30 Aug
The Mouthy Housewives Interview Wendi Mclendon-Covey

Some of you might know that the BlogHer conference took place a few weeks ago in San Diego. Both Mouthy Wendi (MW) and I flew in on our private jets and had the opportunity to interview the very funny and very talented Wendi Mclendon-Covey while we were there.

(I KNOW! THE OTHER WENDI!)

MW worked in Hollywood before, so I can only imagine that she was rather calm, cool, and collected about the entire thing. I however, promptly began to freak the hell out. What would we ask her? What if she upstages our humor? And will this microphone pick up the sound of my stomach growling, because I could go to TOWN on a Hillshire Farm breakfast patty right about now.

Long story short, after being drugged and coerced by friends (kind of), I convinced MW (again, our Wendi, not THAT Wendi…Jesus, this is confusing) that it would be hilarious to fill the interview with sexual innuendo. ABOUT SAUSAGE!

Get it? Hillshire Farm? Sausage? THE JOKES WRITE THEMSELVES!

Well, as it turns out, the jokes EDIT themselves as well, because this is the final product of our interview, and every single one of my side-splitting sausage propositions has been removed. I am an embarrassment to my friends and family. (Speaking of which, the context for discussing my husband’s preference for sausage was also removed…HE DOESN’T REALLY HAVE A CONDITION. Omfg.)

Thanks again to everyone at Hillshire Farm, for sponsoring this post, and especially to Wendi Mclendon-Covey for being so personable and funny. I hope you’ll forgive me for the sausage talk. Ahem.

And for those of you that haven’t yet seen Wendi Mclendon-Covey’s amazing “slinking” skills, check out Hillshire Farm‘s latest commercial.

 

 

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20 Aug
Smoothies!

As you know, two weeks ago, Mouthy Housewives Kelcey, Marinka and Wendi were at BlogHer. But just because they were relaxing and partying at BlogHer, doesn’t mean that they left their culinary skills behind. Take a look!

And please check out the 8th Continent Soymilk Nice Job, Mom contest here. Look through the entries of the very relatable parenting mishaps, and submit your own! You could win a room makeover! Or a fancy trip! What’s not to love?

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28 Apr
Snack Attack During Dinner Preparations

If you’re looking to live a more greener, organic life, Daphne of A Greener Biener is the girl to emulate. Luckily for us, she took a break from growing tomatoes and making jam to be a guest Mouthy Housewife. She was also a sorority sister of mine so if you’re really nice, we’ll teach you the secret handshake.   – Kelcey

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Dear Mouthy Housewives,

If you’ll allow me to start with boasting, let me say I am a very talented home cook. The problems is that I taste test so much of the food as I’m cooking that I’m never hungry by the time the meal is on the table. Not only is it a let down to my taste buds to eat when full, but it’s no friend to my waistline either. I have no idea how all of the Food Network chefs manage to not nibble while cooking. Do you have any advice of how I could stop this bad cooking habit?

Signed,

Just Too Finger Lickin’ Good
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Dear Finger Lickin’,

Hats off to you, girl.   I like a self-possessed woman who can take credit for her strengths.   If you’re telling me that you are a talented home cook, I have no doubt you are indeed tomorrow’s next Top Chef.

The problem here, however, doesn’t seem to be the provision of quality meals for your family. (I’m assuming that some of the food actually makes it to the table for your family? Or are you scarfing down the good stuff and throwing out a bowl of cheerios for them?)

Tasting is an important part of creating in the kitchen.   That being said, you won’t be able to lift that ladle if you insist on snacking your way through the process. You mentioned that the chefs on the Food Network never nibble while they cook. So I think the obvious solution is to hire a neighborhood kid to film you every day while you make dinner (tell her you’ll kick in a couple extra bucks if she also does your hair and make-up). Once the camera is rolling, you’ll be too self-conscious to keep up your snacking habit.

Of course, once you tire of being an imaginary Food Network star, you’ll need a different solution.   Just like we should never enter the supermarket on an empty stomach, perhaps you should not confront the stove in your weakened state.   Does Happy Hour coincide with cooking time at your house? Why not sip a glass of wine while you stir the pot? Or peel an extra carrot while preparing the salads, then munch away.   You’ll feel satisfied and your appetite should still be intact for the dinner table.

Feel free to check the flavor and toss in a little salt, but leave the rest for the table.   This is where the good stuff happens anyway.   Showing your children that you’ve got a handle on how to eat right is the best way to promote healthy eating habits in them.

Trust yourself; we’ve established that you’re a good cook.   So don’t go licking the bowl clean trying to prove it.   Here’s what you do if you can’t get control of that wandering tongue — act like a Queen:   claim paranoia and hire yourself a royal food taster.

Signed,

Daphne, Guest TMH

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15 Apr
Bon Appetit, From My Lunch Box to Yours

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

My daughter is in kindergarten this year, and wants me to pack her lunch every day. I think it’s a good idea to do this, too, since I don’t like the food in the cafeteria, but I’m running out of ideas of what to put in her lunch bag. She’s pretty picky, but there has to be something that’ll make her happy.   Help!

Signed,

PBJ Mom

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Dear PBJ Mom,

I guess it depends on whether you are a Mrs. Brady type mom or a Roseanne Barr type mom.

If you are a Mrs. Brady type mom, why are you even writing in this question? Isn’t packing your kid’s lunch your housekeeper’s problem?

If you are a Roseanne Barr type mom then you simply throw a pack of Malboros into your child’s lunch box. On Tuesdays pack menthols for variety.

But, if you are a Type A mom like me, the challenge is less black and white. How many ways can you slather a piece of bread before you want to slit your wrist with the serrated knife out of boredom?

I recommend utilizing a soup thermos, especially during the cooler months. Take this a step further by getting on your Julia Child and filling it with homemade soups. This really makes you look like a superior mother to all those other kindergartners. Type B moms can fill a thermos with Chef Boyardee ravioli, but really, all that says to the other kids is your child will attend state college and not Ivy League. (Those Lunchables are even worse and say technical college, so watch out for those.)

I also recommend Fit & Fresh containers.* I use them in my kids’ lunch boxes and adore them. I can easily pack fresh fruit and yogurt, salads…you get the idea; healthy foods that will not only make me look like mother of the year but ensure a Harvard scholarship too. On top of those fringe benefits, you’ll also use fewer plastic sandwich bags, so it’s like you’re Eco-Mom of the Year with future Ivy League genius.   For anal-retentive moms, there is no higher dream.

So, PBJ Mom, I hope that has given you some alternative lunchbox ideas. Write us back and let us know how it goes. We’d love to know if your daughter enjoys homemade shrimp bisque, or prefers the menthol over slims.

Signed,

Heather, TMH

*TMH was not compensated in any way to mention Fit & Fresh products.   At least, this Mouthy Housewife wasn’t. Kelcey and Wendi have been looking mighty fit and fresh lately.

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09 Nov
So, About This Turkey Thing

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

I am a culinary disaster. Everything I cook turns out horribly, and I really hate being in the kitchen. My husband has invited his parents over for Thanksgiving dinner, and I know he would be really happy if I made a home cooked feast. What should I do?

Signed,

Turkey Trouble

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Dear Turkey Trouble,

That’s funny, because my husband would be really happy if I walked the Victoria Secret runway in a bra, g-string and those huge -ass Angel wings attached to my back, but that’s not happening either.   Perhaps our husbands can get together and commiserate about ways in which we are not making their dreams come true.   It could be a real Iron John bonding moment, and if we surreptitiously film it, I’m sure we’ll become YouTube millionaires.

I’m sure that your husband appreciates many of your other fine qualities, like the fact that you will even consider the notion of entertaining his parents for Thanksgiving.   It’s time for a moment of truth–can you handle a turkey?   Personally, I think that’s a tall order if   you loathe all things kitchen.   The chances for failure and frustration are just too great. And if you mess up the Thanksgiving Turkey, it’s some sort of a non-forgettable offense. So why not ask your husband if he’ll make the turkey. I suggest saying it casually, as though you’d already discussed it and it’s a fait accompli.   Say, “Okay, so you’ll do the turkey and I’ll saute some brussel sprouts, right?” If he goes along with, fantastic! Problem solved!

Otherwise,   I recommend throwing money at this problem.   Check out the local grocery stores in your neighborhood and see if they provide an already prepared turkey that you can place strategically in your oven. That way, you get to take the turkey out of the oven and look all radiant.   And if you’re worried about the price, don’t fret.   This is what perfectly innocent people in Manhattan have to pay for the privilege of not poisoning their loved ones on Thanksgiving.

Then steam a vegetable of your choice (provided that your choice consists of something steam-able, like brussel sprouts, broccoli or asparagus); make a quick mustard vinaigrette, and viola!   Dinner, she is served.

For dessert, get a bottle of Karo Corn Syrup (I like dark) and follow the super easy recipe for pecan pie on the bottle.   Seriously, you can do it with your eyes closed and you should hear the praise.   (Really, give me your address and I’ll send you the tape that I’ve made of the praise I’ve been given.)

Good luck and good eating!
Marinka, TMH

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Have you entered our Minted holiday card giveaway?   Hurry!

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