Help! My Co-worker is a Mouthy Housewife!
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I am looking for tips to avoid being cornered by “mouthy housewives” at work. I go to work just to make a living. I expect people to be peaceable, not prying. Do I really have to fulfill a stereotype in order to be left alone, and pursue what is important to me?
Really, this borders on harassment when you have different values and a budget to live on. I don’t want to feel judged because I don’t have a white picket fence. And it is none of anyone’s business where my child’s father is and how many times he sees her and whether your parents are married or how old you are, and…I could go on and on.
Signed,
NOT a Mouthy Housewife
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Dear Not Mouthy,
Before we proceed, I need to clarify a few things to be sure there isn’t a conflict of interest. Because, correct me if I’m wrong, but I believe you just used “mouthy housewife” as a term of derision!
::clutches pearls::
Being a “mouthy housewife” is not synonymous with being a “bitch” or “asshole” or, well, you get the point. Rather, being a mouthy housewife is about cutting the crap, speaking the truth, and helping out fellow women. What I see here is that you, darling, are a mouthy housewife just yearning to spread her wings, while those ladies at work are simply bullies.
See the difference? (Oh, I forgot about the fashion element, too. Mouthy housewives dress way better than bullies.)
Now that we have that out of the way, I’m going to cut right to the chase here. I think we’ve all dealt with a snooping, obnoxious, poorly-dressed (probably) co-worker before. And in my experience, all it takes is one look to snip that nonsense right in the bud. For example:
Snoopy woman in wool Yorkie sweater: Say, don’t you think Dave from accounting is dreamy? And since you brought it up, how many married men have you slept with?
You: [GLARE]
SWIWYS: Oh, you can tell me! I won’t say a thing! [Pulls out tape recorder]
You: Well, aren’t you the rudest thing since sliced bread!
OR!
You: Actually, after sleeping with your husband, I decided it wasn’t worth it, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN [Wink]
OR!
You: Would you like to hear me neigh like a horse? I’ve been told I’m quite good. ::NEEEEEIIIIGHHHHH::
OR!
You: Oh, Mildred. I heard about your condition. Are you having an episode again? There, there. [Hand her a pacifier]
Pick any one! It’s like a Choose Your Own Adventure for the middle-aged!
In other words, you need to gather some confidence, stand up for yourself, and put these rude women in their respective places. If it causes some tension at first, as it likely will (especially if you go with the NEEEEIIIIGGGHHH-ing option), rest assured it will blow over. At the very least, you can feel confident that you’ve stuck to your values. (And that you probably have nicer shoes than they do, too.)
Best wishes,
Kristine, TMH
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Smile And Say Cheese! Now, Pay Up!
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I’m a photographer who absolutely adores her job. Nothing is more awesome than capturing memories with my family and friends. However, this career choice has come at a price.
I now find myself constantly on everyone’s guest list, even for my ‘not so close’ friends. But I think my popularity is only based on my camera. I’m not sure I’d be invited if I wasn’t going to capture all of their precious memories for them, for FREE.
I now wrestle with myself over attending these events. Often times, after I get over myself and just go I feel good about it. I get the photos and really enjoy having them UNTIL the inviter (I may have just made that word up) starts hassling and bugging me nonstop to have copies or a disk prepared for them immediately. I don’t feel like it’s right to charge my friends and family for me to be at their celebrations, but how do I tell them nicely that I’m not here for them to use and abuse?
Sincerely,
I’m Gonna Beat Someone With My Nikon
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Dear I’m Gonna Beat Someone With My Nikon,
Where did you say you lived? Near Brooklyn? Maybe you have next weekend free and would love to picnic in the park with me and my cuter-than-the-cutest-Gerber-baby son who is in dire need of a modeling contract? Also, can you pick up some sandwiches, a couple bottles of wine, and some cookies for the lunch? I’ll bring the blanket and the photogenic kid.
But after that, I would suggest that every once in a while you show up to a shindig without your trusty film-dependent sidekick. Keep everyone on their toes. They will learn pretty quickly not to rely on you to always have your camera and be their unpaid professional photographer. Unfortunately, I think this will be easier said than done.
It seems to me that part of the problem here is your lack of confidence in your own self-worth. While you may enjoy all the photos you take at these events, you may actually be way more scared that people only like you because of your camera. You are worried that if it’s not with you, they will stop inviting you. And for some of these folks, that could indeed be the case. But honestly, do you really want ‘friends’ who only like you because they can get your services for free?
You are lucky to be able to make a living doing something you love and enjoy; not a lot of people can say that. But part of being successful is knowing when to say ‘NO’. And you’ve got to do that, especially for those ‘not so close’ friends. As for your other friends and family, it’s a fine line you’re walking. It makes sense that you don’t want to charge them for your services, however, how will you continue to make a living? Perhaps you can take some pictures for free, but if they want the whole set they will need to pay something. Or maybe you can offer all of the photos at a reduced rate? No matter what you do, don’t undersell yourself. Take pride in your work, and more importantly, who you are as a person!
Good Luck,
Tonya, TMH
P.S. I’ll need 60 8x10s and about 200 wallet-sized photos. Thanks.
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Mouthing Off: You’ve Come A Long Way, Sugar Baby!
We’re back with Mouthing Off and we have to tell you, this one is a doozy. Because there is an alarming trend of female college grads looking for wealthy men to pay their tuition and pay off their student loans. In exchange for companionship, which we hope we don’t have to tell you, doesn’t mean attending the opera together.
There are websites where these cash-starved women and rich men can meet– like a regular dating website, except the woman specifies how much cash she will need on a monthly basis for the pleasure of her college-educated company.
These women are being referred to by the media as sugar babies looking for sugar daddies. We’re guessing because prostitutes looking for Johns is offensive.
Oh, we heard the explanation that this isn’t prostitution because the women aren’t offering a menu of sexual services in exchange for a set fee. And we’re not here to make a legal argument that anyone should be charged with prostitution.
We do wonder about what makes these women think that this arrangement is their only viable option. There is no question that the economy is in trouble and of course the recent college graduates are coming into a terrible market.
They may have to defer their student loans. They may even have to default on them. And however unappealing that may be, we are talking about institutional loans, not loan sharks.
Surely these women’s self-esteem is worth more than their credit rating?
What do you think– is it okay to provide companionship in exchange for cash? And how do you think the parties involved are reporting these transactions on their tax returns?
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My Husband’s Acting Nuts
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
My husband works in banking and makes a good living. He just turned 40 and is now having some kind of midlife crisis because suddenly he wants to leave the finance industry and pursue his dream of becoming an actor. I want support him but this would mean a major change is how we live our lives. And who becomes an actor at 40?
Signed, He’s No Brad Pitt
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Dear Mrs. Not Brad Pitt,
First off, count your blessings that your husband is the creative type. If he weren’t he would have announced his midlife crisis by going out and finding a 22-year old girlfriend to drive around the neighborhood on his new crotch-rocket motorcyle, so things could be worse. And much more publicly humiliating.
Second, I have to call your judgment about your husband’s potential into question: Haven’t you noticed that ugly men get more attractive as they age? Now wait-I’m not saying your husband is ugly, I’m just saying, have you been the the movies lately? All we can see for miles are unapologetic crags and deep naso-labial folds, receding hairlines and those curious, creepy face fungi (aka age spots) that men are allowed to have. In fact, I bet your husband isn’t old enough to be an actor yet!
That means you have some time to work this all out. Tell him he’ll have to wait until he looks like Clint Eastwood, and in the meantime, why not have a real conversation about what’s really going on with your husband? If you suddenly decided you’d missed your chance in life to be a novelist, a cancer researcher or Vanna White, wouldn’t you want him to give you and your dream more than lip service?
That’s the point of being partners: to help each other become the person you’re meant to be! Not to get stifled by financial arrangements that define us for the rest of our lives, slowly sucking our soul out one little drop at a time, until we’re empty enough to appear on The Real Housewives. (I’m sure that’s not you, but you know what I mean.)
Change is scary. Aging is scary. And come to think of it, life is kinda scary these days, too (been reading the newspapers lately?). So instead of panicking, focus on your connection and trust, and work together to figure out in what little way he can follow his dreams-acting class at night? take the summer off and do repertory in the Berkshires?-without making you feel like you’re living a nightmare. These kinds of life changes happen a little at a time, and he might change his mind. And who knows? Maybe he’ll be the one-in-a-million lucky guy and you’ll be on his arm at the Oscars in three years wearing a fab new diamond necklace. Wouldn’t you feel terrible if you robbed yourself of that experience?
Sincerely,
Stacy, Guest TMH
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I’m Becoming a Hoarder and My Co-Workers are to Blame
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
It seems that these days that every woman in North America is selling something on the side. I have 2 Avon, 1 Norwex, 1 Partylite and 2 Mary Kay reps working in my office.
I have tried to show my undying support to each of their endeavors by buying the least expensive item on the order form bi-annually. However, these women are GOOD. Its like they’ve attended Pusher University. When they approach me, I start by picking the cheapest thing I can find, and end up buying the first 14 pages of products. I am constantly spending way too much on terrible make-up, cleaning products I rarely use, 10,000 tea lights, and more facial cleanser than one person could use in four lifetimes.
While I completely sympathize with everyone needing a little more bank roll, how do I fend off these advances? I need a good working relationship with these women, but I find that they are constantly working me. Please help!
Signed,
Knee Deep in Unused Products
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Dear Knee Deep,
I decided to look up each of these companies and I must admit that I’m now the unfortunate owner of the SuperMagnify and the SuperExtend mascaras, an Artic Oasis candle, the Amazing Hands gift set and the Norwex Microfiber Antibac Enviro Cloth.
I think I see your point.
These products can be a bit seductive on their own and it sounds like you work with a group of women that could sell you a timeshare on an alligator farm in the Everglades. You’ll love swimming with the dangerous wildlife! Don’t miss this once in a lifetime experience to see their teeth up close! You’ll have such fun telling your friends about your near death experience!
It’s very nice of you to support your co-workers but you need to practice saying no. Envision your depleted bank account. Imagine all that stuff you buy just filling up landfills. And then tell the ladies of the office that you would love to support them but you have to take a pass this year due to finances being a bit tight. You know… the economy. Give your sad “weak economy” face.
And then brace yourself for the follow-up: “Surely, you can afford one lipstick?” And the answer is still no because if you take one look at the order form, you’ll order enough beauty products to be the make-up artist for Kiss. Wait, is that band still around? Who cares. You get the idea.
And the next time you are raising money for a charity or trying to support your local public school, hit these ladies up for some cash. Because boy, do they owe you. You have 10,000 tealights to prove it.
Happy not shopping!
Kelcey, TMH
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