Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I am a college advertising student and we were given a project based on choosing a mass production product and creating an ad. I chose Betty Crocker and the theme of the photos I have taken is an old, yet sinister woman, sitting in her grandmother chair with the secret recipe in her hand. In the photo, she is hiding the recipe in a cookie jar.
I need a catch phrase to write at the bottom of the page, something like “Betty Crocker’s secret recipe,” but of course a bit more witty. HELP ME PLEASE!
Kill Me, My Project’s Due Tomorrow
Dear Kill Me,
Boy, have you ever come to the right place for advice! Not too many people know this, but I used to be a major playa in the ol’ ad game myself. Only then I got secretly pregnant by Pete Campbell and had to give my baby away. Or was Roger Sterling the baby daddy that time? Honestly, it’s so hard to remember which co-worker has impregnated you when you’re drunk on Scotch and trying to come up with a sexy pitch for hand lotion—am I right ladies? Up high!
Anyway, asking some random website humps to come up with the slogan for your advertising assignment instead of doing it yourself tells me one important thing about you: You’ll be running your own agency in less than five years, baby! Ka-ching a ding a ding!
However. While the former copywriter in me admires your out-of-the-box thinking, the mother in me isn’t too kosher with you not doing the assignment yourself. So the ethical thing to do here is to not tell you an awesome headline would be “You Don’t Need To Know The Recipe To Know It’s Delicious” or “Selfish Bitches Make The Best Bakers,” but tell you to that you’re never going to learn how to create an ad unless you hopelessly slave away for hours and hours full of self-loathing, pizza and off-brand gin. It’s the Madison Avenue way.
So my advice to you is to grab a notebook and just write down as many lines and words about Betty Crocker as you can. Free form it. What you write doesn’t have to be good or perfect or even literate, but the more you spew, the better the chances are that a good line will take shape. Maybe even find a friend or two and bounce ideas off of them. When I was a copywriter and stuck on something, I’d just forget about it, stick it in my subconscious and take a walk. (Or see a movie during working hours.) Then before I knew it, a genius line would pop right into my head. The grocery store poster of strawberries with the headline “Shortcake Been Berry Berry Good to Me”? Happened right after a 1 p.m. showing of Muriel’s Wedding, my friend.
I know it seems tough, but I’m certain you can nail this. Because anyone with balls enough to ask The Mouthy Housewives to help them with their school assignment is obviously destined for success.
Or jail. But let’s hope for success.