Help! My Co-worker is a Mouthy Housewife!
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I am looking for tips to avoid being cornered by “mouthy housewives” at work. I go to work just to make a living. I expect people to be peaceable, not prying. Do I really have to fulfill a stereotype in order to be left alone, and pursue what is important to me?
Really, this borders on harassment when you have different values and a budget to live on. I don’t want to feel judged because I don’t have a white picket fence. And it is none of anyone’s business where my child’s father is and how many times he sees her and whether your parents are married or how old you are, and…I could go on and on.
Signed,
NOT a Mouthy Housewife
____________________________________________
Dear Not Mouthy,
Before we proceed, I need to clarify a few things to be sure there isn’t a conflict of interest. Because, correct me if I’m wrong, but I believe you just used “mouthy housewife” as a term of derision!
::clutches pearls::
Being a “mouthy housewife” is not synonymous with being a “bitch” or “asshole” or, well, you get the point. Rather, being a mouthy housewife is about cutting the crap, speaking the truth, and helping out fellow women. What I see here is that you, darling, are a mouthy housewife just yearning to spread her wings, while those ladies at work are simply bullies.
See the difference? (Oh, I forgot about the fashion element, too. Mouthy housewives dress way better than bullies.)
Now that we have that out of the way, I’m going to cut right to the chase here. I think we’ve all dealt with a snooping, obnoxious, poorly-dressed (probably) co-worker before. And in my experience, all it takes is one look to snip that nonsense right in the bud. For example:
Snoopy woman in wool Yorkie sweater: Say, don’t you think Dave from accounting is dreamy? And since you brought it up, how many married men have you slept with?
You: [GLARE]
SWIWYS: Oh, you can tell me! I won’t say a thing! [Pulls out tape recorder]
You: Well, aren’t you the rudest thing since sliced bread!
OR!
You: Actually, after sleeping with your husband, I decided it wasn’t worth it, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN [Wink]
OR!
You: Would you like to hear me neigh like a horse? I’ve been told I’m quite good. ::NEEEEEIIIIGHHHHH::
OR!
You: Oh, Mildred. I heard about your condition. Are you having an episode again? There, there. [Hand her a pacifier]
Pick any one! It’s like a Choose Your Own Adventure for the middle-aged!
In other words, you need to gather some confidence, stand up for yourself, and put these rude women in their respective places. If it causes some tension at first, as it likely will (especially if you go with the NEEEEIIIIGGGHHH-ing option), rest assured it will blow over. At the very least, you can feel confident that you’ve stuck to your values. (And that you probably have nicer shoes than they do, too.)
Best wishes,
Kristine, TMH
12 Responses to “Help! My Co-worker is a Mouthy Housewife!”
Comment by Desperate Dietwives.
Usually people who make snide comments are very insecure and criticize in others exactly the same issues that make them insecure.
Just try to airily give a generic answer, then pick their own weak spot and ask them about it.
Behave as if their judgment just isn’t important to you, show they have no power over you and they are pretty sure to stop and go find another target for their insecurity.
Good luck! 
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Comment by hokgardner.
I love to go all sickly sweet southern on women like this – Well bless your heart. What would make you ask such a question?
That usually leaves them sputtering and afraid to come back for more.
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sisterfunkhaus Reply:
December 8th, 2011 at 9:11 am
This is what I was going to say. I would ask them why they want to know about my boring old life. Then, I ask them if they are planning on writing a tell all book about me. I remind them that it wouldn’t sell very well. It makes people laugh, and they stop asking.
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Becky Reply:
December 8th, 2011 at 10:02 am
I was once told by a woman from Atlanta that a little “bless your heart” at the end of whatever you are saying is the southern equivilent of “you bitch, what the #$%* is up your ass?”.
Works every time. Southern accent optional.
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Plano Mom Reply:
December 8th, 2011 at 11:24 am
http://www.zazzle.com/bless_your_stupid_heart_tshirt-235690658462408130
Created and sold by a wonderful, genuine, down to earth Texas (southern) girl.
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Comment by Marinka.
I’m so glad that Kristine defended the honorable Mouthy Housewife title.
I think the women that the question asker is referring to are “fishwives”
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Comment by Wendi.
Yes, thank you for defending our honor, Kristine. We are awesome. The women at this letter writer’s job are not. And that’s why she either needs to ignore them or fight fire with fire and ask them probing questions until they get the hint.
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Comment by Tinne from Tantrums and Tomatoes.
Be polite: give a generic answer starting with ‘well I can’t see why this is a point of interest to you but…’ and then attack like a shark with a question of your own.
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Comment by Plano Mom.
The “Why do you want to know?” question works every time.
So does, “He’s a secret agent and now you’re at risk.” for the baby daddy questions. Those are only to determine whether or not you’re a threat to snagging the intelligent guys.
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Comment by Can You Help Me Punk My Boss? | The Mouthy Housewives.
[...] but as you suggested, it’s not exactly illegal for your boss to be an asshole to your co-workers. What’s more, if you were to do something to get the bossman in trouble, the girls would [...]
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Cate8 Reply:
December 8th, 2011 at 5:57 am
I love your response….it could apply to all aspects of life (my LIFE)
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