Hello, there! I’m here today conducting a highly scientific research study. If you could kindly take a moment to answer the following questions:
1. Have you recently run to the grocery store without first checking the mirror to freshen your face?
2. Have you hosted a playdate in your living room without thinking about putting on some makeup?
3. Do you go to work fresh-faced and makeup-free?
4. Ever let your husband and/or children see you in the morning BEFORE APPLYING YOUR FACE?!
If you answered “yes” or “sometimes” or “maybe” to any of the above questions, I’m afraid I have some unsettling news:
THE WORLD HATES YOU.
No, it’s true! Or, at least it’s true according to a recent study published by Harvard-educated scientists and psychologists. If you want to believe THOSE hacks.
As part of that study, 25 women were given four looks. One was no makeup, one was “natural” makeup, another was “professional” makeup, and the final was “glamorous.” Each look was photographed, which created 100 images. Those images were then shown to two groups of people, and each of them was asked to rate the person’s trustworthiness, character, and attractiveness.
GUESS WHO LOST?! That’s right. You there, with no makeup on. YOU LOST. THE WORLD HATES YOU.
It was concluded that the women wearing no makeup were the lowest rated in all three categories. This was the result for onlookers who had anywhere from a moment to unlimited time to analyze the photo and make their assertions. So no more au naturel for you, eh?
Except, wait a minute.
Because, for a study being conducted by such renowned scientists, this study is utterly unscientific. I’m no PhD, but I vaguely remember something about VARIABLES (also something about Buckyballs, but I don’t think that’s applicable here). The fact that it’s entirely comprised of qualitative data should also raise a flag or two. Furthermore, it’s a fairly small-scale study…something that should only suggest further study is needed, and not something that should draw any conclusions about my complexion, because IT’S GENETIC, OK?! GET OFF ME.
Oh! And there’s one! more! thing! There’s also the fact that this study was sponsored by none other than Proctor & Gamble. A company that has just released a new makeup line based on Bio-Chromatics, which “combines the principles of chemistry, optics and psychology to create biology-based color products.”
I think it’s already fairly well established that our culture prefers pretty things, pretty people…even pretty thoughts. But modern women? I daresay we are smarter, more unified, and stronger than ever. So don’t you dare insult us with your little makeup pseudo-science.
(I don’t care WHAT you say about the pimple in the middle of my forehead.)
Because the result *I’m* seeing here is that the world has some seriously skewed images of character. By no means does this have *anything* to do with our friggin’ mascara.