Quick ‘n Easy Tips for Not Plagiarizing
Look, we’ll be honest. When we heard that a blogger plagiarized posts from Amalah, we were so angry that we almost started to Mouth Off on the subject. But then we thought, why not use this as a teaching moment? Because many of you out there may need an easy reference guide for avoiding plagiarism. And we are nothing if not full-service! (We think. Also, we just made that up, so don’t start dropping off your laundry or anything like that.)
So, here are some easy and fun tips to help you remember not to plagiarize!
1. When you are about to copy someone’s words and use them as your own, don’t. Instead, make yourself a smoothie.
2. When you read something that you love on a blog, leave a comment, not a copyright violation.
3. Remember, it’s See Something, Say Something. Not Read Something, Steal Something.
4. If you are a mommy blogger and you wrote the most amazing travel post about how you just sailed around the world solo, you may have accidentally stolen it.
5. Do not mix margaritas and your computer’s copy and paste features.
6. If you are writing about a fork in the road, you better be talking about flatware or you may be stealing someone else’s idea.
7. If your post is about how you can’t believe you won so many Grammys and you want to fank all of your fans and snarf some fish and chips, you may have accidentally lifted a few quotes from Adele’s website.
8. If you’re only 27 years old, but your post is about raising babies in the Great Depression, maybe you should do a few moments of soul searching.
9. If your blog usually reads like the work of a demented 3rd grader and then one day it suddenly sounds like you got a PhD overnight, there’s a chance you maybe copied the work of someone a hell of a lot smarter than you.
10. If you don’t remember writing the words on your screen and you don’t have either a smack habit or multiple personalities, then you are probably stealing.
11. If you’re 27 and you still don’t understand the old adage, “If it’s not yours… It’s NOT YOURS” then even The Mouthy Housewives can’t help you.
12. If you find yourself constantly using catch phrases like: “Have a Coke and a smile”, “Fair and Balanced”, and “Neglecting our families to give you advice since 2009″ then you are probably plagiarizing.
13. Unless it’s 1963 and you’re standing in front of the Lincoln Memorial, we don’t think your “I Have A Dream” post was written by you.
14. Not sure if you’re plagiarizing? Keep this simple rhyme in mind! If your source is pissed, you’re a plagiarist!
15. When you’re proofreading your writing and you see something that seems familiar, be sure to find the missing citation before printing. Sometimes neighborhood fliers can help.
(Annoying husbands, on the other hand, do not help.)
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Someone is Stalking My Husband
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
My husband is a college professor, and he has a former student who won’t leave him alone.
A couple years ago, before this student graduated, she came to his office and told him that she had developed feelings for him. She admitted that she knew it was wrong and that she would do the right thing and stay away from him.
Since then, she has done the complete opposite. She sends him emails and Facebook messages. She stops by his office hours regularly, saying that she’s there visiting another professor and was just “passing by.”
Over and over, my husband has behaved uncomfortably when she has made contact, and she will ask him things like, “Do you hate me?” to which he replies “No, but you crossed a boundary, and I’m not interested in any sort of friendship with you.” But no matter how many times he says this, she keeps contacting him.
None of what she’s doing is necessarily over the top, or threatening — she will email him with questions about books she’s reading for example — but nevertheless, I find it unsettling that she continues to reach out to him.
My husband does not want to involve the school or any of his colleagues. He feels that would be unprofessional and would make him look bad. He does not want me to confront this girl (I have met her before) via email to ask her to please stop. But I feel that nothing my husband is doing is working, and I would really prefer if this girl got the hint and backed off.
Signed,
Fed up With My Husband’s Stalker
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Dear Fed Up,
Many many years ago when I had glowy wrinkle free skin, perky boobs and a crazy flat stomach, a much older colleague at work wanted to get drinks with me and hang out in our neighborhood. Now maybe he had just taken notice of my dynamic personality and incredible sharp wit and dreamed of a friendship where we would have spirited discussions about politics and global affairs.
Because all older guys want to do that kind of thing with 20-something girls.
Or perhaps he wanted to sleep with me.
The whole thing made me feel pretty uncomfortable and I notified my supervisor about the situation. I just wanted to make sure there was record of the incident in case this guy didn’t take no for an answer. Thankfully, he did.
My point is – your husband needs to take action. I am assuming from your letter that he has done nothing to encourage her. If he has clearly stated his wishes that this former student no longer contact him than she is, without a doubt, harassing him. Why would it be unprofessional for him to involve the school? He is a professor being harassed by a former student. What’s unprofessional is the fact that he’s not taking any action to stop this inappropriate behavior. The only person that will “look bad” is this girl.
Clearly, she is not going to stop on her own. And as much as you love your husband, it’s not your job to tell her to back off. Plus, it would never work. Your husband needs to immediately contact the school and I would also advise notifying local police because a restraining order may be necessary.
I think in this sort of situation it’s way better to overreact than under react.
Good luck to you guys.
Kelcey, TMH
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Please Stop Wanting Sex From Me! This Girl is Tired.
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
My husband is addicted to sex. No matter what I do, he wants sex all the time. It’s so bad that I pretend I’m asleep when he reaches over to feel my body or I sleep in the guest room to avoid him. I make him angry at me so he won’t want to have sex but nothing is working anymore. He gets mad when I tell him no or when I act like I don’t hear him.
I feel trapped in my own home. I don’t even like my body anymore because of his addiction. It’s gotten so out of control that I’m close to just filing for a divorce. I need advice because I do love him but I’m just so tired of the sex.
Signed,
Get Off Me Hubby
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Dear Get Off Me Hubby,
Tell David Duchovny or Tiger Woods or whoever the hell you are married to to give you some peace for gosh sakes. How is a nice lady like yourself supposed to enjoy hours of television viewing each night if you’ve got some big hairy ape constantly groping you. The Bachelor needs some attention too.
Please know that you are not alone. Other women out there are dealing with this. I know that the American Psychiatric Association has yet to recognize sexual addiction as a real addiction but it sounds pretty real to us. Just ask Téa Leoni.
I think your husband needs to find some new extracurricular activities to keep his hands busy. Like dishes. Laundry. Mopping the floor. Spanking the monkey. That sort of thing. If he is in desperate need of being satisfied, he should handle some of that responsibility.
Your body does not belong to him. Yes, sex is an important part of any marriage. But his incessant sexual demands do not make for a healthy relationship. The two of you need to get to a couple’s therapist as soon as possible. This situation is not going to resolve itself.
I’m worried that you describe him as getting angry when you say no. If you feel like he might get violent with you, then you should perhaps seek help from a counselor on your own before addressing this with him.
You deserve to be in a relationship where you are respected, not sexually mauled at every opportunity. Good luck to you.
Kelcey, TMH
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Should I Attend My High School Reunion Or Was High School Itself Enough Suffering?
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
My 20th high school reunion is this summer. I’m not entirely sure how this happened because I swear I’m no older than 32, at least according to Oil of Olay’s promise to remove years from my face. I always assumed I’d go to my reunion, but the more I follow the dedicated reunion Facebook page the less I want to go. It’s the same popular “in” crowd chatting with each other (eye roll). Do people regret not attending their high school reunions? And why hasn’t Facebook made these damn things obsolete already?
Signed,
I Didn’t Like These People in High School So Why Should I Hang Out With Them 20 Years Later?
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Dear I Didn’t Like These People in High School,
In order to attend a reunion, you must be in a relatively positive place. You should feel pretty good about the way you look and the direction of your life.
For example, if you are 38 and still living at home, sleeping in your old bunk bed with The Incredible Hulk sheets, you might consider not going. Or if the only person you communicate with regularly is your parole officer, ditto. Or if you went way overboard on the Botox and now look like a disturbing wax version of yourself (think Sandra Bullock at the Oscars), this might not be the time to step out into the reunion spotlight.
But if you are in a good groove, why not go? Forget about the “in” crowd. Do you have a group of friends from high school that you like or liked? Reconnect with them and you can all hang out together. It can be a lot of fun to see old pals and remember just how devastated you all were to find out Milli Vanilli was a fraud. (I still mourn the loss of that band.)
And at some point during the reunion, I absolutely promise that you are going to run into some pudgy guy who is sporting a shiny bald head and an orange glow from too much self tanner and you’re going to suddenly realize, “Holy crap. That’s Billie Thaler. The god damn captain of the football team and hottest guy at school who I worshiped for FOUR long years and the only thing he ever said to me was, ‘A tampon just fell out of your purse.’ Wow, he looks awful.”
The joy of his fall from grace will certainly be reason enough to go. Doesn’t that sound more satisfying than just looking up old classmates on Facebook?
My final advice is to have a few cocktails. Reunions are not for the sober. Unless not drinking is a requirement for your parole and then see earlier advice about maybe sitting this reunion out.
Good luck,
Kelcey, TMH
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Gwyneth Says No To Botox: The Mouthy Housewives Come To Her Rescue.
Happy Friday everyone! The Mouthy Housewives were just seconds away from pouring ourselves a margarita to get the weekend started when we heard some startling news. In a recent interview, 39-year-old Gwyneth Paltrow was quoted as saying, “I’ll take my wrinkles. I don’t like the Botox thing.” Apparently, she plans to grow old gracefully? WTF?
We immediately recognized this as a call for help. So we have compiled a list of ways Paltrow can maintain her youthful glow without the help of Botox. Such as:
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Hang out with the cast of Cocoon. Wait, are they all dead?! Even better.
Never smile again. Smiles = wrinkles.
Make Apple give youth inducing facials each night.
Start taking the latest health craze: human growth hormone. That sounds organic enough.
Use cream made of crushed blood diamonds. Make sure it’s all natural!
Never travel without own soft-white light source.
Let Cher bite your neck. If the rumors are true, you’ll soon have sparkly skin and never get a day older.
Never take pictures with Moses and Apple. Their skin is too youthful.
Start lying about age. 80 never looked so good!
Adopt a Shar-Pei. One of the extra-wrinkly variety.
Get huge boob implants: nobody will be lookin’ at your mug when you suddenly have honkin’ hooters to say ‘hi’!
Conspire with BFFs Madonna and Stella McCartney to make laugh lines the newest fashion must-have accessory.
Market line of snap-on wrinkles to Rooney Mara and other wrinkleless sufferers.
Get Botocks. It’s totally not Botox.
Two words: Invisible. Tape.
Take up boxing or elective oral surgery. A swollen face erases fine lines!
Listen, if they can clone a sheep, they can clone you a back-up face.
Who’s up for a year-long masquerade party?!
So good luck, Gwynnie! We can’t wait to see how you’ll try to make us all look inadequate when you’re in your 40′s!
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