27 Nov
Lines, Lines, Lines, Yeah Eh

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

I hate thongs, but I also hate panty lines. And I refuse to go commando because I’m scared of getting an infection and/or hurting some of my lady parts with my zipper. What do you advise?


The Thong Is Wrong


Dear Thong,

I hate to be the one to break it to you but wearing a thong is not the way to avoid panty lines. You see, when you do wear one, you get lines anyway, the only difference being they’re closer to that “God given” one better known as “your crack.”

In my world, the one where beauty takes a backseat to comfort and who cares if no one ever touches be again, wearing a thong is pretty much the equivalent of going commando anyway.

I’ve been given thong underwear in the past. The last time was Valentine’s Day 2007. He proceeded to hand me my gift and then never call me again. I was a bit bummed because clearly he knew that he would never ‘benefit’ from my wearing them and so the least he could have done was include the receipt so I could exchange the thong for a pair of fluffy slippers or something   that I would actually use.

But enough about me, what do you think of the fact that my underwear touches my belly button? I jest, it actually covers my belly button. No, I’m kidding. Sorry, I’m writing this while high on Oreos.

Anyway, the bottom line is,   (I know horrible pun) wearing a thong will on go so far in that what undergarments you should wear really depend more on they type of the fabric and color of your pants.

Click here and you’ll find several ways to solve your problem, none of which say you will need to walk around sans anything, you’ll be happy to know. So zip up with confidence my friend and just know that the penicillin is there if you need it but I have confidence you will be fine.

Good luck.

Jessica, TMH

3 Responses to “Lines, Lines, Lines, Yeah Eh”


Comment by AmyMusings.

A thong is way worse than going commando. Unless you sit down in your jeans and they’re too small. That’s THE BIG THONG. It must be removed from the Godgiven girl parts at once. Ew! I have a wedgy just thinking about it.


Comment by Gema @ Fashion Cents For Mom.

I don’t know if you have ever heard of “Hanky Panky”, but they are the best thong out there! NO JOKE!! I work for Nordstrom and they are selling them on average for about $18 a pair, but I saw them at Neiman’s Last Call at an outlet mall for only $12! They are still pricey, but they really last a LONG time and I think that they are totally worth it.


Comment by Karyn.

Gema is dead on. Hanky Panky are the best thong out there. They don’t make you feel like your butt is getting flossed, they’re pretty and they come in rainbows of colours (www.hankypanky.com). If you don’t have a Nordstrom in your area, you can also find them at specialty lingerie stores and it looks like you can purchase them on their website as well.

If you wash them carefully (either by hand or in a delicate cycle) with good detergent, they will last for a decent amount of time. The variety of colours is excellent because you can buy a (high-end) bra separately and then buy a pair of Hanky Panky to go with it for a great amount less than a matching panty.

Plus, seriously, they leave NO panty-line and they’re actually comfortable!!!

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