disharmony at home and this is simply her way of working through it. If you know either of her parents very well, you can maybe say something benign to them like, “She sure loves to play house and fight with her pretend husband!” and see if that sets off any alarm bells. Sure it’s a little passive aggressive, but that way you’re not obviously sticking your nose in their business.
If it were me, I’d just let them continue playing what they want to play if everyone’s happy. Because chances are they’ll eventually get bored with playing “House” and move on to something new.
Like “Shacking Up.”
Good luck,
Wendi, TMH
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Lonely Mom Seeks Friends
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I quit my job to be a SAHM last year when my daughter was born. She’s 16-months-old now and I’m still having a hard time meeting other moms and making friends. I’m a introvert and it’s hard for me to make the first move. I’m very shy until I get to know someone.
We moved to our neighborhood 3 years ago and I met two other moms who seemed really nice at first and then they started snubbing me once we put up a fence. I befriended them on Facebook and invited them over but they never invite me. I gave them my number and they never gave me theirs. I still see them getting together outside with their kids and it pains me because I’m so lonely. What the hell did I do to these people to make them hate me?
My husband works full time and takes night classes. He has to study on the weekends so I’m starting to go nutty. I joined a playgroup but all the moms that actually go to the functions are already friends with each other and they seem snooty if you’re not in their circle. I’m thinking about going back to work just to have a social life but I recently found out I’m pregnant again. No one will hire a pregnant woman. Any advice on what I should do?
Signed,
Shy Shannon
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Dear Shy Shannon,
Being a mom of young children can be one of the loneliest feelings in the word. Because young kids are super adorable but when you turn to a 16-month-old and say, “Damn, I have a headache from that extra glass of Chardonnay last night. I’m worried that Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore might be splitting up. And also, I’ve been meaning to ask – are you supposed to still be sucking on that pacifier?” – the toddler rarely answers.
Mothers need wing women. Someone to assure you that it is perfectly normal to bring your kid to the playground and forget his shoes. And your own shoes.
I don’t know what’s going on with those gals next door. It sounds like you have reached out as much as you can and for whatever reason they are not reciprocating. You’ve spent too much energy on those ladies. It’s time to take action elsewhere.
First of all, I would sign your kid up for a couple music or gym classes. Your 16-month-old will love it and it’s a great way to connect with other moms. Next, start your own playgroup. You think you’re the only desperate, lonely mom out there? You aren’t. You just have to find them. Put notices up on community bulletin boards and Craigslist. Just write, “Local mom starting a playgroup for kids 1 to 2 years old. Email me at Shannon@I’mAwesomeAndCool.com if you’re interested.” I’m just guessing that’s your email address.
Once you have a group of moms, just plan a playgroup every week at someone’s house. I promise this works because that is actually how I made all my mom friends when I first had a baby. I’m still friends with these women seven years later.
I would also make sure you connect with other moms online so you don’t feel so alone while you develop IRL friendships. And finally, I would make sure to watch “Gossip Girl” every week because I consider Serena and Blair to be some of my closest friends.
Good luck and keep us posted!
Signed,
Kelcey, TMH
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The Hostess With The Mostest Is M.I.A.
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
My daughter is 7 and has a few friends at school that she likes to play with after school or on weekends. All of the parents have no problem with my daughter coming over to play and they only have good things to say about her. The problem is that I don’t really like to host kids over at my house. There are a few reasons for this:
First, I have four rambunctious dogs and two cats. The dogs get too excited while the cats aren’t nice (nor do they always use their litter box, much to my dismay.)
Second, I am not an overly tidy person. My house is clean enough for me and my family, but it could use some work for “strangers.”
And finally, I’m just not the hostess type and I’m okay with this fact. I don’t intend to change.
My problem is that one parent keeps pushing for a play date at my house. She has stopped inviting my daughter over and, instead, keeps mentioning the kids playing over here. I need to know how to get her off my back about it while not divulging my issues. I don’t want to offend her because I do like the mom and I don’t want to cause any problems with the children. I even thought about coming up with some phobia, but not sure what would fit.
Signed,
Martha Stewart Doesn’t Live Here
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Dear Martha Stewart Doesn’t Live Here,
In the very pressurized and etiquette laden world of Mommy and Me meetings and scheduled progeny play dates it is, in fact [just looking up the bylaws here, one minute. OK. Got it.] against the law to not reciprocate when it comes to hosting, penalty can be equal to: The Silent Treatment, The Rumor Mill, or Public Shunning. Even Hannibal the Cannibal knew all about quid pro quo. So, perhaps we should discuss a different strategy?
First, let’s address the pets. While I understand it has to be very difficult to have people over when it seems like your home is already a 24-hour animal party, it’s important to be able to put the animals away, perhaps in another room(s). Because unless your animals are descendants of Cerberus (I once had a dog who was) and are all on a career path to guarding the gates of hell, you should sequester them every once in a great while, for a few hours, so that you can reciprocate a play date.
Second, as to your cleanliness standards, a wise…no, wait…a waif-like girl once said: “I’m horrible to live with. I don’t clean. My clothes end up wherever I take them off. I forget to flush the toilet.” And she was in Transformers 1 and 2 and on the Maxim Hot List! While we can’t all be Megan Fox, it does show you that success isn’t predicated upon cleanliness. A lot of other mothers have similar anxieties about how clean their houses should be. But in reality, most parents don’t really care if their kid has a friend whose house isn’t perfect or tidy or uncluttered. As long as Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller aren’t permanent residents on your couch, I believe even the most neurotic of moms would let you slide (and, yes, I am talking about me).
Finally, with regard to the hostess duties, I’m not sure what kind of highfalutin’ fancy pants play dates you attend, but the majority that I’m aware of don’t require much except your kid, a glass of water and maybe some cheddar Goldfish. But then it’s always possible that I’m hanging with the wrong crowd, and by wrong crowd, I mean not with Bill Gates’ kids.
Basically, it’s only fair to share the responsibilities and wreckage that comes with kids’ playdates. And while we all certainly want to put our best foot forward, sometimes just putting out an unshaved leg with non-manicured toes is all it takes for everyone to be happy.
Good Luck,
Tonya, TMH
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