This is a Computer. It Has Internet
The Mouthy Housewives are celebrating turning three years old and you’re getting us the present of advice all week! You already helped Wendi and Kristine so I want to get in on the advice while it’s flowing freely!
Dear Mouthy Housewives Readers,
Here is my dilemma.
My mother is in her 60s and she has a friend who’s in his kazillions. But that’s not the dilemma.
The problem is that this friend is very active on Facebook and my mother does not use the computer at all. Let me repeat that again, slowly, so that you can digest it: My mother does not use the computer. At all. Like she has never been online. She doesn’t know what Facebook is. How is this my (and by extension your) problem?
Well, my mother and her friend have solved their technological incompatibility by asking me to print his inane ramblings off Facebook and hand deliver them to my mother.
Yes, you read that correctly. I have been asked to print crap from Facebook and bring it to my mother so that she can read it and catch up with her friend. And I was so stunned by the inanity of it all that I agreed to do it.
I’ll wait until you stop laughing.
Fine, I’ll go get a snack while you calm down.
That was some delicious soufflé.
The problem is that I seem to have lost the will to live. Whenever I see that my mother’s friend posted something, my heart sinks, a bit lower each time. The way things are going, I’m worried that my heart will get lodged in my thigh soon.
So what do I do?
Tell my mother to find a new sucker or learn the internets or suck it up and print an occasional update for the woman who gave me life and doesn’t ask all that much from me?
Signed,
Marinka, Do Not Like
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Motherhood in Six Words
Mother’s Day is this weekend and The Mouthy Housewives want to take a moment to honor all the mothers out there with a little tribute, so we’ve asked our favorite bloggers to describe motherhood in six words. Here are the beautiful things they had to say:
Nicole Shaw, Ninja Mom Blog: Motherhood means love, joy, and incontinence.
Lisa Rosenberg, Smacksy: Your favorite jewelry: made of macaroni.
Karen Walrond, Chookooloonks: Most rewarding gig you’ll ever have.
Beth Avant, Hip Mama B: exhaustion, pride, smiles, cuddles, anxiety, completion.
TwoBusy, Two Busy: Glad I didn’t push ‘em out.
Jett Superior, Alphabet Junkie: An endless romance, peppered with hysteria.
Tracey Gaughran-Perez, Sweetney: fulfilling, exhilarating, profound, challenging, beautiful, tired.
Lynn, All Fooked Up: Which part of no was confusing?
Jeni, Highly Irritable: Get used to stepping on Legos.
Amy Windsor, Bitchin’ Wives Club: Not lowering expectations, just readjusting them.
Angie, A Whole Lot of Nothing: Modus operandi: Focus on the positive.
Suzy Soro, Where Hot Comes to Die: Something I chose not to do.
Bri, Sarcasmically: GO AWAY WAIT I LOVE YOU.
Andy, Beta Dad: Not for the faint of heart.
Stacey Conner, Is there Any Mommy Out There?: So tired, so dirty, so happy.
Kristen, Motherhood Uncensored: Hatch, grow, fly, in a flash.
Ellen, Love That Max: Life is hectic, powered by love.
Liz, Mom 101: Ew, what’s this on the sofa?
Jenny, The Bloggess: I’d give my life for you.
Stefanie Wilder-Taylor, Baby on Bored: Having kids hasn’t killed me. Yet.
Tracey Becker, Just Another Mom Blog: I promise: tampons aren’t rocket launchers
Ann Imig, Ann’s Rants: Never close enough never far enough.
Erin Donovan, I’m Gonna Kill Him: Motherhood is…what’s the question again?
Liz McGuire, Peace, Love and Guacamole: Enormous and beautiful, yet surprisingly tedious.
Nancy Davis Kho, Midlife Mixtape: A rollercoaster ride you’d take again.
Shari Simpson-Cabelin, Dusty Earth Mother: Please Consider: Pets Don’t Talk Back.
Pauline, Classy Chaos: One little smile melts my heart.
Jenny, The Suburban Jungle: Unconditional, scary, frustrating, magical, hilarious, aging!
Anna, Life Just Keeps Getting Weirder: Start with Navy Seal. Add tissues.
Deb Rox, Deb On The Rocks: Champagne Wishes, Empty Nest Syndrome Dreams.
Happy Mother’s Day, friends! And remember, if this year doesn’t bring you what you were hoping for, you always have those special stretch marks to enjoy!
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Talking About Other People’s Children
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
Yesterday I was sitting with a group of moms and they were talking about helping out at school and some of the difficult personalities they face with some of the children. I participated by saying one little girl doesn’t like to listen to my direction. That was the extent of what I said and I didn’t say it with a mean tone, just matter of fact. I later realized her aunt was nearby and may have heard my comment.
Should I approach the aunt and apologize? I do not know her that well but she is someone I like and respect. I didn’t say anything terribly rude but I do realize, in general, it is best to not talk about other children.
Signed,
Possible Foot in Mouth
_________________________________
Dear Possible Foot,
Wow.
You know I’ve heard some things in my day, but this one really takes the cake.
I’m just going to take a deep breath and give you the benefit of the doubt. I will assume that you had an adverse reaction to some medication or maybe you were temporarily possessed by an evil spirit.
Because how else can you explain that awful thing you said about this poor woman’s niece?
I’m just glad that the whole incident passed nonviolently. Although I wouldn’t be surprised if there was some litigation in your future over this issue.
Of course there’s another way of looking at it. That what you said is really no big deal. That it was not mean-spirited, untrue or hurtful. It seems that “doesn’t like to listen to my direction” isn’t a terrible thing to say about someone. It’s not like you said that she was a future Real Housewife or something. In my opinion, you should let it go.
You are not certain if the aunt heard you and if she did, she may have just taken it in stride. It’s possible that she may have even nodded in recognition. If you raise it with her, you may have to repeat what you said about her niece, which, according to my math and your sensibilities would leave you with potentially two feet in your mouth.
If you feel that you absolutely must say something to the aunt, go with something nonchalant like “That was some chat we had about the different personalities in the class!” or “If they made a movie about our school, they’d definitely cast Angelina Jolie as you.”
But I do think it’s important to recognize the discomfort you felt over this relatively minor gossip scenario. So listen to your gut and don’t gossip about other people’s children. Except behind their backs, like everyone else.
Take care,
Marinka, TMH
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He’s Not Your Goof!
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
My tweenage son can be what society calls goofy. And I mean goofy beyond that awkward goofiness every tween goes through. Think the Big Bang Theory goofy and you’ll have a better idea of the level of goofiness I mean – wicked smart, but very much into what our society considers “nerdy” things (i.e Star Trek, knee socks with shorts, etc.).
My question is is it okay for my mom friends to comment to me about his goofiness? Because it hurts my feelings, both for myself and my son, but maybe I’m being too sensitive? After all, they are just stating the obvious. Or are they being rude, and if so, how should I handle it?
Signed,
Don’t Call Him That
___________________________________
Dear Don’t,
Let me get out on a limb here (and hope that it will support me)– I suspect that you are not super comfortable with your son’s goofy status. After all, goofiness, while definitely endearing, is not a trait that is most often associated with successful masculinity in 2012 America. Or maybe you are just fine with your son the way he is, but it’s just when your friends say it, you detect a smirk in their inflection.
Yes? Am I close? Beam me your answer! Because that limb is making cracking sounds.
Personally, I’m not a fan of labels. Although they definitely save a lot of time. Goof, geek, nerd, techy: most of us use these words and even those who don’t, get an instant descriptive image. But what the labels leave out, and what as mothers we may object to when they’re applied to our babies, are all the other qualities that our children have that go unrecognized. Because our children, like all people, are more than a series of labels.
It doesn’t matter if you are being oversensitive, if they intend meanness when they call your son “goofy” or are just using it as shorthand way to describe the qualities you recognize in him. What is important is that what your friends are saying is hurtful to you. And you need to tell them that. Let them know that you are not accusing them of doing anything wrong, but that you are sensitive on this subject. Ask them to refrain from calling him “goofy”– if they are your friends they should not have to struggle with honoring your request.
Good luck,
Marinka, TMH
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These Kids are Taking Over My Home
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
Every year when the weather turns nice, the neighborhood “hoodlums” start to wander the streets and inevitably show up at our house to hang out with our kids, ages 9, 5, and 2. When these kids are over, they are rude, disrespectful of people, pets, and property, and either ask for snacks or bring a bunch of junk food to spoil my kids’ dinners. In addition, when these kids are around, my kids think it is okay to be mouthy and rude and throw my household rules out the window.
I suspect that most of the kids that come over are living in poverty and do not have a positive home environment. I feel badly for them; however, I feel that I need to put the safety and up-bringing of my own kids first. My oldest child has Aspergers Disorder and is VERY impulsive. My middle child is adventurous and will try anything. For the safety of all three of them, they are not allowed to leave our property, and I have told them on numerous occasions that if they want to have a friend over, they need to arrange it with me (so I can arrange it with the other mom) in advance.
I feel guilty about telling these neighborhood kids to get lost and am torn between playing a “good Samaritan” and the neighborhood bitch. I don’t know any of the other parents well, and do not feel comfortable approaching them. I have seen some of these kids wandering the streets since they were preschoolers, and I am quite certain we have different standards when it comes to parenting.
I want my kids to be able to play outside without having to worry constantly about the neighborhood kids teaching bad habits and breaking our stuff.
Is there any nice way of telling these kids they need to play by my rules or get off my property?
Mi Casa is not Tu Casa
___________________________
Dear Mi Casa,
You know what really bugs me? Well, yes, the new sweater vest craze inspired by one political candidate. I mean, believe whatever you want politically but I think we can all agree that the sweater vest is not good for America.
You know what also bothers me? This new trend where everyone is wearing these crazy bright colored pants. Yes, they look cute. Yes, I will eventually buy a pair for way too much money. And then you know what will happen? Out. Of. Fashion. Immediately. And please tell me what I am going to do with a pair of electric blue skinny jeans then?!
But the thing that really agitates me is when The Mouthy Housewives are needed. I mean, this is our calling! You have problems, we fix them. That was actually our motto but that thing about neglecting our kids to give you advice since 2009 seemed way funnier.
But you, my dear, don’t need us. You see, the answer to your question is right there in your letter. You ask, “Is there any nice way of telling these kids they need to play by my rules or get off my property?”
Yes! Yes, there is. You tell these kids that they need to play by your rules or they can’t come over for play dates. In fact, put these rules on a big piece of poster board. Here are some ideas…. Please and thank you must be said at all times. No food can be brought into the house. One healthy snack will be provided. Anyone who gets to rowdy will be asked to leave. That sort of thing. Whatever is important to you.
I appreciate that you want to help these children who you suspect are neglected. But letting them destroy your family and house is not helping them. Set boundaries. Stick to them. This is your home and your children. And you’re not being a bitch when you insist on protecting them. You are being a good mother.
Good luck,
Kelcey, TMH
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