One, Two and Now We’re Three! Happy Birthday to the Mighty Mouthies!
Believe it or not, it’s our birthday today! Yes, just three years ago The Mouthy Housewives were nothing but a twinkle in Bradley Cooper’s Swiffer and now just look at us! We’re walking, we’re talking, we’re learning to use the potty by ourselves—OMG, it’s so fun to be 3! Wheeee!
We’re celebrating our big milestone by swilling champagne, gobbling chocolate and licking pictures of Channing Tatum in our Mouthy Mansion all week, and that’s why we need your help. As you know, all year long, we four gorgeous martyrs answer every single one of your questions. Happily, we may add. Even the dog poop and naked model with a stiffy ones. But our birthday is the one week a year when we ask YOU to help US with our issues. Yep, we have problems, too, friends. Even stunning geniuses have flaws. Just ask poor, troubled Giselle Budchen. Bikinis can chafe.
But because we love all of you, our readers, we know that you’re up to the task. So just do what we do: carefully read the question, sniff some glue and/or bath salts, then put on your thinking Spanx and give us your best answers to our problems. Isn’t that so much easier than buying us all a present? Thank you!
First up: Wendi
Dear Mouthy Housewives’ Readers,
I absolutely hate cooking dinner. HATE IT. I’m a terrible cook and just not interested in improving. I’d be perfectly happy having cottage cheese and fruit for dinner every night if I lived alone. Maybe popcorn if I was feeling festive.
The problem is, I don’t live alone. I live with two kids and a husband. And did you know that kids need to be fed THREE TIMES A DAY?
Anyway, I can usually figure out something they’ll eat, but then my husband doesn’t like it. (He’s very, very healthy and often goes on various regimines where he won’t eat carbs, etc.) Or I make something he likes and the kids hate it. I don’t want to cook something different for everyone, nor am I that interested in delving into cookbooks and trolling Whole Foods for the perfect recipe to please everyone. But I would like us all to eat together at least a couple of nights a week.
My husband is probably okay with just making his own food, but he also works all day and it’d be nice if I could at least make a couple of meals for the family. Any suggestions? Signed,
Wendi, TMH
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I Can Bring Home The Bacon But Please Don’t Make Me Fry It Up In A Pan!
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
My fiancée makes great food, and she cooks for us almost every night. We both work the same number of hours, but she cooks because she gets home earlier. I feel bad about letting her take on all the responsibility of food management, especially since I feel exhausted at the end of the day and I figure she must too.
I asked my father about it, but he’s quite old-fashioned and, though he’s supportive of me generally, he said I shouldn’t interfere with “women’s work.”
I don’t even know how to bring up the topic with her, and I’m a terrible cook. What should I do?
Signed,
No Chef Boyardee
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Dear No Chef,
It’s a good thing you’ve put a ring on it because, frankly, I was considering divorcing my husband just to pursue your kitchen-handy fiancée! I think my spouse may have had the same thought. For some reason he’s tired of the toasted cheese sandwiches I know how to make. Like those somehow get old after 18 years together? He’s very high maintenance!
Also, while I’m sure your father has a lot of good advice in other areas, I’m not confident “it’s women’s work” is a good motto to follow. Does Gordon Ramsey know that cooking is “women’s work”? I’m not really sure you want to anger a guy who’s been quoted as saying: “I have a very assertive way. It’s wake up, move your ass, or piss off home.”
Now, as for your lack of culinary know-how, it’s possible to make up for this inadequacy in other ways, like cleaning the bathroom. Properly. You know, by using ACTUAL cleaning fluid and NOT your wife’s toothbrush. Take it from my husband, that’s the quickest way to find yourself sharing a 1-bedroom apartment with 8 other guys, one of whom goes by the name of Cooter and doesn’t believe in store bought liquor.
But without sitting down with your gal and talking it out, it’s hard to know what her wish list may contain. Perhaps, she’d prefer you to wash the dishes or mop the floor or give the cat a haircut? Having this discussion will give the two of you much needed practice for the many and varied conversations (both heated and not) that are a huge part of marriage and your next 20+ years together.
Good Luck!
Tonya, TMH
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My Mother Is a Soda Pusher!
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
My parents are staying with us over the holidays and although I’m happy to have them with us and my children adore them, I’m not happy that my mother tries to get the kids to drink soda.
I’m not a health nut, but we do not drink soda and I see no reason to give any to my 3 and 5 year old children.
I’ve talked to my mother about this in past years (she brings the soda with her, and doles it out as a special treat) and she said that she doesn’t know what the big deal is.
She thinks I’m being the food police. What do you think?
Signed,
Sodaless
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Dear Sodaless,
How can you possibly be the food police if what you’re monitoring is your children’s beverage intake? Or is the beverage police a unit of the larger food police force? And is Sipowitz part of that particular task force? Because I’m still not over seeing his butt on NYPD Blue.
I do know that as a parent you have a right to determine what your children get to eat and drink. And your mother doesn’t get to overrule you.
I don’t blame you for nixing soda in your home. It has absolutely no health benefits and there’s a lot to show that it’s bad for children. (If it’s part of their daily diet. A once-a-year soda, even once a month soda is probably ok.)
Your mother may think that it is more than ok and that you are depriving your children of their constitutional right to sugar and carbonation. She can think that all she wants but she can’t substitute her values for yours and make decisions for your children.
It is also not ok for her to disregard your wishes. What if she decides one day that your children need to wear matching Christmas sweaters with reindeer appliques? Then what are you going to do?
You should talk to your mother again, perhaps in advance of her visit. Let her know that although you appreciate the time she spends with your children and you value their relationship, you are concerned about the studies that have been coming out regarding sweetened beverage consumption and childhood obesity and diabetes. If you need more ammunition, blame New York City (everyone else does) and their anti-soda posters.
I'll have a glass of water, please. Thank you.
I suspect that your mother may be trying to find a special treat that she can share with grandchildren-a forbidden fruit, so to speak, that will win them over. Suggest to her that spending time doing a favorite activity (singing Justin Bieber songs? Playing Trouble?) would be a lot better for the children’s health and the grandmother-grandchildren relationship in the long run. And if she still insists on the forbidden fruit, consider persimmon.
Good luck,
Marinka, TMH
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The Mouthy Housewives Interview Wendi Mclendon-Covey
Some of you might know that the BlogHer conference took place a few weeks ago in San Diego. Both Mouthy Wendi (MW) and I flew in on our private jets and had the opportunity to interview the very funny and very talented Wendi Mclendon-Covey while we were there.
(I KNOW! THE OTHER WENDI!)
MW worked in Hollywood before, so I can only imagine that she was rather calm, cool, and collected about the entire thing. I however, promptly began to freak the hell out. What would we ask her? What if she upstages our humor? And will this microphone pick up the sound of my stomach growling, because I could go to TOWN on a Hillshire Farm breakfast patty right about now.
Long story short, after being drugged and coerced by friends (kind of), I convinced MW (again, our Wendi, not THAT Wendi…Jesus, this is confusing) that it would be hilarious to fill the interview with sexual innuendo. ABOUT SAUSAGE!
Get it? Hillshire Farm? Sausage? THE JOKES WRITE THEMSELVES!
Well, as it turns out, the jokes EDIT themselves as well, because this is the final product of our interview, and every single one of my side-splitting sausage propositions has been removed. I am an embarrassment to my friends and family. (Speaking of which, the context for discussing my husband’s preference for sausage was also removed…HE DOESN’T REALLY HAVE A CONDITION. Omfg.)
Thanks again to everyone at Hillshire Farm, for sponsoring this post, and especially to Wendi Mclendon-Covey for being so personable and funny. I hope you’ll forgive me for the sausage talk. Ahem.
And for those of you that haven’t yet seen Wendi Mclendon-Covey’s amazing “slinking” skills, check out Hillshire Farm‘s latest commercial.
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Smoothies!
As you know, two weeks ago, Mouthy Housewives Kelcey, Marinka and Wendi were at BlogHer. But just because they were relaxing and partying at BlogHer, doesn’t mean that they left their culinary skills behind. Take a look!
And please check out the 8th Continent Soymilk Nice Job, Mom contest here. Look through the entries of the very relatable parenting mishaps, and submit your own! You could win a room makeover! Or a fancy trip! What’s not to love?
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