Super Nanny’s Ready to Super Quit
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I’m a nanny and I absolutely love my job, but my bosses are driving me insane. They waffle between wanting to be completely hands-on with their three kids and basically shoving me out of the room to do chores and housework that aren’t a part of my job description.
I’ve been working for them for almost a year now, and I average 60 hour weeks, but have yet to see a single overtime check. Lately there have been a lot of comments about how random things are my responsibility (“Don’t worry about clearing the table, that’s the nanny’s job”) or how I’m paid to do things (“Don’t worry about the laundry, honey, the nanny can fold it. That’s what we’re paying her for.”)
I know that financially they’re not in as good a place as they had hoped to be due to the blow Hurricane Irene dealt our area. And I don’t want to sound greedy and demand/ beg for more money, but at the same time I’m getting fed up with being pushed around and dumped on without the compensation they claim to be giving me. What should I do?
Signed,
Ready to Move Out of This Nanny State
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Dear Ready,
First of all, I’m sorry you’re having such a tough time with your employer. I imagine it’s very hard to love kids like they’re family, yet be treated unfairly and like you’re just an employee by their parents. The role of Nanny can be inherently difficult for many reasons, including emotional. Which is why I only let the cat or the TV watch my kids when I’m not home. After all, I don’t want them getting attached to a hot lass from Sweden who doesn’t yell things like, “I’m setting fire to your Legos unless you pick them up, you nimrods!”
Now, I’m going to try my best to give you advice on this, but since there are many details I don’t know—your employment agreement, compensation, taxes, housing, etc.—it won’t necessarily be my usual brilliance. But I will say that 60 hours a week seems like a lot and you’re probably not being paid by the hour or they wouldn’t ask that of you. You’re also probably not being paid to do laundry or cleaning, but maybe that was part of your original agreement? That whole “light housekeeping” trap that many have fallen into. (Also known as “marriage,” am I right ladies? Up high!) Anyway, do you think Mary Poppins would put up with any of this shit? No, she’d whack Dick Van Dyke’s ass with her umbrella is what’d she do.
What I think you need to do is stand up for yourself and ask them to discuss your hours and compensation with an eye to possible changes. You may have agreed to certain things when you took the job, but that doesn’t mean you can’t revise them later. Be strong and let them know that you’re working too many hours and also let them know that you’re confused as to which is your priority—the kids or the cleaning. And understand that your employers aren’t necessarily bad people, but it can be easy to start pushing things off on the nanny when you have one. Take a look at the Fair Labor Standards Act to see if it applies to you.
Finally, you’re a nice person to be concerned about their financial struggles. You really are. But repeat after me: Their Money Problem Is Not My Money Problem. Meaning, fair is fair and you should be compensated for the work you’re doing whether they can afford it or not. I mean, I don’t tell my hairdresser that I’m going to pay her the same for full highlights as I do partial because my money’s tight, right? You’re a single woman and you need to look out for yourself and your own financial well-being.
Just remember that a kind, generous nanny is hard to find and your employers need to realize how fortunate they are and treat you accordingly. If they don’t, polish up your resume.
And your umbrella.
Good luck,
Wendi, TMH
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The Tax Man Cometh. Apparently, He Doesn’t Take Coupons.
Tomorrow is Tax Day in America and we at the Mouthy Housewives have been eating bon-bons by the bucketful to ease the pain. We just realized that so many of the things we rely on aren’t tax deductible!
So, we’ve decided to put together a list for the IRS to put in place before next year. Maybe by then Wendi will no longer be hogging the box of Zinfandel while crying in the closet.
Medical and Dental Expenses
Case of Costco Pinot Grigio (Doctor’s orders! And by Doctor we mean the owner of our local liquor store)
Botox (we read a study that showed those with Botox had less anger,or at least were able to express less anger, so, let’s call this “Anger Management”)
40 Gallons of chocolate chip ice cream (it’s like frozen Prozac!)
Charitable Contributions
Muumuus for the nudists who live next door (Neighborhood beautification)
Suspenders for Larry of the Neighborhood Watch (trust us…this helps EVERYONE!)
Educational Expenses
Year subscription to Us Weekly and In Touch
There was that time we called long distance to Switzerland to order special anti-wrinkle cream and we had to use our 8th grade French
Cable TV (so we can stay current on important issues like Bridezillas, The Bachelor, and Dance Moms)
Business Use of Home
Storage of daughter’s 200 boxes of Girl Scout Cookies (this may or may not…ok, may, include the subsequent purchase and devouring of said 200 boxes of cookies and then a necessary personal trainer)
Carpet cleaner and interior painter for that fateful Monday night when Book Club became Fight Club (We can’t talk about it…)
Business Use of Car
Impromptu trip to Mexico for select members of PTA (To taste test margaritas for next PTA fundraiser)
Driving Mother-in-law home 3000 miles when her flight was cancelled (Also includes the price of a stun gun and duct tape)
What do you think, have we missed anything?
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This House is not an Equal Opportunity Employer
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
My 14 year old daughter does some cleaning jobs around the house to make extra money. My son (12) recently asked if he could do that too, and I agreed. Should he be paid the same as my daughter is even though he is younger and doesn’t do as good of a job as she does?
Signed,
EOE
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Dear EOE,
Oh, how I envy you. At the moment, my kids are still only 3 and 5, and think “cleaning” means throwing things into a corner while simultaneously sobbing about their torment and petitioning the cats for amnesty from their wretched mother. (And that’s WITH bribery, unfortunately.)
But back to your situation. I firmly believe that there is no reason to pay both kids the same amount “just because.” Is this how the real world operates? Hell no! In fact, when one of them complains, tell them to just be happy they aren’t being TAXED! Or that the national gender wage gap doesn’t apply this fiscal year! OR THAT THEY AREN’T WORKING IN SWEATSHOPS, you ungrateful little–
Where was I?
I think the important thing to remember here is that, before you set up any type of allowance agreement, think about age-appropriate chores for each child. Also, be clear about what type of performance is expected from each one of them. For example, having the five year-old manage the electric bill will not “help him learn responsibility” as much as it will “show him how quickly his parents break with the power shut off for DAYS ON END.”
Not that I’m speaking from experience.
Especially since your kids are a little bit older, you don’t need to stress as much about being “fair.” But if you are worried about that, I’d suggest going with a performance-based pay scale. If they’re both doing the exact same quality of work, then perhaps they should be paid the same amount. I’m guessing, however, that there will be a bit of a lapse between the two, in which case, pay accordingly.
Of course, this will be a bumpy road at first, as you’ll probably have to deal with some fallout regarding gender relations and glass ceilings and possibly a civil lawsuit that leads to parental emancipation, but these can all be learning opportunities, amirite?! Minor squabbles and doubts about the validity of your love as a mother are nothing when compared to the glimpse of the “real world” you’ll be giving them.
Warm regards,
Kristine, TMH
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When Money and Marriage Don’t Mix
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
My husband and I went to dinner recently and he paid for the majority of the meal, leaving him with $2.00 in his wallet. The next morning, on his way out of the gym, he felt light headed due to his diabetic condition and when he went to purchase an energy bar realized he had only $2.00 in his wallet and could not buy it.
He called me and told me that he was surprised (actually blamed me ) that I would let him go out with only $2.00 in his wallet. I was floored, as he has money everywhere, could have easily taken some yet chooses to blame me for his wallet being almost empty. He controls all of his money, all of the time. I have nothing to do with his funds. Should I really be responsible for this?
Signed,
Who You Blaming?!
_______________________
Dear Who You Blaming,
I’m so glad you wrote in because the other day I locked myself out of the house, had to pay 70 bucks for a locksmith and I’m so grateful that I now have someone to blame. So thanks a lot for letting me do that. Oh and I’m also pissed at you for that time I sprained my ankle playing tennis. And for that day when I wore my shirt inside out for 7 hours before someone had the decency to tell me.
In all seriousness – it sounds like the only person your husband should be mad at is himself. I’m sorry he only had two dollars in his wallet but that is hardly your fault. And you should introduce him to these fancy new things that were just invented called credit cards and ATM cards. They really are magic and can work wonders when one finds themselves a bit short on cash. Did he have any of those in his wallet at the time?
So no, you are absolutely not to blame. But it does sound like there might be some tension between the two of you when it comes to control over money. Am I reading too much into your question? Every couple works out their money differently. Some share funds. Some keep separate accounts. Some drive to Vegas and spend it all there. Whatever works.
But you two are married. And you need to manage and spend your money in a way that works for both of you. So maybe you both need to sit down and have more of a big picture discussion about your financial arrangement.
Good luck to you.
Kelcey, TMH
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We are Drowning in Bills and My Husband is No Help!
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I got engaged in February, just two weeks before my boyfriend (now husband) got fired from his job. We got quickly court-house married so that he could have health insurance (we’ve been together over three years and still plan to have a wedding ceremony next year so it wasn’t that last-minute).
I’ve become the breadwinner while we slowly drain our house fund/his savings for monthly bills. At this point, I’m drowning in bills I had before we were married, plus the extra cost of all the groceries (we used to go halfsies), insurance and other things (lots of beer).
There is little I can do to make more money or save more money but HOW do I lessen the moment-to-moment terror I feel about my situation? I have heart-wrenching anxiety whenever I look at a receipt or my banking website. Help me.
Signed,
This is Not Life with Prince Charming
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Dear This is Not Life,
First of all, I’m so sorry for your financial problems and anxiety. This sounds like a really rough time for you. Take some deep breaths. (Yes, I promise my advice will get better than just telling you to breathe.)
You are anxious because you feel like you have no control over your financial situation. You need to immediately sit down with your husband and make a budget. Even if you are eating into your savings, it will make you feel better if you know exactly how much you can spend on groceries, gas and yes, even beer (although I do think a cheap bottle of Sauvignon Blanc is a better investment). Now stick to that budget. If you are not of financial mind, find a friend who is good with numbers to help out with this.
Also, allow yourself one hour a week when you focus on your debt. That’s the time that you pay bills, look at your budget, drink wine, cry and stress out. Then do your best to let it go until the following week.
I would also recommend making time in your life for anything that might relieve a bit of your stress… a jog, watching a movie, writing, bubble baths, dancing like a maniac to “She Works Hard for the Money.” Whatever works.
I assume your husband is job hunting. Is there any kind of part time work he can take on temporarily to just bring in some cash? Because you are clearly feeling a heavy financial burden. Try to keep in mind that this is a temporary situation. Your husband will work again. The economy will get better. Life will improve.
But right now, feel free to vent to the Mouthy Housewives because you need to express all of these feelings. And we are the kind of ladies that will always listen.
Good luck and keep us posted.
Kelcey, TMH
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